Serendipity - I must confess... Blog at - 287088

I must confess...

Oct. 25, 2012 2:56 am 
Updated: Mar. 17, 2013 5:47 am
As my supporting membership is winding down, and things are about to become very busy, I thought I would write one last blog to share with you in case I am unable to get to it before it is too late.

I have loved coming to AR since I stumbled upon it, oh, seven years ago or so.  I was a very active member at one time, but unfortunately got a little turned off by some of the unnecessary drama and found myself better occupied by other activities.  I have since started coming back here and there, and am delighted to see some familiar faces, as well as some new ones.  And, as in days of yore, I see much more of the friendly, helpful advice and caring friendship than the nonsense none of us need.  I do hope that continues to be the case, as this site, I believe, is meant to be a respite from the real life drama most of us have enough of already.  A place to commiserate with good people about our commonality- food.  And along the way, it becomes place to rejoice over the good news, cry over the bad, and catch a few laughs along the way.

I have some news, and because so many people here have supported me from the beginning, I thought I would take a few minutes to share it here.

As some of you know, I have a very sick boyfriend.  I have told the story of my "Kidney Boy" we met as young teenagers while I was on vacation, spent one glorious week together, and then lost touch for over a decade only to be reunited by the wonder that is Facebook.  Tentative at first, we quickly realized that our whirlwind week together was not merely a fluke...we were and are still very much in love with each other.  This time around, as adults, geography could not and did not keep us apart, and we have been happily living together ever since.

Sadly, medical issues are not quite as easy to remedy as logistical ones.  Kidney disease is a nasty thing to battle.  In our case, as is often the case with debilitating diseases, the doctors have no explanation as to why it developed...but reason or not, deciding to rekindle my romance with my boyfriend meant jumping into a whole new world, wrought with uncertainty, frustration and just plain fear.

At first, it was hard to tell there was anything wrong with him.  You had to spend a lot of time with him, live with him really, before the limitations became evident.  Fatigue was the biggest one, and even that wasn't so bad at first.  Then, he declined into Stage 5 renal failure...end stage.  Dialysis became necessary to keep him alive.  It was an adjustment to be sure, but once the routine was set and we grew accustomed to it, we simply went on with our lives as best we could.

But this past year, things took a turn for the worse.  I don't know how it happened- his numbers have been incredible, the best out of any patient at the dialysis clinic.  Still, the weight started falling off rapidly and fatigue turned into exhaustion.  He has good days and bad; some days when he sleeps longer than he is awake.  A lot of days like that.  When he does have good days and we venture out to do something fun, it takes a good couple of days for him to recuperate afterwards.  More and more frequently, his body is wracked with cramps, his eyes ache too much to keep them open...he just HURTS.  And throughout it all, the pounds keep dropping off, exposing more and more of his skeleton beneath his sallow skin.

Throughout this time, I have marveled at his incredible spirit.  He is infectiously optimistic and outrageously funny.  I am not going to sit here and paint an entirely rosy picture- he can be a total jerk sometimes, and I can be difficult and frustrating.  We have had our fair share of arguments.  In the best of circumstance relationships have their ups and downs.  But this kidney thing- that is never going to define who he is.  He won't let it. 

Having kidney disease does not have to be a death sentence.  Which is both a blessing and a curse.  It is a blessing for obvious reasons, and a curse for reasons not so clear on the surface.  Imagine knowing full well that you are deathly ill but you don't HAVE to die.  That all it would take for you to live is one surgery, that one surgery could save you...but you can't have it.  Imagine loving someone who means the world to you and watching them fade away right before your very eyes, knowing that it doesn't have to be.  There have been times when I just want to run down the sidewalk with a bullhorn and say "Look!  Look at this man!  If a train were barreling down the tracks and he were in its path, you would push him out of the way to save him.  Why won't one of you save him from this?!?!"  Of course, in my rational mind I know better.  To save someone from imminent doom is quite a different situation then the one we are in.  And being an organ donor, especially a living one, is a monumental decision and one no one should take lightly or be faulted for deciding not to do!  Still, at times there is this almost animal-like desperation, this frantic panic when you are looking at someone you love so much getting weaker and weaker and you are powerless to stop it.

Of course, the blessing far outweighs the curse.  And I am in no way trying to draw a comparison between people who have or have loved ones with terminal, incurable diseases.  That is to be TRULY powerless, that is to have come to the heart shattering conclusion that goodbye is coming no matter what...that hope is gone.  In our case, through it all, we have had hope.  A mere glimmer at times, but there nonetheless.

And it is so that I am sitting here writing this through tears I did not expect to come.  Because my hope was at a glimmer point...a barely flickering point, really.  I was watching this steady decline and bracing myself for the worst, fearing if too much more time passed, that flicker would be extinguished, the chance for a blessing too late for us.  But then we got a phone call that changed everything...

It is quite a series of events that led us to where we are now.  Circumstances had to be just so...stars aligned...prayers answered.  It is a long story, the story of how one man who has never met my boyfriend has decided to donate a kidney to him.  How he heard about my boyfriend and decided he wanted to do something to help.  How he asked his family what they thought of the idea, and how they instantly and without question supported him.  How it came to be that on January 3rd a man we do not even know will give my boyfriend a second chance at life.

There is a lot of nonsense in this world.  There are a lot of people who want to stir up drama where none exists.  A lot of unsavory people doing ghastly things to others.  Many senseless tragedies.  It can be downright overwhelming and disheartening.  And then along comes a person like this man.  He has nothing to gain from what he is doing.  On the contrary, he is putting himself at risk and undergoing a painful surgery to save another man's live.  A stranger.  A complete and total stranger.  It is the most amazing and astonishing thing I can imagine...I could fill pages with what is my head, but when I put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), I find there are no words I know that can adequately express what I feel in my heart.  This man and his incredibly selfless gift has restored my faith in humankind.  I am eternally grateful. 

Because of this man, this journey I have been on with my beloved Kidney Boy will continue on...and that is all I have ever wanted since that warm summer day years ago when he first smiled at me, with a sparkle in his big brown eyes...   
Oct. 25, 2012 3:59 am
Ah Puck truly sorry for what you and your boyfriend went through,so very good to know there are people out there that cares what happens to other people,i'm so very happy for you both.I know what you mean about not being able to do anything for someone you love,we watched my sister leave us from cancer.Speedy recovery for your boyfriend,and have a very very happy and wonderful life together,
Oct. 25, 2012 4:06 am
Hi,Puck! I can only imagine the exhilaration of being lifted from despair into the warmth of hope by a gift as precious as life. You, your boyfriend, the donor and the donors family have my prayers.
Oct. 25, 2012 4:40 am
Hi Puck - I can't begin to tell you how happy I am for you & Kidney Boy to get this chance. Your donor is truly an angel. My thoughts & prayers will be with you. Now let's hope we get to see the Winter Classic Game just before the puck drops for you two. Have a great day.
Oct. 25, 2012 8:32 am
Puck: What a special gift from a complete stranger! Best of luck to everyone involved. Keep in touch and let us know how they are doing.
Oct. 25, 2012 8:58 am
Thank You for sharing Puck. I am reading thru tears of joy. Speady recovery to Kidney Boy and the special man donating!
Oct. 25, 2012 9:04 am
What a beautiful story and gift. I hope the surgery fully restores your boy friends health and you have many years together.
Oct. 25, 2012 9:09 am
Puck - This is truly a wonderful story! When I started reading I had no idea what the ending was going to be. Now I know - there is no ending - for this is a beginning! What a truly wonderful man this stranger is who is coming into your lives and giving you such hope and a new lease on life! You and Kidney Boy and this other man and his family will be in my thoughts and prayers. And, I agree with you about how this site seems to be returning to a place with less petty drama and more a place to come to see old friends and meet some new. :)
Oct. 25, 2012 9:13 am
What a great story Puck. I wish you and your guy many many years of happiness and love together. Good for you both!
Oct. 25, 2012 9:58 am
What great news! I hope that you and your Kidney Boy will continue to share a very happy life from now on, making great memories for a very long time!
Oct. 25, 2012 10:38 am
Oh Lord have mercy. I am going to have an H2O meltdown. I am so very happy for you two.
Oct. 25, 2012 1:15 pm
An amazing gift from a stranger, my nephew is on the donor list to receive a kidney. It is hard on the whole family waiting to receive such a gift.
Oct. 25, 2012 5:18 pm
Puck-I wish you and your guy the best. I hope you both have many years together. No one knows what cards you will be dealt while you are here on earth.
Oct. 25, 2012 5:21 pm
And not a dry eye in the house... Best wishes...
Oct. 25, 2012 7:18 pm
Such a generous gift from a stranger. Good luck to you all.
Oct. 25, 2012 8:38 pm
Wow, Puck. Such a sad but heartwarming story. Prayers for you and Kidney Boy.
Oct. 25, 2012 9:34 pm
I am so glad to hear your good news. May God bless this man for his sacrifice and the two of you for your commitment to one another.
Oct. 26, 2012 1:15 am
Oh manella, I am so very sorry to hear about your sister. Cancer is the most dreadful thing ever, and it touches so many people's lives at some point in some way. Thank you for your kind words :)
Oct. 26, 2012 1:18 am
Hi Mike! Exhilaration- I can't think of a better word! Thank you so much for your prayers- we can certainly use all we can get in the coming months!
Oct. 26, 2012 1:25 am
Good morning Doug :) I tell you, I will be quite happy when (if?) this lockout comes to an end. I miss hockey more than I care to admit! Thank you for stopping by- you could not be more right...this donor is a true angel among us!
Oct. 26, 2012 1:27 am
Thank you bikerfamily! I will be sure to check in and give updates as I can :)
Oct. 26, 2012 1:31 am
Thanks Heather! I have been in tears off and on for a couple of days- but it is great to have something great bring them to my eyes for a change :)
Oct. 26, 2012 1:34 am
Me too Marie C. There is a long road ahead to be sure, but hopefully, once he recovers, we can go forward in so many exciting ways :)
Oct. 26, 2012 1:39 am
I really do hope it continues that way with AR, Mother Ann. I was sad to find myself coming here less and less often, but hopefully the unsavory types have grown bored and moved on. Thank you for your prayers! A new beginning indeed :)
Oct. 26, 2012 1:41 am
Thanks Raedwulf- how awesome to be thinking in terms of many, many years!!!
Oct. 26, 2012 1:43 am
Thanks so much merlion! I so very much appreciate your well wishes :)
Oct. 26, 2012 1:45 am
Haha Dog Fish Head aka Fabius! An H2O meltdown- that sounds about right! What an emotional roller coaster! Thanks for stopping by :)
Oct. 26, 2012 1:49 am
Oh Cat Hill, I will put your nephew and your family on my prayer list. I can so relate to how hard it is on everyone. First to get the news, then all you have to go through to get on the list (not to mention stay on it)...and the waiting. The waiting can seem so endless at times. I will pray that your nephew receives the same miraculous gift that we are about to. It CAN happen...never lose hope!
Oct. 26, 2012 1:51 am
Lela, very, very true. You have to do the best with the hand you are dealt, and never take things, no matter how small, for granted. We would all be wise to remember that!
Oct. 26, 2012 1:53 am
KingSparta, your avatar picture puts a smile on my face every time I see it. Such a cutie! Thank you for the well wishes :)
Oct. 26, 2012 1:55 am
Thank you Magnolia Blossom! I still can't believe the amazing kindness of strangers boggles my mind!
Oct. 26, 2012 1:58 am
Thank you kindly for the prayers b.d. weld- we certainly need them :)
Oct. 26, 2012 2:03 am
petey- your avatar always makes me smile too! It is indeed quite a sacrifice this man is making. God blessed us so much by leading him to us...and we will hold him in our hearts forever. Thank you for reading this and for your thoughtful words...they mean a lot to me :)
Oct. 26, 2012 6:51 am
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Puck. Just reading it changed my mood entirely from grumpy to grateful. Many blessings to you, your boyfriend, and your wonderful donor. :o)
Oct. 26, 2012 7:21 am
Even in the darkest of nights, somewhere there is a shining your case it's coming from the kindness of a stranger's soul giving you both hope. This is reinforcement that having faith in humankind is something we should never lose, or give up on. You know that you and J are in my prayers, your families and this generous stranger as well!
Oct. 26, 2012 8:21 am
Wow. Words fail me right now. My best wishes to both of you, Puck. A truly heartwarming story today.
J. Dub 
Oct. 26, 2012 8:54 am
Puck, I can identify to an extent with your story. My father was in the same boat as your boyfriend. His kidneys were failing. They were working at about 5%. He was on dialysis and I know what that's all about. It was an incredibly sad time in my life as well as my whole family. After struggling with this for some time, my cousin was matched as a donor and they completed the surgeries. Everything went well and I'm so happy to say that they are both doing very well. And this all happened about 6 years ago. My dad has gotten to know and love 4 more grandchildren that have been born in that time. Those are the things I think about that would have been lost if not for my amazing cousin. It's so great to hear about your blessing in the form of a complete stranger. I too needed to hear this story as many times the news is just too much to listen to. It's my hope that many more blessings come to you and your boyfriend.
Oct. 26, 2012 10:09 am
Puck, thank you so much for sharing your heartwarming story with us! You are all so inspiring. You for loving and standing by your man (not all do), your boyfriend for staying optimistic (which makes it so much easier on you) and the donor for his selfless, generous act. In the months ahead, I will be thinking of you all and hoping for a quick recovery and many many years of good health and happiness.
Oct. 26, 2012 4:46 pm
Puck, I'm so glad you are back on the Buzz! I have wondered how things were going, and I could never have guessed that you were going to receive such a blessing. My sincere wishes for Kidney Boy's recovery and for your peace and well-being. Thanks for sharing your heart with us!
Oct. 26, 2012 7:56 pm
I don't have the words to express how wonderful I feel for you and yours, and for the wonderful, selfless, and generous donor. My prayers to all for a most successful outcome for everyone.
Oct. 27, 2012 12:51 am
Dear Puck, Thank God for that Special Angel, My best wishes and prayers to him and Kidney boy. My brother is also waiting for a kidney donor. I hope that he will have a 2nd chance at life. Thank you for sharing your story. May you and Kidney boy have have a long and happy life together.
Oct. 27, 2012 6:34 pm
Puck, what a wonderful gift you and KB have been given! God bless that wonderful man and his family for their generosity! God bless you and your boyfriend for your love and comittment to each other. I, too, have been here on AR very seldom for a long time because of all the bad karma going on. I am glad to hear it is so much better and maybe I can feel comfortable here again! I will be praying for all of you involved in this adventure!
Oct. 27, 2012 10:30 pm
Thanks cheepchick! I am so happy to be able to share some good news- I was hoping it would put at least one person in a better mood :)
Oct. 27, 2012 10:36 pm
Wyattdogster, you are so right about never losing faith in humanity. Although we all hear/read about the tragedies, every day there are people silently working miracles, both big and small. Thank you so much for always being there for me :)
Oct. 27, 2012 10:38 pm
Thank you wisweetp! I so appreciate your well wishes :)
Oct. 27, 2012 10:44 pm
Wow J.Dub- that is an incredible story! I am so sorry your family had to go through that. It is very trying for everyone. What an amazing blessing that your cousin was able to help your dad! It is truly such a selfless thing to do, and I am so very happy it was a total success. Thank you for sharing your story, and for your blessings :)
Oct. 27, 2012 10:50 pm
Oh Patches- you made me tear up a bit! I certainly don't feel very inspiring, and for me it was never an option to do anything but stick with my hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it! He does inspire me- I don't think I would have his strength and positive attitude if it were me. And the donor? The most inspiring person of all!!!! Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts :)
Oct. 27, 2012 10:54 pm
I have to tell you Bibi, when I wrote my first blog I wasn't very optimistic. A lot of things have changed for the better in that time! People like you are the reason I was sad to leave AR, and why I wanted to come back. Thank you for being you!!! :)
Oct. 27, 2012 10:56 pm
Nutmeg~n~Pepper- I love your screen name! Thank you so much for the prayers. We've still got a long road ahead, and we can use them :)
Oct. 27, 2012 11:02 pm
I am terribly sorry to hear that thunder. Oh my, do I ever know how hard it is. Sometimes it seems the wait on the list is endless. I will keep your brother and your family in my prayers. Don't give up never do know when that phone call will come! Whenever you get discouraged, remember that miracles DO happen!
Oct. 27, 2012 11:07 pm
grannygigi- it is so wonderful to "see" you again! It is sad that so many members felt the need to leave or take a break from AR. It does seem to be coming back around, although it is a lot slower around here than I recall. I hope that you do feel comfortable enough to drop in more often...I know I do. I so very much appreciate your prayers- thank you so much :)
Oct. 28, 2012 4:49 am
What a selfless act by this kind stranger! I will keep you and your boyfriend in my prayers.
Oct. 28, 2012 8:32 pm
Oh, Puck, how wonderful! Some days are diamonds and some people are angels. We have followed your story for a while now, and it is so wonderful to read this chapter. If anyone ever doubted it...there are miracles. Every day. So lucky you are witness to one! Here is to new beginnings.
Oct. 29, 2012 8:57 pm
Thank you so much Sugarnspice :)
Oct. 29, 2012 9:01 pm
chris k- so very true, miracles DO happen! I still can't hardly believe it and I don't think it will totally sink in until it is happening. Thank you for your support- it means a lot :)
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Oct. 31, 2012 5:47 pm
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Nov. 5, 2012 10:45 am
Wonderful news! Congratulations! A very touching blog, hang in there, one day at a time!
Jan. 9, 2013 11:08 am
I am truly touched by your story and the honesty with which you share it. Kind acts are like rippling water and I beleive others will be encouraged to offer up some of thier own good in a world where that is frequently overlooked. I will raise a prayer for recovery and strength for both you .
Jan. 24, 2013 7:46 pm
thanks for sharing your story Puck. i hope Kidney Boy regains his strength a little more each day. my brother in law started dialysis a couple of months ago due to a rare 'blood' disease. he is only 53. we hope that he too will receive a kidney if and when he is well enough to receive.
Mar. 17, 2013 5:47 am
I have never read a cooks profile before today and for some reason i was compelled to read about other people today. I must say your story brought tears to my eyes as I am a very if not overly sentimental person. I am very glad you and your boyfriend will now have a great chance of living together longer without the worry of the disease. I am very happy for you. and as for your daughter that dislikes everything... dont worry she will grow out of it. Mine did. LOL!
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Phoenix, Arizona, USA

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Jan. 2005

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Grilling & BBQ, Stir Frying, Slow Cooking, Asian, Mexican, Italian

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About Me
I live with my boyfriend and my daughter in our cozy little house that we all love(except my daughter, who is 13 and likes nothing). We have three dogs, a cat and two turtles. Up until recently we also had a pet mouse (the daughter's), and I have since learned the perils of joking around about a pet's demise.
My favorite things to cook
I love to cook things that produce the biggest smiles. So, for the BF, that would be corned beef and cabbage. For DD it would be pierogies. For a dear family friend, it would be my marinara, for I have never received such raves...ever!
My favorite family cooking traditions
There are many. Two favorites I have loved since my earliest memories: on Thanksgiving, orange jello salad; on Christmas, red jello salad. They bring such memories! Sometimes simplicity is the key to happiness.
My cooking triumphs
I am a huge (HUGE) football fan. Let's just say I have the NFL Network and I use it often! Anyways, I went to a Steelers game a couple years back (tailgaiting begins no later than 9:00 a.m.). Oh what a day! But I STILL made dinner that night. Nobody can remember what the heck it was, but we all loved it! (I am still searching my cookbooks for it).
My cooking tragedies
See the above triumph. Same type of day (football), except I got "confused" and instead of checking my watch for the date and smelling the milk, I smelled my watch and looked at the milk!!! Bad milk, bad next day. Lol! I don't go to football games anymore...
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