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My Mother's Visit

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My Mom's Visit 
Nov. 15, 2010 7:58 am 
Updated: Jan. 31, 2011 7:13 pm
I’ve been daydreaming and planning on sharing this story for a while now.  If it’s too gloomy I apologize; however, I think it will be a sweet way to share and celebrate a special time with my mother.
My mother & I were very close friends.  I miss her.  She found peace earlier this year on March 1st with me, my younger brother, and my close friend by her side.  Strangely it wasn’t as dramatic as I thought it was going to be.  She peacefully slipped away, probably a blessing to my healing.  But, like many who have experienced such a loss, a day doesn’t go by that I don’t long to tell her something or send her a picture from my cell phone to share an experience with her.  We really did have a lot of fun, she had a fantastic sense of humor!  She was agoraphobic, and lived a distance from us so we saw her from time to time, but not as regularly as I would have liked.  That, again, could have been a blessing because when she did live near me I didn’t appreciate our times as much because it seemed I was her errand girl and it was endless how many things she’d want me to do. Please don’t think I ever minded, but sometimes with raising two boys and juggling numerous jobs it did get to be exhausting, and I am being truthful that I just didn’t enjoy our times as much as I did when she moved further north. 
My father passed away when I was two.  I don’t have any real memories of him, most were created from the many stories I have heard about him throughout the years.  My mother would insist that his spirit came home that night.  He worked crazy hours.  My mother had fallen asleep watching tv and around 3am she heard the refrigerator door open and the kitchen chair being pulled out, as he did whenever he came home.  But he wasn’t really there that night.  She was comforted with believing that his spirit came to where it longed to be, she held fast to that believe from then on out.  I personally do not believe a spirit is free to visit like that, but that’s me.  I am not trying to change anyone’s belief, nor do I want to contemplate other beliefs on the subject.  I strongly believe that the dead in Christ ‘rest’ until they are called. I accept that I could be mistaken in how I believe but I doubt I’ll care very much to change my beliefs either – and I sincerely apologize if that’s offensive.  However, I need to state how I believe to share her visit.
My mother knew how I believed regarding spirits, and I never bashed her belief but she knew I didn’t agree that my father visited – but I loved how it made her feel.  And if I’m wrong in how I think about the matter, then she’d know that it would have to be different for me to accept it was her if she was able to visit.  In a way I think she did visit me shortly after she passed away, or it was a sweet dream that God lovingly gave me.  I have no idea. I can’t believe one way then another!  I admit whatever did really happen has me confused on the subject.  Yet her visit/ my dream – whichever way you’d like to consider it – was so real to me, it still is! 
I did nap on the couch late one morning maybe a few weeks after she had passed away.  She visited me then.  I knew when I saw her that she had passed and yet I was so excited to see her.  I remembered telling her in a concerned way that we had just cleaned out her apartment, and she just nodded at me in a “knowing” way and I do recall figuring out that she was just staying for a short time and wanting to savor the time we had so we went into the kitchen and prepared a meal. We always did really enjoy doing that together, dicing and gathering ingredients as we just talked endlessly, so that’s what we did.  And every time I had a concern of her place being unavailable she would just nod in a loving, reassuring way, and I’d push the thought from my mind as we wanted to enjoy our visit.  It was so sweet and comforting!  I don’t know how it ended, but I still feel it was as real as any other experience I have. Most dreams fade or recalling them is fuzzy, but not this ‘dream’.  I woke up crying hysterically. I don’t know how she ‘left’ in my dream, or what woke me.  I only recall the visit, and the love, but not her leaving again – thank God! But my husband was quite concerned for me, it took me a while to calm down enough to tell him why I was so sad.  So even now after almost 8 months it feels like it just happened, dreams aren’t like that. I don’t know what to think of it all, I just cherish the visit, even if it was a trick of the mind. But something about the love I felt tells me there was more to it than that.  I miss her.  And I love that it feels like she visited me.
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Nov. 15, 2010 10:06 am
Jodi, I am so sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience shortly after my father passed. We went out for coffee and something to eat. I can't remember the place, nor can I remember what we ate, but I treasure the feelings of love and concern that my father continued to give me after his passing. It has made it easier, somehow. Your mother was given the grace to give you the gift of a loving goodbye. You are truly blessed.
Nov. 15, 2010 10:27 am
That's very comforting that you shared JBOTT, thank you; I feel warm remembering the visit - makes me miss her more sometimes too but that's getting easier to recover from too.
Nov. 15, 2010 11:21 am
i'm so soory for your loss. my mother's birthday is march 1st. she has been gone since march 10th 1989. i guess i was a mama's boy even though i was the middle chile with 8 other siblings. she was an incredible cook who never looked at recipes and she made meals that streched out so everyone ate till their filled. i got my cooking skills from my mother and aunts. i didn't realize it until i married a beauty queen that REALLY could not cook. but that's another story. i'm glad that you shared her visit...talking about a loss helps. god bless!
Nov. 15, 2010 11:41 am
Thanks gderr, I agree, it did seem to help to write that down - and I love how cooking and meals gives people a lot of pleasant memories, and I'm sure my boys will have fond memories as well. My oldest won't go out with his friends until after supper - he tells them "not now, my mother is cooking tonight" I love it, it makes me so proud lol (his friends live on fast food :)
Nov. 15, 2010 12:00 pm
That was a beautiful tribute to your Mom, Jodi. I am so sorry for your loss. I've had similar experiences - I always wonder if it's my imagination or wishful thinking, but in the end I just believe it doesn't matter - all that matters is that I am comforted, knowing that they are still somehow connected to me.
Nov. 15, 2010 3:44 pm
Well said Christine! It's true, and I actually feel the same - whether I know if it was imagined or not, it is still a very comforting memory and I am grateful for that :)
Nov. 15, 2010 4:26 pm
Jodi I have tears in my eyes reading this. It is such a loving blog. I agree with Christine that it doesn't really matter. I have had a couple experiences myself and I look at it that way as well. It makes me feel closer to the person and is very comforting.
Nov. 15, 2010 7:07 pm
I too have had close encounters of the unknown kind, little instances where an overly strong memory pops up or a dream that stays with you when you can't normally remember them. Can I explain it? No, it's made me feel close to my folks. Take care and hold your memories close.
Nov. 16, 2010 3:28 am
Jodi, that was a wonderful tribute to your mom. You can cherish that "visit" from you mom for the rest of your life. My mom's been gone for about 10 years and once in a while I still think, "I can't wait to tell mom about this" and then I realize she's no longer here with us. We spent a lot of time together so I have no regrets. I'd just like to give her a hug every once in awhile, though!
Nov. 16, 2010 4:13 am
Wow, thanks! I was a bit unsure of myself to share something so sensative but I'm so glad I did! It's great to know other's have such experiences, and they're so comforting! Lace I'm sure I'll think to share things with her for a long time - I smile now at the thought instead of getting too hurt, and I tell myself "she would like this" or whatever the case might be. I'm so grateful for the great bond we had! And I'm sure I'll always wish I could hug her!
Nov. 16, 2010 11:55 am
The wonderful thing about parents is, they never really leave us. Whether we believe we were visited in a dream, a rememberance or by an apparition, doesn't matter. They come when we need them most.
Jan. 31, 2011 7:13 pm
Jodi, I understand with what you've witness because I have lost my step-father on my bd this past yr. I was very blessed to have him walked me down the aisle 3 weeks before, and seeing the smile on his face on his first experience out to dinner for a japanese stk house (hibatchi) he seen it on tv many times but my husbands parents took myself,husband and my parents to show the graditude of me marring their son. Our parents are our guadian angels protecting us from the harm,and would want us to continue in our dreams. It's so great that you understand how she felt and seen things. Peace and Blessings, Flowerchild ;0)
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About Me
There's not much to say. I'm happily married, and I have two grown sons, one still living with me - my husband says becauce of my home-cooking :) I work too much, usually 2 jobs Monday through Friday so most nights have to be quick meals - but I do the best I can in spite of that.
My favorite things to cook
In general I like simply making delicious & healthy meals. I love slow cooking but I seldom have the time in the mornings to get anything set up.
My favorite family cooking traditions
To not be too fussy in measuring (except for the first time trying a new recipe!) My mom seldom measured, and aside from baking I don't think most things have to be exact - even my best assistant (my husband) is getting good at not having to measure everything lol
My cooking triumphs
My youngest son loves fresh homemade cookies - everyone loves my brownies - and there's so many meals that everyone loves, probably my lasagne is everyone's favorite
My cooking tragedies
ha ha when I catch the stove on fire (happened a couple of times on me already - oops!!)
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