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Photo by Meat Legs

Cooking Level: Beginning

Meat Legs is asking: (2 answers)
OT...need advice on family/wedding stuff

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Last updated: Mar. 16, 2013 1:57 pm
Posted: Mar. 15, 2013 10:09 pm
Answered by: Meat Legs
Mar. 15, 2013 10:14 pm
My sister's son is getting married next year. So far I am not planning on my family (me/dh n kids) going b/c we had a big falling out with my Dad. Long story there. Anyways..she just emailed me telling me the bride wants my 4 year old as a flower girl. I was a little taken back, since she has only met her once or twice. Also, again I wasn't planning on going. My sister doesn't know that I'm planning on not going (b/c she would get realllly upset/cry..she's very emotional lol!). I just think that it is more important that my dad be there than us. ANyways how to tell her that my girl can not be a flower girl? ...........Also another thing, a few years ago I told everyone in my family I'm done with being in/dealing with weddings. I wasn't in my two sisters weddings b/c I hate it so much, so much work!
Ann Maksymiw
Mar. 15, 2013 11:04 pm
Forget about your father and think of your little girl. Would she like to be a flower girl? Sometimes we let our own feelings interrupt what could be a lovely memory for our children. As adults we have to let some things go. If you can't afford it or if it is a long way to travel you have a good excuse. However, life is short and sometimes we have to compromise. Your little girl must have made a great impression on the bride to be to want her in the wedding party. I think that is a lovely compliment to her and to you. Good luck with your decision.
Mar. 16, 2013 1:55 am
If the wedding is not a long distance trek for you, then consider going to the wedding. You could avoid the reception, which is where many ugly incidents take place. People aren t so vocal in churches! Also, if the wedding causes a financial strain, you could let them know that someone else might have to purchase your daughter's dress for the day That is enough for them to rethink about your daughter's involvement. If you seriously want to stay home, let it be known now so that another child could become the flower girl. Is your DD the only young enough girl in the family to be a flower girl? There are many weddings that take place with no flower girls. Let your sister know that you will not attend if your dad plans on being there, and that could stop some of your dilemma!
Mar. 16, 2013 4:30 am
All we can on is what you have posted here. Not clear to me why a diaagreement with your dad has anything to do with your sister and the wedding. If you and your sister get along (can't tell from the post), I don't see why you wouldn't attend.
Answered by: Cactus Rose
Mar. 16, 2013 4:34 am
Frankly, this isn't about and your Dad. It's about your nephew. It's one day out of your life. You don't have to speak to your father, or even look at him for that matter. Would your father not show up because you might be there? I think you need to put the family drama aside for 24 hours for you nephew.
Mar. 16, 2013 4:37 am
Meat Legs,sorry for your troubles,but good advice from above.Good luck.
Mar. 16, 2013 5:06 am
I have been there. Dont let the fact that your daughter has been chosen as a flower girl to make your decision. Was she chosen because she is perhaps the only young girl in the family? Or because she means something to your nephew? That would matter to me. Only go if you would go IF there wasn't the BS going on. If you wouldn't go otherwise then dont. I agree on the advise about your Dad stated above. But if some reason you think there would be any kind of "scene", then don't go. But if anywhere in your heart says go then dont ignore it. My best advice is to alway pray on it.
Mar. 16, 2013 5:36 am
Many,many years ago when I was getting married, there was a situation where my in Laws had a serious argument with my future sister and brother I law. Long story short, mil and fil said if sil and bil came to the wedding, they would not! The solution came about when sil and bil generously said they would not attend, even though we were quite close. Though not a perfect solution (why can't adults act like adults?) it did allow the day to go smoothly, although I never quite forgave my in laws for denying us the pleasure of having people we cared about at the wedding. I wish you luck in making a tough decision.
Linda (LMT)
Mar. 16, 2013 5:47 am
If it was me I would go as well as have my family go. The falling out is between you and your father and there should be no reason why you both can not be at the same function and simply leave each other alone. When I married my first husband I had a very strained relationship with my father for many years ... almost didn't invite him for my mom's sake but his side of the family was coming. It all worked out and everyone behaved well. I had decided if anyone acted up they would be asked to leave then. If your father starts up with you (he may not) you can leave then or if your family supports you then he can be asked to leave. It may all work out. Good luck and do what's right in your heart.
Judy in Delaware
Mar. 16, 2013 6:19 am
My only advice is don't do something you'll regret. I'd never stay away from a family event because of a disagreement with one person. Nope. You don't have to associate with your dad if you choose not to. It's sad you had this falling out. Life ain't no dress rehearsal....we only get one chance. After 27 years of marriage to my first husband, my ex in-laws still won't speak to me 15 years later. That certainly didn't spoil my enjoyment at my son's wedding. Talk to your sister. I'm sure she knows the situation. She can make sure you're seated far apart at the reception. Just don't regret whatever decision you make....can't take it back. Good luck!!
Mar. 16, 2013 7:01 am
My sister recently had a wedding. I was chosen to be the matron of honor but got demoted to a bridesmaid because of her friend and husband got in the way with planning/schedules. I thought that was rude to get demoted and it was very hurtful! With all the arguments we had, I still went to her wedding because all of my siblings were going. I brushed off those stupid problems just for her day. I think you and your family should go, it'll put a smile on your sisters face. You'd be a fool not to go for the third sisters wedding....sorry, just consider being the better person.
Mar. 16, 2013 7:05 am
*oops alot of typos! not third sisters wedding. I meant not showing up to a wedding the third time.
Mar. 16, 2013 9:10 am
I grew up where my dad's parents were divorced and his mom was very bitter and never got over it. It was horrible always having to worry about what would happen. The only time I ever saw them at the same time was at my uncle's funeral and they both acted like adults and were polite. No incidents. There is not sense in ruining all of your relationships because of your disagreement with your dad. Go to the wedding for you nephew and sister. Act like an adult and ignore your dad or just be polite. All family gatherings should have to choose you or him. Go and enjoy yourself.
Mar. 16, 2013 9:11 am
Oops I meant shouldn't.
Mar. 16, 2013 1:57 pm
If the disagreement is with your dad, why punish your sister and her family? Afterwards, you will have your dad AND your sister mad at you which seems silly and unnecesary.
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