A Bump In The Road - Ellen's Tastes Blog at Allrecipes.com - 268495

Ellen's Tastes

A bump in the road 
Feb. 25, 2012 5:51 am 
Updated: Feb. 29, 2012 9:15 am
It's not really fair to call my latest health development a "bump", but more on that in a bit.

The lovely (and very sweet) doctor I saw at Moffitt Cancer Center yesterday suspects I have an aggressive and advanced breast cancer — again in the left breast. I'm scheduled for next Wednesday to go through pretty much everything having to do with imaging: mammogram, ultrasound, and MRI, followed by scans of my bones and organs to look for metastases. By the end of the week, I should have a clear picture of how much trouble my body is in...if any. 

It could be a common healing problem with breasts that have been through radiation. That's the optimistic hope. The surgeon (who is Indian, and whose name is hard to spell and pronounce, so I'll call her "Dr. K.")... Dr. K gave me the worst case scenario: in part because I believe that's what she thinks is going on, but also because she'd rather prepare me for the worst and if it's better than that, hurrah! I don't disagree with her approach.

The facility I'm part of is solely dedicated to women with breast cancer, so — all things considered — I couldn't have landed in a better place. True, it's an hour from where we're "snow-birding" and 1500 miles from home but, for now anyway, it makes sense to stay the course. When we know more about what I'm dealing with, we'll make whatever decisions seem best.

I can't say I'm happy about the news, of course. It's discouraging, scary, upsetting, and sad. Hubby (Mike) and I have had some difficult moments since the exam yesterday, using more Kleenex than I even knew we had in the car. (My dear Mike sees to many things without me realizing what he's doing... and why. How lucky, and loved, I am).

And now for my thoughts on whether or not this is a "bump". After a great deal of thought, soul-searching, and Sundays at church, I came to the conclusion many years ago that I'm not a good fit for organized religion. Instead, I'm best described as "spiritual". Without going into a lot of detail, I believe the emotions I go through in response to the decline of my health are defined only in relation to life on earth. From a broader (spiritual) view, the sadness I feel is a response to the illusion of loss. The true "me" is part of a much bigger picture with no beginning and no end (it fits well with the notion that we're all God's children, made in His image to do unto others as we would have done to us). When I focus with this view of things, I'm at peace with the events of my life and am able to love and savor each moment...and that changes "bumps" into new opportunities, phases, and greater love. I hope this makes sense.

I'll let you know how things go.

Feb. 25, 2012 7:43 am
Oh this so makes sense to me. I too am spirit filled, meaning I have the precious gift of the Holy Spirit. The things I do "religiously" don't have much to do with God and are in fact part of my "fleshy" self. I hope that makes sense to you. Already praying for your situation and will continue to do so. Thank God for Mike. Blessings and healing.~~ Beloved, I wish above all things that ye may prosper and be in good health even as your soul prospers. 3 John 1:2
Feb. 25, 2012 7:54 am
Your journey scares the pants offa me. All my best Ellen Moriah, good luck as many times over as necessary to realize the results desired!!!
Feb. 25, 2012 8:01 am
I call it "A Power Greater Then Me" In AA Terms That Is spiritual.
Feb. 25, 2012 10:45 am
Moffitt is about 7 miles from my house and is a wonderful facility where you will get an accurate diagnosis and the very best treatment. I, too, have been described as "spiritual," and I take that as a compliment. You seem to have a very good understanding of who you are and that will help you deal with whatever comes your way. Hang in there, stay positive, and don't ever give us. We'll all be thinking about you and hoping the news is good!
Feb. 25, 2012 10:48 am
Ellen, I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you as usual. Thank you for letting us know. I will be thinking of you more than usual. I will be holding your hand every step of the way. Be well my friend. -Patricia.
Feb. 25, 2012 11:34 am
Whatever you decide and whatever course your treatments take, you and Mike have my complete support and prayers. I am not a professional of anything but I do have a strong back to lean on. My email address is pita2wife@gmail.com
Feb. 25, 2012 11:37 am
Ellen, please keep in touch. I will check regularly.
Feb. 25, 2012 11:48 am
If you have to be away from your usual medical team you wound up in an excellent place at Moffitt. People will often comment that God will never give you more than you can handle but I think it is more God will give you whatever it takes to come to truly know him. Your Mike sounds like a really terrific guy and I'm glad he's there for you. I continue to pray for you - to be at peace, have strength, minimal pain and the wisest medical care. We are here if there is any other way we can support you.
Feb. 25, 2012 8:13 pm
Ellen - I have been following your story and am so sorry to hear about your "bump in the road." You and your hubby Mike are in my thoughts and prayers. Your courage and clarity is amazing and uplifting. ((Hugs))
Feb. 26, 2012 8:24 pm
Ellenmoriah - I love that name, and God loves it, too! You have rich spiritual wisdom to walk with God. Let him hold your hand. He will speak to you through his word. Read it daily. Your strength in sharing this time of your life is a "God thing", which will reach far beyond your immediate circle, helping many others. Thank you so much for letting us be a part of this. "I am the God that healeth thee" comes to mind. I pray for your healing and strength, and for Mike, as well. You did not mention if you had children, or other close relatives.
Feb. 27, 2012 3:09 pm
I have a son (Sasha) who will turn 40 on May 5th (I can't believe how fast time has flown). I also have three grandsons (Spencer, 8; James, 7; and Wilco (5). And their mother, my daughter-in-law, is a sweetheart. Her name is Helen. I have lots of love around me (all of you included...even you, Raedwulf... try not to be scared of what pops up on life's journeys... try to embrace instead. It's easier that way ;)
Feb. 28, 2012 4:45 pm
Ellen, I just wanted to wish you the very best tomorrow. I will hold a good thought for you and pray extra hard tonight. Hang in there. You're doing a wonderful job. You're very fortunate to have your husband by your side. Take care of you. -Patricia.
Feb. 29, 2012 9:15 am
I've been thinking of you all morning and wondering how you're doing. I'm in your corner Ellen.
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About Me
I've loved cooking since I was a kid, and still have my first (very battered) cookbook. Other than cooking, I adore interior design, writing, and playing bridge. Oh... and tasting new wines (or old favorites).
My favorite things to cook
As I've grown older, my tastes and philosophy have changed. I now use organic ingredients whenever I can, and I prefer using unprocessed ingredients.
My favorite family cooking traditions
Well, my mother (bless her) had 8 people to feed, so she made foods that were easy to prepare. My favorites were her baked ribs with barbecue sauce; english muffins topped with cheese, tomato, and bacon, and then broiled; and spaghetti noodles with tomato soup and cheddar cheese stirred in. I wouldn't make these dishes today, but they're full of fond memories.
My cooking triumphs
Adding orange juice to diced tomato sauce • Adding Cointreau to fresh fruit salads or a chocolate sauce • Adding tequila and bittersweet chocolate to chili • "poaching" salmon in orange juice, sprinkled with Old Bay and tarragon • adding cidar vinegar and soy sauce to vegetable soups • adding fresh mint to steamed red potatoes • knowing how to bail out a botched dish (example: over-steamed broccoli mashed with bleu or swiss cheese isn't nearly as bad as over-steamed broccoli on it's own).
My cooking tragedies
Over-steaming broccoli and most any other veggie... and a lasagna that was so loaded with oregano, no one could eat it.
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