Since we all manage to give and receive advice for food, menus, baking tips, etc. for the big Christmas season, I decided to give some Redneck advice for the big Christmas
RNGrampa and I have hosted a few and attended many, here is my collection of advice to all….
….do not ever speak to the boss after 4 drinks
…do not decide to photocopy your butt to pass out as Christmas cards-some say this might come back to bite you in the butt
…do not sit on Santa’s knee-you know under that beard is the biggest office perv
…do not buy the boss’s wife a little sumpin, sumpin . Cute elf clothes are meant for elfish behaviour. Also do not wear cute elf clothes under your dress. No matter how hard
you try to behave, you will feel compelled to show it off later in the evening. Refer back to the 4 drink rule.
…do not pick this time to ask your boss for a raise. If he/she has avoided you all year, there is a reason.
Besides your boss just handed out tonnes of money for the party, the last thing they want to do is part with more money for your sole benefit
…do not choose now to try and pick up the little red head from accounting. Making a date over Christmas holidays appears desperate or shows you do not get along with your
…do not share pictures of your children opening their presents from last Christmas-this is a good way to lose the few friends who tolerate you at work now.
…do not decide that now is
a good time to tell the office jerk just how you feel about him. He will still be a jerk in the new year. Let it go, sporting a black eye or a fat lip is not stylish over the holidays
…do not try to go Christmas shopping for your wife after the party. No matter how sneaky you try to be when buying her that cute tight sweater that the 20 year old was wearing
at the party, she will not look the same when wearing it, and trust me, she noticed the cute 20 year old in her sweater too.
…do not use this occasion to find out if you are allergic to seafood or nuts
…do not raise your hand when the boss asks “who is having a good time” it will be followed with, “all who have their hands raised are now on the clean up committee”
…do not play drinking games such as caps or spin the bottle. Leave that to the mail room employees, they have more practice
…do not bring a paid date. Your boss will think you are over paid and/or have too much free time on your hands which will lead to a pay cut and longer hours
..do not .choose this time to release your big idea or brilliant invention. All other employees are looking for a promotion as well, they will steal your idea, and leave
you in the coat room with only your cute little elf costume.
...do not wear a tuxedo to the party, you will be mistaken for the caterer all night and people will hand you their empty glasses.
...do not hang around the punch bowl, once again you will appear desperate or that you have drank too much and cannot move
...do not try to organize the singing of Christmas carols. Steak, Roast, Ribs and Sausage were not names for Santa's reindeer, Frosty the Snowman is not a cute nickname
for your frigid wife, chestnuts roasting by an open fire does not cause third degree burns and Santa says ho ho ho , with no w's
...do not offer to give people a ride home, you will have 24 people in the back of your pick up truck and giving them a fishing rod will not prevent the police from giving
you a ticket for ice fishing. Besides the bumper skiier will fall off and you will need to circle back to pick him up-wastes time and fuel.
...do not bring a ziploc bag to take home left overs or prepare a platter of appetizers for your own Christmas function. It not only looks tacky but stilltasty.com would
not agree with your storage methods or the amount of time the food sits in your suit pocket
...do not hang tinsel or Christmas lights around the bottom of the 20 year olds skirt; start a snowball fight; nor make a snow angel in the litter on the floor. Trying to
roll fake snow into a snow man does not work no matter how much duct tape you use.
...most importantly, DO NOT forget to slur "thank you, this was a preat garty" as you leave. No one appreciates being unappreciated. If your boss answers 'Wour Yelcome" all
Hope you all have a great Christmas and Happy New Year. Feel free to add any other Do's or Don'ts to the list. I look forward to reading them.