The hardest part of the Christmas Season for me
Nov. 28, 2012 7:45 am
Updated: Dec. 6, 2012 5:44 am
In the month of December my task as an Allstar is to take part in Cookies Across America - The World's Biggest Cookie Swap. This will be the most difficut assignment yet because with each cookie I make I will be remembering years past. From the Crisco
cookies to the Russian Tea Cakes... I don't know how I will do it...
This will be the first Christmas season without my Mother in Law. She passed away suddenly in March and I find myself crying over the stupidest things and at the oddest moments. I never realized how much I counted on her being there for my family until after
she was gone!
I can't seem to get into the Christmas spirit. I don't want to decorate the house, I really wish I could just cancel it all together. The idea of baking cookies for Christmas brings tears to my eyes. I have baked them with her more years than not for the last
16 years. I just pulled out her recipe book with her favorite recipes and I found myself crying over them.
When Val passed away we were not talking because she was making some choices I didn't agree with. During those weeks leading up to her death I remember many times wanting to call and talk to her but my pride would not let me do it. She had started dating a
young boy, he was 23 and she was 63. He was using her because he had no where to go. He caused her to be evicted from her apartment and they were in the process of moving to Florida... far away from her family. I was hoping that she would come to her senses
but just days before she was set to leave she died suddenly. I believe she was not taking her medication properly because she was trying to support this kid who had been evicted from his apartment in the same building as her just before she opened up her home
to him. My kids spent almost all of their free time with Val up until he moved in. My kids felt as though they didn't get her attention when this boy was around and they decided not to spend very much time there afterwards. The last time I seen Val she had
come to my house. She was only here for 20 minutes and I hardly spoke to her because that boy was with her. She got to see my daughter but when I went to get my youngest son from school, she left. Never seeing him or saying anything to him. I was so mad when
I pulled into my driveway because of that, that I would not allow myself to call her...now I regret it with all of my heart. I never realized that something like this could happen and wish everyday that things had been different!
So now I find myself looking ahead at the task of baking Christmas Cookies and I am not sure I can do it. I don't know how people handle grief. I am finding it unbearable. Don't get me wrong I have had people pass away in my life before but never anyone so
close to me. Someone that I spoke with multiple times a day, that I shared just about everything with! This has been the hardest thing I have dealt with in my life.
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