The College Freshman Adjusts....And So Do I - GIVE THEM FOOD...and other ways to cope with life Blog at - 185661

GIVE THEM FOOD...and other ways to cope with life

Jul. 14, 2010 6:13 pm 
Updated: Jul. 22, 2010 3:57 am
I'm sure many of you have experienced this even earlier in the summer than I have.  Can we take ourselves back to our college/early working years when, free of the walls of high school, we felt our wings for the first time.  Away from home, coming and going when we pleased, knowing that staying out talking and walking and talking and walking was probably not bright, but then, not really caring.  Propping our eyes opened in our 8am class, drinking copious amounts of coffee to get through the day and then doing it all again the next night.....ah the days of complete freedom....that is until you had to return to real life, back home for the summer......back to responsibility, accountability, jobs and ...worst of all curfews!   And so is my plight...a 19 year old freshman who thinks staying out way too late and then driving home  (we are a little bit rural) is somehow suppose to not turn my hair grey.  The negotiations have begun.  I want 12 oclock, kid wants 3 oclock...I say not on your life, kid says Oh, Mom, I've been doing this at college....I say, not in a car, kid says no difference....and on and on we go.  I just don't like anyone on the roads that late unless it just can't be avoided.  So hopefully we can arrive at a time that we both can live with.   I'm sure there is a little bit of my mother heart also dealing with my youngest growing up and away...ya think? Ha!.....we've got a few more summers to go and no doubt, some growing pains on both sides.....Lord, help us through it all!

Maybe I'll make us  some Mac & Cheese and we can both relive our freshman's a really good, tastes almost like Kraft, Mac & Cheese recipe......

Mac & Cheese for One

1 cup cooked elbow macaroni
1 tsp butter
3 Tbsp evaporated milk
1/2 tsp dry mustard
3 Tbsp sharp cheddar, shredded

Cook and drain pasta
return to pot and melt in the butter
toss to coat
add all but the cheese to the pot
stir a few minutes to heat through and then add the cheese
put the lid on to melt the cheese
stir and serve.

**if you are making a larger recipe, you can add an egg to the milk for a creamier sauce.


Jul. 14, 2010 6:40 pm
I say, if its your car, and they still live under your roof..your word is final. With that in mind....3 am doesn't sound so bad, provided the driver abstains from alcohol and they keep up with the curfue.
Jul. 14, 2010 6:45 pm
I raised 5 and survived!! And fought that battle with all but my oldest, he went into the service after his first year of college. When he came home on leave I figured if he was man enough to defend his country he was man enough to decide when to come home. The girls, not so much. I'm a night person myself, but I still don't know what they are doing out at 2 and 3 a.m., especially since they really don't drink. It is a mystery.
Jul. 14, 2010 7:04 pm oldest only came home the summer after his freshman year and he worked so much that he *rarely* went out. He never had a curfew, because he was always home by midnight so he'd be ready for work the next day. He got his own place the summer of his sophomore year and hasn't been home for more than a couple of days since. He and his girlfriend were here for three days this weekend and that was the first time he'd been here since Christmas. We want them to grow up and thrive, but it's harder than I expected to let it happen! ~~**~~ And now, my daughter, our last one, is heading off to college in about a month. We're going to feel pretty darn lonely come fall/winter!
Jul. 14, 2010 9:11 pm
well I have been there and done that and have one more to go. All I can say is, I'm really glad to have the break between kids. It's really hard and I agree a little control battle by both mom and kids. Who will win this power struggle? I was in your shoes last summer and thought I would go nuts. Never mind the fact that the university that my daughter attends happens to be in this city, she had to live on campus that first year so she got that taste of freedom and answering only to herself, well this summer things are drastically different. She has her own apartment with a friend from school and only lives about 10 minutes away so I see her frequently, but the best thing to come of this is she is now completely responsible for everything and has learned how to readjust her priorities and doesn't go out much because she has work in the morning :) Only a couple more months of this mom and she will be back at school. I think this is the hardest year, next year and subsequent years do get easier.
Jul. 15, 2010 12:55 am
BSM, I'm a night person. While I drink, most nights I don't. Trust me, it's not like there's nothing to do late if you aren't drinking. I do at night what I would do during the day (unless of course it requires outdoor light), I just happen to like the night. When I was younger and hanging out with friends late, we were mostly just talking and laughing and losing track of time. I don't think there's a lot of mystery about it.
Jul. 15, 2010 2:00 am
I probably should stay out of this. :-) Despite my age, somehow I can still remember oh so well what it was like to find freedom from my parents, just to have to move back in and have them trying to run my life. I swear it feels like yesterday, even though they've both passed on during the past 8 years. I do suspect midnight is going to seem *very* early to someone that age. It's your car, and your house, so in the end you get to say. But it's a difficult time for him. Does he have a job for the summer? He might just have to learn what it means to have to be responsible. (I unfortunately learned the *really* hard way by losing a job that could've been a great thing to me, possibly leading to other great things.) What about a compromise at 1:30? The one point I can see is that there *is* a difference in a car, even if not drinking... if you're getting tired.
Jul. 15, 2010 7:22 am
Hey, maybe you should count yourselves lucky.. I'll be 23 next month and haven't ever left my parents' house! lol. It didn't really make sense to go away to school when there are two universities in this city, and it made even less sense to spend every dime I had to live 20 minutes away from my parents where I could live for free. If your kids are adults and live away from you most of the year doing what they want, then I don't really see why they shouldn't be able to do more or less what they want if they're home for a short time. I mean things like imposing a curfew or limiting video game time or something. There's no reason to allow them to do things in your house/in your car that make you uncomfortable, like smoking, having girlfriends/boyfriends sleep over, whatever. In terms of driving late at night and related things, here's something my dad did when I started driving - gave the car a curfew. The car had to parked in the driveway at midnight, whether it was a school night, weekend, whatever. If I wanted to return the car home at midnight, and go back out without the car, that was my business, but his car was to be home at 12. That was the rule when I was in high school, mind you, I haven't really had any rules since then. Except the unspoken ones, like they never *said* "no bringing boys home to sleep over" or "no smoking pot in the house" but I'm not about to do any of those, thinking they wouldn't have a problem with it.
Jul. 15, 2010 7:45 am
Thanks for the comments...guess I'm not the only mom who "worries". I have great kids, very trustworthy...I'm sure we'll work this one out, it's just part of life, just not an easy part right?
Jul. 15, 2010 10:39 am
There's nothing darker than a country road after being in the city. Coming from a rural area, I think a good compromise might be home before the bars close. Bad things can happen on dark country roads, and more so after the addition of drunk that only left the bar cuz they had to. I used to stay out late at that age but we had a rule that I would always call out of courtesy and stay where I was if it was too late or we'd been drinking. I sympathize with all you parents.
Jul. 16, 2010 3:10 am
Of course you're not the only mom to worry. You'll still be worrying even when he's your age. :-) I like Alex's idea about the car... I almost suggested something similar. I don't live in a rural area so I didn't think about that. I never had a specific curfew, more like whatever my mom felt like for any individual night. I didn't really do much during the week so that wasn't an issue. On weekends it depended on who I was with and what I was doing. I had one set of friends she tended to trust more and didn't mind me being out late with. I'd give her an approximation of when I'd be home, she'd say if she didn't like it, but most times as long as she knew what I was doing she didn't care. And if I thought it would change, I was to call. And if it was really late, she sometimes preferred I just stayed put for the night. She did trust me (and I was trustable), but she always worried about everyone else. Now, granted, the older I got the more freedom I wanted. But the same general rules still applied: as long as she knew where I was. When I had to move back in at one point, that proved very difficult cause I hadn't just been at college - I'd been living on my own and was definitely an adult.
Jul. 16, 2010 4:08 am
E...that sounds about how my parents did things, but times were different..IDK, I didn't seem to want to stay out really late much..maybe midnight..probably because I had a weekend job that started kids have all been waiters and they don't work until night..Alex's idea is interesting but living in the country...that would just mean trading one car in for another!..where I grew up, in the city, you could just catch a bus. Non of my kids or their close friends drink more than a little beer occasionally, so I'm fortunate there. Thanks for the input! Have a great day.
Jul. 20, 2010 8:46 am
Having a college freshman home for visits makes a clash inevitable... my oldest became independent and now lives on her own with her own job, car and bills, and as Avon mentioned, that brought peace. Today, however, my "baby" gets his driver's license, and so it all begins again...
Jul. 20, 2010 11:32 am
and we thought the baby days were tough!
Jul. 21, 2010 3:34 pm
You are right to want her home earlier. The later it gets, the more dangerous people are out, the more drivers are tired, and the more drunks are on the roads. You don't want to be on the road when all the bars are closing. Maybe you could suggest that her friends come to your house to hang out with her after midnight. You could provide snacks or coffee or something, and they could just sit and talk, if that's what they do late at night. You'd have to be prepared to put up with laughing and other noise, though. It wouldn't solve anything for the other parents, but at least your kid would be safe.
Jul. 22, 2010 3:57 am
Dear Cocojo: cheepchick explained that I could cut and paste my website recipe on my blog. Happy to share with all. See my blog of 7/22
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Loving life at 50ish. Kids are gone and I'm focusing on my career! I enjoyed running a chocolate truffle business for 3 years and now teach adults and children about chocolate. I also teach hands on cooking classes at a local cooking school and am writing my first cookbook! Please visit me at my blog
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