Something To Smile About, Part 1 And 2 - The Park Ave. Pub Blog at - 201827

The Park Ave. Pub

Something to smile about, part 1 and 2 
Oct. 24, 2010 11:49 am 
Updated: Oct. 29, 2010 7:40 pm
My original post was eaten.  Round two.

I'm sitting at a sports bar on the south end of town called The End Zone.  My cousin is watching the Titans, and I'm taking advantage of free Wi-Fi.  There's an expensive car parked diagonally across two spaces in the parking lot, and if I were still in my beat-up Saturn, I'd try to sneak into one of those spaces. 

Anyway, so yesterday I was supposed to get married.  I celebrated by being depressed and playing poker. 

(With these links, right-click and select Open in New Tab/Window.)
Here's me at the local VFW, being depressed and waiting to play:¤t=VFW.jpg<

Here's me at the table, being depressed and taking everyone's money:¤t=poker.jpg<

We then went home and became ridonkulously lazy.  I didn't cook.  I committed a cardinal sin and something to smile about, part 1:  I ordered Domino's.  Marinara sauce dripped off my chin and I made orgasmic noises as I ate.  David stayed about ten feet away at all times, because pizza makes him sick. 

It's a point of contention between us that I would pretty much sell my first born for a lifetime supply of pizza, but it'll make him sick for days.  I woke up this morning with some indigestion -- some of it from pizza, most of it from gin -- but in general I'll survive.  After a pizza night, though, I'll wake up at three in the morning and hear him in the bathroom, moaning like a dying animal. 

That brings me to something to smile about, part 2:  I have never been so happy to know about someone's bowels as I am now.  With David's stomach issues, I get daily reports of his bowel movements, and they change based on my cooking.  (I figure it takes a non-romantic relationship with someone to really achieve intimacy.)  He updates me constantly on the quality of his bowel movements... and he has euphemisms:

"Just gave birth to twin girls."
"That was an elephant."
"Why can't I digest corn?"
"I've got a jumper at the door, demanding a green light, and begging for a water landing."  (He's former military.  Only says that while running.)
"It's a boy."
"Better make something mild tonight."
"That jambalaya was painless... well done, kid."

Needless to say, those plungers are handy.  But my point is, the more I cook, the healthier his digestive tract gets.  I go to regular seminars on endoscopy (I work for a medical device manufacturer), and from that I learned about hiatal hernias... I strongly believe that he has one, due to the severity and omnipresence of his symptoms.  My grandmother (not on David's side) developed one and then died from cardiac arrest a few days later.  I'd like for him to get his stomach checked out, but he's lazy (and probably nervous), and if my cooking can do something for him in the meantime, then that's okay. 

At the end of the day, my cooking has improved the bowel movements of someone I care about, and that makes me happy. 

On an unrelated note, I would like to invent a bar shot and call it "The Miss Jackson If You're Nasty."  What should go in it?  I once named a shot at Ace's Pub; they were calling it "Sake and Monster" for the longest time before I suggested "Godzilla."

Oct. 25, 2010 9:44 am
Oh, were you in Nashville when you were writing this? I ask because we have a bar called The End Zone and of course, we're home to the Titans! If so, I hope you had a great time!
Oct. 25, 2010 9:50 am
No, I was in Indiana. I was with my cousin, who spent a few years in Nashville, and we still have family down there. Usually I watch the Colts, but they had a bye week.
Oct. 29, 2010 7:40 pm
How about Jack Daniels,Creme de cocoa and milk?
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Susan Dyer

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Lafayette, Indiana, USA
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About Me
I am happily married and living in West Lafayette, IN with our cat. I love to cook for my husband and the rest of our family. I am still looking for the career that is right for me, but I may go back to school in the next couple of years. I graduated with an English degree from Purdue University. I started cooking originally out of necessity, and it became a stress-relief hobby. :)
My favorite things to cook
Rib roast, my special green beans, anything Mexican (especially steak fajitas and chicken enchiladas), egg souffle, baked salmon, my roasted potatoes, anything I haven't cooked before. Also anything that can guarantee leftovers.
My favorite family cooking traditions
Like any Hoosier family -- corn on the cob! I make a breakfast casserole every year for Christmas morning, and I've hosted Thanksgiving several times (and I love it, even though I'm sore the next day).
My cooking triumphs
Impressing my brother, who is an awesome cook, with my lasagna; getting my cousin to eat vegetables for the first time ever, as mine are apparently more palatable somehow; seeing my in-laws go back for seconds the first time I cooked for them; hearing nothing but grunts and muffled chewing from my husband while he eats dinner at home.
My cooking tragedies
The handful of times that I have grossly over-seasoned the food. Also, once I left Italian peas on the stove too long (I was trying to shove a friend out the door so we could eat) and the peas turned to mush. One year, I hosted Thanksgiving, and everything was AMAZING. Then later that weekend, I managed to screw up Zatarain's jambalaya.
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