Welcome to The Buzz

hello Carrie,it is very hard this time of year for me also,even though it's been 25 years that my mom's been gone and 8 years since my baby sister passed away.As you said people handle grief their own way.It's not just Christmas that's hard it's birthdays,mothers day.My children were very young when my mom passed away,so we had Christmas,after the first shock that i could not phone my mom,i cried like a baby.It does get better one day at a time.Don't blame yourself for what happened,it was also her choice.I'm sorry if i overstepped,and it will get better.Take care of yourself.

Thanks manella! No overstepping here! Just trying to figure out how to deal with this. I am so sorry for your losses! My parents are still with me, thank goodness!, even though they drive me crazy! My sister was killed 10 years ago now but we were never close so it didn't hit me the same way! Not sure how I will handle my parents passing when the time comes. Just never realized how hard it truly would be. Life sucks sometimes!

Oh, Carrie! (((HUGS))) It is so hard....don't push yourself this year.....your hubby is feeling it too. Those Christmas feelings will come back. Maybe get the kids to help you more this year and ask a special friend to help you with the cookies. XOXO

Carrie: Your story breaks my heart.

Thank you Cindy! I know you understand how I feel, probably more so. I am truly blessed to have gotten to know you and I am praying your holiday season is filled with joy!

bikerfamily - Thank you, I am trying to find a way to deal with this before I have tears all through my cookies :)

Carrie, ask yourself what your MIL would want for you and your family and then follow her wishes. You can only be expected to do what you are able to do but try not to let her passing spoil the holidays for you and your family. Your life was enriched by her having been a part of it. For a short time, her priorities might have changed but you know in your heart that her relationship with that boy would have ended but you and your husband and kids would always have been her family and her priority. Cherish her memory and the joy your relationship brought to your life and your family. Set out an extra spatula and measuring cup and allow her to make those cookies right along with you, even if just in spirit. She is at peace and happy in heaven and she would want you to be happy, too. Talk to her, ask her and yourself how to make your life and the lives of your family honor her memory and the contribution she made to your lives and then follow your heart. Wishing you peace and joy in this season and in the future.

Janet your kind words have now set off a whole nother set of waterworks. I know in my heart that you are correct. She loved us all very much and I had a special relationship with her I just wish I had verbalized that too her when she was here!

I love the idea of setting out an extra spatula and measuring cup... some others may feel thats a little wierd but I truly do miss her and wish I could have a do over!

Carrie - I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It's ok if you're not in the Christmas spirit this year. Everyone recovers from grief in their own way and at their own pace. Sometimes, for me, it's easier if I keep myself occupied so that I don't allow myself to dwell too much on that, that I can't control. I hope you are able to do the cookie exchange possibly with the idea of doing so on your MIL's behalf, a way of honoring her, so to speak. Perhaps so that if she's looking down on you from above, she will feel the love and commitment you have towards carrying on your baking tradition.

Oops, I guess my suggestion pretty much mirrors Janet's. Sorry, I didn't read her post before I posted. But, hey, it must be good advice, huh?

It absolutely is good advice mi being mi! I am hoping I will get lots of help this baking season and can do it in her honor. Thank you!

I am so sorry for your your loss. You have to believe your mother-in-law knew how much you loved her, and that she loved you, too. It *is* hard losing someone close, and despite what others say, you never get over it. What you do is get *through* it. You will always have her in your heart, and every time you think about her or talk about her, she is alive. Everyone grieves in their own way, and there is no timeline for when that grief ends. While your heart is healing, you will see and hear many things that remind you of your mother-in-law. Even everyday, ordinary things will hurt right now, but it will get better and the time will come when you can even laugh at some of the memories. Just not right away, but someday. In the meantime, take time to grieve, help your family with their grief and know how much others care about you during this difficult time. ((((HUGS))))

Janet, your idea of the extra spatula and measuring cup brought tears to my eyes. What a lovely thought.

Hey carrie Sugarnspice is right,you never do get over it,but it does get better over time,they will always be with you,i swear i still my mom's voice,or maybe that is just wishing.Janet has a very good idea,with the measureing cup.And as Sugarnspice says you will learn to laugh,as i'm sure she knows you love her.Take care of yourself.

Thank you Sugarnspice! My DH thinks I am grieving more than him but I think I had a closer relationship to her than he did in the last several years. It was a running joke that she talked to me more than him. Whenever she called and he answered the phone she would ask for me straight away. Boy do I miss those calls. There were many times I didn't pick up and now I would give anything for one!

Thanks manella! For the longest time and still now I will dial her number. It sucks that they remove the voicemail after your phone is in active for awhile! I think I was torturing myself there for awhile.

You know carrie you will feel guilty for some things for awhile,that's only normal,it takes time,you have your family and one day you will think of something she said,or did that will bring a smile to your lips,and your heart won't be so heavy.

Carrie your blog brought back memories for me,some sad,but mostly good.Had a good cry,now i will take my dog for a walk.Baby steps.

Sorry manella! It wasn't my intent to make everyone else sad. Its kinda wierd... I have been thinking about my MIL all day and my SIL calls me to ask if I would mind if she gave Val's cell phone away to my FIL(They were divorced). Must be one of those days!

Carrie you did not make me sad,my memories did.It's a good thing,that way you don't forget.We all have days like that,just wish yours wasn't so stressful.Just keep talking,let it all out,as the old saying goes,"better out then in".

I am so sorry for your loss and the missed opportunity to reconcile before your MIL passing. I also had a hard time baking after my mother passed as it was something special that we shared. I hope you are able to find a balance for this years celebrations.

Carrie, it's easy sometimes to forget that Christmas isn't happy for everyone. I, too, didn't find out how much I loved my MIL until she died. I miss her, especially at Christmas, since that was her favorite time of year. I try to honor her memory by pulling out some of her recipes, and by giving a place of honor on the Christmas tree for her ornaments.

Some days will be better than others, but eventually you will be able to remember her without the overwhelming sadness you feel now. I don't believe one person grieves more than another, just different. Some days he may be the stronger one and have to lend you a shoulder to cry on, while other days you will be the stronger one. The important thing is that you're there for each other.

It is so hard losing someone you love and even worse if you have regrets. It is completely understandable that you didn't agree with her decision to take up with this young fellow and move away from the family. You shouldn't feel bad about that. I know it is rough since she died before you were all able to resolve this situation. Try to focus on the good times you had together and dwell on the positive. She knew in her heart that you all loved her. The holidays are hard once you lose someone special to your life. It will take time. Sorry for your loss.

My wife's dad died at Christmas in 1981, She still cries every year. Some how cookies always make people smile. It maybe good therapy.

Thank you Marie C.! Its wierd I can make just regular cookies but something about calling them "Christmas Cookies" really gets to me! Maybe because there are special cookies we always baked just for the holiday!

Thanks Bibi! I was just thinking today that I would like to make an ornament with my kids to hang on our tree to symbolize her. My daughter won't even talk about her and refuses to visit her grave. I am not sure how to help her. She was the closest to Grandma Val and has really struggled with her passing.

Sugarnspice - I know he grieves for her just not in the way I do. I tried so hard to be strong for him but he was the one trying to hold me together. We were having a conversation the other day about her and started tearing up and he was like now don't start that again! I think I may be annoying him a little!

Thank you iceemama! I have been so torn up by all of this. My daughter and I actually had fights before Val died because of my feelings regarding all of this. She was way more understanding of the situation than I. I often wonder if my daughter isn't still upset with me over it! Her and I attend counseling every other week for her ADHD and she is definitely angry at me but won't say why and Val is a taboo subject in her therapy sessions or she shuts down.

I sure hope so KingSparta! :)

Carrie,in all that was said i forgot to tell you how very sorry iam for your loss.

Thank you so much manella! You have been a great help today! It was kinda wierd my SIL called me today out of the blue and I mentioned to her that Val was in my thoughts today, we have made plans to bake together! We have never done this in the past. She was the only daughter and didn't have the best relationship with her mother but she is missing her just as much if not more than I.

Carrie, no beating around the bush,this is going to be a tough Christmas for you,but remember,you have your family,and of course us here also.I know i haven't been here as long as some,but i know what you are feeling,and i hope i'm not out of line by saying if you need to talk,blow off steam or what ever just post like you have been.I will be thinking of you,carrie.Take care.

So sorry for your loss Carrie. Perhaps baking with your SIL will help with the grieving process. You can cry together and perhaps forge a new relationship. Your DH & kids may appreciate the effort of honoring your MIL's recipes. Hugs!

Thanks Magnolia Blossom!!! I sure hope it will help bring us closer. My DH just said tonight... when I start feeling better there better be some sugary goodness! I swear sometimes that is all he thinks about! lol I have her brownie recipe and I would really like to make those for him... I know he misses her. He justs puts on a better face than me!

Oh Carrie, I am so sorry you lost you MIL and friend. It's so very hard when someone dies under the circumstances you wrote about above. My own dear Mama has been gone for years and not a day goes by that I don't think about her or miss her. And, while we didn't always agree, I focus on all the good and positive things and the many things she taught me. Try remembering the good times and find ONE thing each day she did for you or your family. That can be so healing! Also, time is a wonderful medicine.....

Thank you Candice! I have been really trying to focus on the positive things she did. When it gets really tough is when I run into a problem whether it is monetary or whatever and I know she would have helped me out... school supply shopping was really tough because that is something she always did! It is awful knowing that I didn't always tell her how much I appreciated her. She treated me like a daughter always... more so sometimes than my own parents. She would have willingly given me all that she had, I only had to ask. You really hit the nail on the head... She was my FRIEND! Just a added bonus that she was also my second mother!

One step at a time that is all you can do. We can bake together like we did the Snickerdoodles. That was fun and I just love being evil joey tempting you with another recipe. This is the year you try new and different cookie recipes. Thanks to Allrecipe and the cookie swap there is no shortage of recipes. I am hugging you and thinking of you everyday.

I am so sorry for your loss Carrie. It is so hard when we don't get that last time to make some kind of amends. Truth be told, there is NEVER enough time or words to express our feeling for those that we love. (in spite of difficulties) I send you a big {{{{{cyberhug}}}}} and wish you and your family a peaceful Christmas season.

Thank you Joey! It was fun baking with you! You definitely are good at being evil ;)

That is so true Mauigirl. Thank you for the the hug I definitely needed that!

I am so sorry Carrie. I know it will not be easy. I'll volunteer like Joey, you pick a recipe and I'll bake it here and you bake it there. We could even bake one of you MIL's recipes.

Thank you MrsFisher! That would be awesome and I would very much enjoy that!

Dear Carrue, I am feeling every word of your story. Christmas really does bring so much pain along with the good memories when a loss is fresh. I too have terrible regret that I did not spend more time with my aunt when she was still on earth. She was in stage 4 cancer then. I am trying to make up for that by spending as much time with my dear life companion as possible, since now he too is in stage 4 cancer. I know how you feel about all the decorations and holiday obligations. This first Christmas will be the hardest, but the pain will ease with each passing year. Take comfort in knowing that you WILL be together again, when the time comes. I am including you in my prayers, and I am sure that others are too. You will not have to bear this alone. Others are there to lift you up and help you move ahead even when you are feeling that you can't take one more step forward. Blessings to you

Thank you CookieWeasel for your words. I am so sorry you are going through that. My MIL died quickly(well sorta - they performed CPR in our presence for well over 5 hours on and off) but to watch a loved one suffer day in and day out is far worse. I remember taking care of my grandpa when I was 16 and he was dying of cancer, it was the worst thing to know that he was in pain and there was nothing I could do about it. I will be thinking and praying for you and your companion. May the Dear Lord watch over you during all of this!

Carrie, I am sorry for your loss, I wish I could take away your pain. Christmas was my Mom's favorite Holiday, She passed away 6 years ago. Most of my handmade ornamentsa were made by her, and I will forever cherish them. I miss her every day, and its still hard. One thing that helped me, was to talk to her, sometime out loud, sometimes just in my head. You might encourage your daughter to write a letter to Your MIL, maybe on a daily basis, just so she can feel still connected to her. The letters or journal is her private connection, and might help her start to heal. Please enjoy the holiday baking and remember that your MIL is still with you, in your heart, and in her grandchildren. Peace and healing thought to you and your family.

Thunder - Thank you for your words. I wish I had my MIL's old ornaments but as with most of her life she went through a time and her stuff was in storage, and she lost all of it. I am glad you still have something that meant so much to your mom! Christmas I am finding to be my hardest time since she passed. I think because her and I both loved the holiday time. I do find myself often talking to her, probably not what she wants to hear, I am sure! That is a great idea for Cassie. I will talk to her about it and hopefully she will find a way to get through all of this. I spoke with her yesterday about making a special ornament for our tree in honor of Grandma and she just said ok... Now I am trying to find ideas on what to do for it.

Carrie, how old is Cassie? I spent my entire childhood /young adult hood making Christmas Ornaments. I can help make suggestions. Also, stores like Michaels Craft or JoAnn Fabrics have great books on making ornaments, as well as DIY crafts on the internet. Take Care and take it one day at a time. Healing will take time.

That would be awesome. She is 12. I also have 2 sons 15 and 9. I was thinking that they may each like making one that is special to them.

Carrie, If you have long pine cones availble, they can be turned into angels with the cone being the body, silver pipecleaners for arms, bent to hold a horn( golf tee) and a solid small wooden bead for the head. With a piece of thread or wire the angel can be attached to a tree hook. Or take a plain satin ball, straight pins and sequinns and turn into a fancy ornament. My brother took a plain styrafoam ball and covered it red and silver sequinns, it is one of my favorite ornaments and its over 50 years old. Craft stores have lots of ideas to spur you on, Wooden frames to paint and put Val's picture in, or clear plastic balls that come apart and then you put a memento in it and then glue it together to hang on the tree. Happy Crafting and May you and your family have a Peaceful Holiday Season.

Hi Carrie, I am so sorry for your loss...and if you choose not to read anything else in this comment, please read the following: Be kind to yourself through the holidays, and if you dread doing some of your usual holiday things, DON'T DO THEM!!! Do not force yourself to do anything, & don't beat yourself up about it. Maybe next year you will feel differently...maybe not. I know this advice will seem harsh to some people, but I give it from my own experience. My older son (mid-30's) was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease), which is an automatic death sentence. In an instant, life as we knew it was gone forever. Being divorced, we moved him back into his old bedroom, along with his son (our only grandchild). The 1st Christmas, I kept to the same routine...my grandson & I had always baked & decorated Christmas cookies together, trim the tree & decorate the house. Although my son's muscles had "died" by Christmas, he was still able to enjoy our normal Christmas Eve party, Christmas dinner, gifts being opened by the tree, etc. - but that year he did it from a wheelchair. By the 2nd Christmas, he was bedridden...his neuropathic pain was excruciating, the contractures in his hands made him unable to open them. I fed Christmas dinner to him while I sat on the hospital bed in his room. But listen, Carrie, I had continued to do every single normal activity that Christmas...the tree, Xmas cookies, decorations, everything... as if nothing had changed. Six weeks later, my son & I moved to hospice. For 3 mos., I continued to go to work...oh yes, I must keep up normal routines. Then, one day I could not leave him...I called my workplace & told them I had no idea when I would return. Of course, everyone in the State agency where I had worked for many years, knew my phone call would be coming soon. I could/would not leave him for the last 3 weeks of his life. I won't describe what he went through the last 5 days of his life...just know that I am battling PTSD. (He drew his last breath the Friday before Mother's Day). That Xmas, I cannot tell you how I dreaded, hated the thought of doing any of the traditional things...but I did, for my grandson. But, looking back, I don't think he cared. Exactly one year later, my mom died unexpectedly. Carrie, I could not function anymore...that was the end. I "hit a wall" of such despair that it cannot be described. My denial of my son really being gone & now my Mom...too many empty chairs for ANY holiday (my husband's wonderful father died during my son's illness). Now, my husband, grandson & I go away somewhere, anywhere for Thanksgiving & Christmas. I have no words to tell you how wonderful it is to not be at home during these times. Well Carrie, when I started writing this, I had no intention of dredging up all these memories & laying them on you. (Gosh, I feel like I am a drama queen.) All I had meant to do was let you see that you should not do as I did. (I don't even know if that last sentence made sense!) Take care of Carrie, be kind to yourself, don't feel like you have to keep up traditional activities if you don't want to do them. Most important: If others do not understand your grief, THAT IS THEIR PROBLEM, not yours. It has taken grief counselors/therapists/psychiatrists/meds for me to finally get to that place that allows me to make that statement without feeling guilty. God bless.

Thunder - those are great ideas! I will have to try to find the pinecones and I love the styrofoam ones. so easy! Thank you!

ajackie51 - I cannot imagine what it was to go through what you did! I am so sorry for your losses. Those were devastating in to short of a period of time. It is great that you were there for your son and although it had to of been difficult watching him go through that you needed to be there. I know this because as my MIL was in the ER being resuscitated over and over again, we sat there and watched it every time. At one point I turned to my DH and SIL and told them that they needed to make a decision because what was being done to her was not humane. It was the worst thing I have ever witnessed... I have seen CPR being performed before but never on a loved one. The Dr. that was in there seemed heartless in the way she spoke to us but we all hoped that they could save her. It was awful but we needed to be there! To watch your child suffer... I hope to never have to go through that! It would be even more devastating to me as I am sure it was to you and then to lose your mom that soon afterward! Ten years ago my sister was murdered and the pain that my parents felt and still feel over the loss of their child has almost crushed our family. I pray that you and your husband and grandson find peace in this holiday season! Thank you so much for your words. It has been very hard for me to truly grieve because I at times was not as gracious to my MIL as I should have been and I carry that with me every day. I pray that in time I accept all that occurred, it is just very difficult for me to get past it right now.

Ajackie51, I can hear your pain in your words, and my heartfelt prayers go out to you. God keep you always in His care.

Carrie, (((((((HUGS))))))) So sorry for your loss. Please just be kind to yourself and those closest to you, and don't worry too much about Christmas traditions. Do what you have to and let the rest go. Grief is taking up your time and energy right now, and you need to heal. You are not alone. You and your family will be in our hearts and prayers this holiday season.

Thank you Cookie Monster! It is a great comfort to me to have so many people post such positive words of advice!

For the last 2 years in a row I hardly did any of my usual decorating and baking. Thanks to an operation last spring ,I am better! You must know your Mother in law is in a better place and she would want you and your children to celebrate and enjoy her recipes! She pasted them to you and you need to past the traditions on. Forgive yourself for being stubborn and make her favorite recipe first. and always remember this feeling and forgive the kids when they make you mad...you will be teaching them forgivness and after LOVE, that is the most important thing you can teach your kids!! That makes love last. Merry Christmas ..cheer up and put on that apron girl!!

til I looked at the draft ov $7328, I accept that my best friend was like they say actualy receiving money part-time on their computer.. there aunts neighbour haz done this for only nineteen months and just repayed the dept on there villa and got a new Volkswagen Golf GTI. go to, cloud68.com

Thank you snowwhite. I try to remind myself everyday that I don't want to end up with the same type of relationship with my kids when they are older. It is a pattern that I don't care to repeat. Thank you for the reminder! I am glad to hear you are back at it!

It's going on 5 years since my parents passed away my mother 1st jan and my father just to months later in feb. It is hard for me to just knowing that last christmas was the last christmas.I went through the same thing no ambition to do christmas at all,you should some how make new family traditions with the people in your life.Don't focus on the what if's or the bad things,you can't change the past.It will take time .Rememeber your mother in law for the good times and family togetherness and traditions.

I've been feeling the same the past few days. Every year at Christmas I'd make several different kinds of cookies and send them to my mother as her Christmas present. She just loved getting cookies every year as she was unable to bake for quite sometime. She passed away this past June at 91 years of age. I will miss baking those cookies for her.

Mary, I am so sorry for your losses! I cannot imagine how difficult the holiday season is for you. I am going to try my best to make the most of this season as I know that is what Val would want me to do. I have a feeling there will be many tears shed in the next few weeks.

I am so sorry for your loss Sue! It sounds like you had an amazing relationship with your mom! Maybe you could bake them for some folks in a nursing home near you. I am sure your mom would love that!

as Adam implied I'm shocked that you able to earn $7328 in one month on the internet. did you look at this page Cloud68.com

wow what a loss at christmas time! i am so sorry for your loss. i have to admit i am feeling lost this christmas too but for not the same reasons as you but lossess are losses none the less. we had a fire last year and lost everything we had and precious things that christmas made for me a happy time with the kids are felt intensely even though u can replace some things but those sentimental ones you made from the time your were a child yourself and you shared with your kids are the things i miss the most and shared recipes from baking with my mother and grandmother's passed down recipes that are lost is hard to handle even more as i get older as my memory ain't what it used to be and that is hard for me to get through the holidays without when it is expected of me every year. i share your feelings this time of the year and i feel your pain.

welcome to: http://www.famalegoods.com The website wholesale for many kinds of fashion shoes, like the nike,jordan,prada,****, also including the jeans,shirts,bags,hat and the decorations. All the products are free shipping, and the the price is competitive, and also can accept the paypal payment.,after the payment, can ship within short time. free shipping competitive price accept the credit card,paypal online payment

http://www.famalegoods.com


jordan shoes $32 nike shox $32 Christan Audigier bikini $23 Ed Hardy Bikini $23 Smful short_t-shirt_woman $15 ed hardy short_tank_woman $16 Sandal $32 christian louboutin $80 Sunglass $15 COACH_Necklace $27 handbag $33 AF tank woman $17 puma slipper woman $30



http://www.mineokmalls.com

fashion ugg boots 5991 Bailey Button Kids Chocolate UGG Boots 

http://www.mineokmalls.com/views/?5991-Bailey-Button-Kids-Chocolate-UGG-Boots-2866.html

until I looked at the check ov $9936, I accept ...that...my father in law was like actually making money in there spare time online.. there mums best friend started doing this for under 9 months and at present paid for the morgage on their apartment and bought Mercedes. we looked here, cloud68dotcom