I’ve been daydreaming and planning on sharing this story for a while now.
If it’s too gloomy I apologize; however, I think it will be a sweet way to share and celebrate a special time with my mother.
My mother & I were very close friends.
I miss her. She found peace earlier this year on March 1st with me, my younger brother, and my close friend by her side.
Strangely it wasn’t as dramatic as I thought it was going to be.
She peacefully slipped away, probably a blessing to my healing.
But, like many who have experienced such a loss, a day doesn’t go by that I don’t long to tell her something or send her a picture from my cell phone to share an experience with her.
We really did have a lot of fun, she had a fantastic sense of humor!
She was agoraphobic, and lived a distance from us so we saw her from time to time, but not as regularly as I would have liked.
That, again, could have been a blessing because when she did live near me I didn’t appreciate our times as much because it seemed I was her errand girl and it was endless how many things she’d want me to do. Please don’t think I ever minded, but sometimes
with raising two boys and juggling numerous jobs it did get to be exhausting, and I am being truthful that I just didn’t enjoy our times as much as I did when she moved further north.
My father passed away when I was two.
I don’t have any real memories of him, most were created from the many stories I have heard about him throughout the years.
My mother would insist that his spirit came home that night.
He worked crazy hours. My mother had fallen asleep watching tv and around 3am she heard the refrigerator door open and the kitchen chair being pulled out, as he did whenever he came home.
But he wasn’t really there that night. She was comforted with believing that his spirit came to where it longed to be, she held fast to that believe from then on out.
I personally do not believe a spirit is free to visit like that, but that’s me.
I am not trying to change anyone’s belief, nor do I want to contemplate other beliefs on the subject.
I strongly believe that the dead in Christ ‘rest’ until they are called. I accept that I could be mistaken in how I believe but I doubt I’ll care very much to change my beliefs either – and I sincerely apologize if that’s offensive.
However, I need to state how I believe to share her visit.
My mother knew how I believed regarding spirits, and I never bashed her belief but she knew I didn’t agree that my father
visited – but I loved how it made her feel. And if I’m wrong in how I think about the matter, then she’d know that it would have to be different for me to accept it was her if she was able to visit.
In a way I think she did visit me shortly after she passed away, or it was a sweet dream that God lovingly gave me.
I have no idea. I can’t believe one way then another!
I admit whatever did really happen has me confused on the subject.
Yet her visit/ my dream – whichever way you’d like to consider it – was so real to me, it still is!
I did nap on the couch late one morning maybe a few weeks after she had passed away.
She visited me then. I knew when I saw her that she had passed and yet I was so excited to see her.
I remembered telling her in a concerned way that we had just cleaned out her apartment, and she just nodded at me in a “knowing” way and I do recall figuring out that she was just staying for a short time and wanting to savor the time we had so we went
into the kitchen and prepared a meal. We always did really enjoy doing that together, dicing and gathering ingredients as we just talked endlessly, so that’s what we did.
And every time I had a concern of her place being unavailable she would just nod in a loving, reassuring way, and I’d push the thought from my mind as we wanted to enjoy our visit.
It was so sweet and comforting! I don’t know how it ended, but I still feel it was as real as any other experience I have. Most dreams fade or recalling them is fuzzy, but not this ‘dream’.
I woke up crying hysterically. I don’t know how she ‘left’ in my dream, or what woke me.
I only recall the visit, and the love, but not her leaving again – thank God! But my husband was quite concerned for me, it took me a while to calm down enough to tell him why I was so sad.
So even now after almost 8 months it feels like it just happened, dreams aren’t like that. I don’t know what to think of it all, I just cherish the visit, even if it was a trick of the mind. But something about the love I felt tells me there was more
to it than that. I miss her. And I love that it feels like she visited me.