Rsvping-Do You Or Don'T You? - The Sensibly Organic Cook Blog at Allrecipes.com - 211853

The Sensibly Organic Cook

RSVPing-Do you or don't you? 
 
Dec. 16, 2010 3:30 pm 
Updated: Dec. 24, 2010 1:32 pm
This topic, RSVP’ing, came up over morning coffee before the start of the holiday season.  It started innocently enough.  Just a couple of ladies discussing the upcoming holidays, food preparations and guests.  From Thanksgiving on there are family get togethers, office parties, club and organization gatherings with food generally being served in some form-appetizers or cookie exchanges to formal sit down dinners.  Oh, and don’t forget New Year’s!  Another time filled with parties and food.  What started out as a simple query of “how many people do you have coming” led us to the topic of RSVP's.  Here is the response that led to more same themed conversations with several others over various types of drinks.  The first response being- “dunno, haven’t gotten the RSVP’s yet”. “Really? So how many are you figuring on feeding?” “Well, my husband thinks I’m nuts but I sent 10 invites, got 2 RSVP’s but I’m cooking for 10 anyway.”  That’s how it started and I thought others might like seeing the results.  You know never know when you might pass on valuable information.
I woke up in the middle of the night not long after the first conversation and thought, “What does RSVP stand for?  Oh come on!  Surely, I can remember.” I was sure I knew what it stood for but my recall isn’t what it used to be. There was a scary moment where I thought I might have to start doing Swiss Phil’s sudoka puzzles to improve the old memory.  Yikes!  Tried those once, not a fan!  Thank goodness for Google!  As luck would have it, the morning was rushed so there was no Google time.  There was time for a browse through my trusty duct taped Webster though for a definition.  And there it was the answer to my question-repondez s’il vous plait.  No wonder I couldn’t remember what the letters stood for. It’s been a long time since French class.  Webster’s translation- please reply. How simple is that?  You send out invites put RSVP on them and you’ll know exactly how many are coming, how much food to serve and seating to arrange. Maybe in a perfect world that happens but not in mine!  Which made me wonder how other people coped with RSVP’s.

So I asked a wide variety of people and the response to my question of “Do other’s respond to your RSVP’s and do you respond to RSVP’s you receive” ranged from unabashed “heck no but then I call at the last minute and see if I can still come” to much head shaking with deep sighing followed by strong language.  I even asked do you know what RSVP stands for and what it means?  Here are some of those replies, “It’s French isn’t?” “um, tell the host if you are coming at least 2 days ahead” “call everyone you invited and ask if they are coming and even then you won’t have a clue”.  I also asked who is worst for RSVPing-friends or family. Evidently both groups are equal in numbers for non responding.

Then a friend asked during an evening conversation over adult beverages,  “Well, what about you?  Do you ask for RSVP’s so you know how many are coming?”  My reply, “Oh sure but years ago I worked out a mathematical equation to help me determine how many would show up. It’s only failed twice.  Once when I didn’t know there was a fishing & bowling tournament the same day as my BBQ/birthday event.  The other time the food got dangerously close to running out because I didn’t realize my brother hadn’t been feeding his houseguests.”  The last comment raised eyebrows so Ifelt the need to explain about the BBQ I had for my Mom’s birthday once.  My brother asked if he could bring his houseguests also.  “Sure. How many? Maybe 1 or 2.  OK” BBQ’s seem easier to cope with these unexpected number changes for some reason.  You don’t have to be so clever trying to camouflage lawn chairs for extra last minute seating.  Plus, I’d intended to serve brisket which usually can accommodate quite a few but I had chicken quarters I‘d picked up on sale in the freezer.  My BBQ Dude grills them very nicely so if I have leftovers no biggie. Also, I’ve found kids seem to prefer them to beef.  So anyway that particular time I had 3 packages of quarters to grill.  Hey, summer was just starting and back then my “Whatever” teen was happy to eat chicken salad sandwiches so leftovers were welcomed.   I ended up with no leftovers of anything that time since my brother had not 1 or 2 but 4 evidently very hungry houseguests.  When it came time to put away the food there was nothing to do except wash dishes.  Voicing my surprise at the lack of leftovers, I was informed that my brother’s extra guests were responsible for the absence having consumed everything.   I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised after all these poor people had been eating at the home of the woman that caused me to learn how to make pumpkin pies.  I kid you not, after one particular Thanksgiving meal where she brought the “pumpkin” dessert, my husband sat in the car with his hands clenched to the steering wheel.  He refused to even turn the car on until he uttered this sentence,  “I don’t care if you don’t like pumpkin pie. I don’t care if you have never made it.  You have a whole year to learn how because I refuse to come to another Thanksgiving dinner and eat that nasty excuse of a pie!!”  I believe I mentioned in another blog his favorite pie is pumpkin.

So back to my equation. It’s:
RR + (KNR x 2) + (NSRBO x 3)= X
X + LMR = PG
PG / 2= TGA

RR=Received Responses LMR=Last Minute Responses
KNR=Known None Responders PG=Probable Guests
NSRBO=Non or Sometime Responding Relatives Bringing Others
TGA= Total Guests Attending
/=divided by
X=resulting amount of the first equation with lots of letters

For some reason my dear friend doubted my sincerity about the use of this equation or even that it worked.  Eyebrows drawn into a frown she tallied the number of possible consumed beverages so I felt an even further explanation was needed. Granted even with my formula there are no guarantees.  Fans of Isaac Asimov’s Foundation series will agree here that no matter how excellent your math projections might be computations can only carry you so far.  It certainly helps to have certain facts in your possession such as divorces, separations, work related issues, illnesses or if anyone is just having a bad day.

To defend my position that I actually had put some thought into this math I used 1 particular family(his side) as an example:

Invite with an RSVP to 1 matriarch(M) w/3(also invited with RSVP) grown children & 4 grandchildren = 4 invites that equals the possibility of 1,3,5,6,7,9 or 10 people coming. How do I figure the numbers? You’ve got 1 M, 1 child w/SO(significant other), 1 child & SO w/2 children, 1 child definite divorce no SO with the possibility of job interference w/2 children-this one is tricky to figure as the number could be 0,2 or 3. Either go for the median # which is 6 and perhaps have leftovers or use my equation and still perhaps have leftovers.
1 RR(the M) + (4 x 3) = x
x=13
13/2= 6.5
Worried about leftovers?  Also invite busy hardworking friends who have no time to cook that are trained to bring their own containers.  Concerned about not enough food.  Always have expandable sides on hand that can either be opened & served, made in 20 minutes or less or that can be added to at the last minute - chips and dip of various kinds, jalapeno cream cheese corn (10 min), savory green beans(15 min), baked beans (who’s going to know if you add a can of beans?)

And there you have it.  My version of how to cope with those RSVP’s.
I’ve also added some pictures of some holiday foods I’ve made this year and with that I wish you all a

MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Maybe Mike Harvey's Pumpkin pickles
X
Photo Detail
My pumpkin cheesecake w/M.Ann's cranberry sauce
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Photo Detail
Aunt Irene's Best Brittle
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Photo Detail
 
Comments
Dec. 16, 2010 4:13 pm
Don't even get me started on RSVPs 2 months after my wedding! People are HORRIBLE!!!!!!!Thank goodness I knew how MY friends and family would respond or better phrased... NOT respond and just had extra food for the extra people who do not know how to RSVP! I don't do math equations and will just have to take your word for it! Fun Blog!
 
Dec. 16, 2010 4:13 pm
Nice blog! I like the way you figure that out - though I must say I'm not a math whiz, so I just figure everyone's coming and have lots left over! LOL. I always RSVP and can't understand why others don't do the same. Thanks for using a picture that contains my cranberry sauce! I am making this sauce for Christmas and wish I could make the pumpkin cheesecake, but my husband has requested just a plain old cheesecake and my daughter wants a chocolate one, so 2 are plenty. Oh well... someday... Merry Christmas to you!!
 
Dec. 16, 2010 4:36 pm
Haha! Nice mathematic solution there Cat!! I just plan for the people I ask and stash the leftovers. My friends are KNR, LOL!!! ♥
 
Dec. 16, 2010 5:16 pm
We always return RSVPs promptly. Too often, we get a phone call a few days before the event and hear, "Are you coming?". Evidenntly, the hosts don't realize the RSVP means something besides being an envelope stuffer.
 
Dec. 16, 2010 5:31 pm
Nice job, Cat! LOL, the formula is too cool! You heard my recent rant on catering for a planned 20 and almost twice as many turned up! What's up with people???
 
Dec. 16, 2010 6:39 pm
Good blog Cat. Ahhhh - when I cater I usually assume more is better than not enough. For our Family Thanksgings - everyone comes and my daughter usually brings a couple of extra hungry teens. There is one flaw in your formula - I assume that a teenage boy 13 - 19 can consume the same amount of food as two adult men, plus some. Thanksgiving I had no left over green beans or potatoes - no rolls. Those teens are food vacuums!
 
Dec. 16, 2010 6:40 pm
Oh - yes - I do RSVP - always!
 
Dec. 16, 2010 7:08 pm
I loved reading your blog. This is a subject that could be discussed for days. I really believe the reason people don't RSVP is that we don't teach manners/ettiquitte anymore and most people don't know what RSVP means. It's a courtesy to let the host know if you'll attend their event or not. Since we don't regard courtesy too much these days, it's not high on the radar. BTW, I always RSVP and when it's my event, I call every person I've invited to ask if they'll be attending. I'm not too good with math.
 
Dec. 16, 2010 7:08 pm
Oh Shanon, weddings never came up in the RSVP? we were just discussing the holidays. Weddings deserve their own RSVP category :)
 
Dec. 16, 2010 7:11 pm
Mother Ann, I'm still describing that sauce to others! It's sooo good! That cheesecake was my second one ever, must have done something right since the guys were fighting over the last piece. I'm not a math whiz either but it does really work!
 
Dec. 16, 2010 7:12 pm
LS, thanks for stopping in. Glad you liked the blog. With my guys, though, leftovers aren't always a good thing. They seem to think they live at a cafe LOL
 
Dec. 16, 2010 7:17 pm
Mr. Harvey, do my pickles look right? I said "maybe" since I've never made them. Neighbor Terrie loved them. It was her Mom that said she called family to make sure they were coming. I'm with you, if asked to, I RSVP with the # in my attending party also.
 
Dec. 16, 2010 7:22 pm
Good EatNZ, I was thinking about "RSVP" & you when reading about your trickling in guests and wondering how you remained calm while serving. I've only had to deal with family not paying customers. My hat is off to you girl!
 
Dec. 16, 2010 7:26 pm
Baking Nana, my formula has only failed those two times I mentioned. One of my brother's starving houseguests was a 15 yr old boy, the other was just turning 20. I swear there was nothing left but bare bones from the chicken! I'm with you, I do RSVP too.
 
Dec. 16, 2010 7:36 pm
Candice, LOL. I'm not so hot with math either but desperation makes you go that extra yard. 15 years ago I got 2 RSVP's to 15 invites & 25 people showed with 10 sides of BBQ potato chips. The same people were invited back for the same event several years running. I have to say I owe them the credit for the formula.
 
Dec. 16, 2010 9:42 pm
Way to go Cat. Great blog and great topic. I agree with the consensus that not a lot of people are taught manners and courteous responses anymore. In this day and age of the internet and instant messaging, you would think it would be easier, but I think that the old fashioned social graces have gone by the wayside. Love the way you write.
 
Dec. 16, 2010 10:14 pm
Nice topic Cat! I can see how adult beverages can influent the conversation. LOL. I hate algebra, but I get the theory behind the formula. I don't host many get-togethers, but when I do, I plan for the entire amount invited, just in case, and allow for really hungry people. Better to have too much than not enough. My dear MIL couldn't fix enough food for 4-6 people, let alone a large gathering. When the DH & I were dating she invited my folks over for dinner and some dishes ran out while others barely made it around the table. With twinkling eyes and wiggling eyebrows, my Dad communicated his thoughts pretty plainly to me when no one was looking. If I couldn't read his facial expressions, I sure got it when he rammed his knee into mine under the table. The finale to the evening was when no one was looking, my Dad blew dry cake crumbs out of the side of his mouth. It had to have been the driest cake ever. Aahh... memories.
 
Dec. 17, 2010 6:57 am
Lovely:)
 
Dec. 17, 2010 9:36 am
Yes, Cat! The pickles look great! When I first made them, the color confused me too. I didn't understand how the light ingredients could darken the pumpkin. I've resigned myself to believing those tiny little cloves are a potent coloring agent. Also, the longer the pickles cook, the darker they get. Yours look typical for the recipe.
 
Dec. 17, 2010 9:43 am
Thank you, Avon, for the nice compliment. I agree with both your statements. I've tried to instill some social graces into my child. Kicking and screaming he learned the art of writing thank you's for gifts he received. He knows what RSVP means too! LOL
 
Dec. 17, 2010 9:48 am
MB-LOLOLOLOL! Coming from a family that's terrified someone might go away hungry from the table we do fix extra or have something on hand. As you saw I've learned it's handy to have hard working friends to pawn leftovers off on too! :)
 
Dec. 17, 2010 9:50 am
mauigirl, thanks for stopping in! Hope you have a lovely holiday season!
 
Dec. 17, 2010 9:52 am
Thank you, Mike! This is such a great site for finding recipes like yours and Mother Ann's.
 
K-Dub 
Dec. 17, 2010 10:27 am
When I send out invites I expect people to RSVP that want to come, especially if its on the invite. Well after throwing a baby shower in November I realized my expectations were too high. Not only did I invite 30 people and only had 5 people RSVP I found out later they were all calling the mom that I was giving the party for to tell them they were coming. What the heck is the point of me puttint RVSP on the darn invite then?!?! Whew! Having said that I like your equations and I think they would be very useful, Thank you so much for the tips. And letting me rant! I always make sure to be prepared but it still irks me when someone shows up without ever responding! HA! Loved your blog. :)
 
Dec. 17, 2010 10:41 am
K-Dub, you are very welcome and thank you! Did you read the response I gave to Candace? I wasn't kidding about the 15 invites, 2 RSVP's and 25 showing up. Valuable lesson there for me! I don't understand when people are asked to RSVP to the hostess and they don't. In my case, I have to borrow chairs for extra seating. That's a worry more than having enough food. I'd hate for anyone to have to seat on the floor to eat :)
 
Dec. 19, 2010 3:49 am
CH: I always RSVP. Most of the time, the host/hostess seems shocked that I am calling. So I would gather that the social rules of an RSVP are not often followed. Love your formula! Glad to hear it works for you.
 
Dec. 19, 2010 4:44 am
Thanks for addressing one of my bugbears. (Sorry about the Sudoku!) I now tell anyone that turns up without responding, that I will cater for them as soon as I have dealt with those courteous enough to reply when asked. And I son't make any allowances for people being late (unless they have contacted me to warn me). If they turn up late, then they miss out on the already served course(s). The first 2 times I got "prussian", there were some shocked people, but nowadays the messgae has got out and I just don't have a problem nowadays - in the above areas. It's when they don't turn up after accepting that I have yet to solve.
 
Dec. 19, 2010 6:26 am
bikerfamily- I RSVP too. Glad you liked my formula(it does work :) and thanks for stopping by!
 
Dec. 19, 2010 6:31 am
Swiss Phil, you're welcome! This topic came up before the holidays and took a life of it's own on when I asked people what they thought so I had to share. I'm a pansy not a "prussian" so several times for several hours I have "manned" the kitchen serving early to late arrivals. I thought you'd enjoy the formula :) Shows I can play with numbers just not puzzle them! LOL
 
Dec. 19, 2010 9:50 am
I always RSVP, but I've noticed a lot of people don't and a lot of people are actually surprised when you do RSVP--even though the invite says to RSVP and there's a number. When we lived in Japan, no one RSVP'd unless they wanted to bring extra people with them. I always cook for the number of people invited plus a few extras. I almost always have a little extra food after an event but I send most of it home with my guests.
 
Dec. 19, 2010 1:47 pm
Respondez, s'il vous plait! I knew 8 years of French would come in handy! This is one of my pet peeves. When I get an invitation, I look at my calendar, see if I'm free, and then let the host know! If I need to check with a date, I do that right away as well! We just had an event at our office. I invited 150 people; 81 RSVP'ed. I ordered tables and chairs for 100; there were 136 people in attendance. AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!! Would have loved to tell the non-responders to leave, but they were our board members, spouses who had decided to come along, etc. etc.
 
Dec. 19, 2010 1:50 pm
TREEMOM, thanks for stopping by.
 
Dec. 19, 2010 1:56 pm
louvrelover, I didn't have that much French but was surprised that it was French and it was simply "please reply". So where did the extra 36 sit?
 
NMJ 
Dec. 19, 2010 2:32 pm
I try to RSVP conscientiously - and admit that I err on the side of saying I will attend, and sometimes am a no show. (Not sure which abbreviation that is in the formula - ABNS - AttendButNoShow?) I LOL'ed several times reading this - I so enjoyed it, thanks! Please keep writing.
 
Dec. 19, 2010 2:45 pm
I wish I had known someone had a formula before my daughter's wedding. We put stamped, self addressed envelopes and cards that said yes/no and still didn't replies from more than half. Frantic phone calls gave us the idea of how many to expect. Imagine my surprise when the caterer told me we had 22 more people than we had actually invited! I had noticed some scrambling for chairs, but it was a buffet so it wasn't too apparent. I always RSVP, even if it isn't indicated and always call and ask if the hostess would mind (or be inconvenienced) if an unexpected extra person came with me. While I did teach my children to have manners, my sons SO seems oblivious and my daughters have been known to slack off. Like Phil, if someone hasn't responded and shows or is late without calling, I figure that my feelings aren't too important to them and I don't frazzle myself over them. Great topic!! I hope all your holiday entertaining is angst free. Merry Christmas!
 
Dec. 19, 2010 3:21 pm
I always RSVP, I'll even tell my host if I have another engagement and how late I might be because of that. The only problem I've run into is whether or not I'll have a +1 at the time of the party because I'm single and if I RSVP "just me" a month ahead I may have a date by then. Or may have dumped the person I was seeing when I RSVP'd for the 2 of us.
 
Dec. 19, 2010 3:53 pm
Love your mathematical equation. I am usually a quick RSVP. Though I know I kinda let your midwest invite hang in the air too long *blushing*
 
cyans 
Dec. 19, 2010 4:48 pm
I love this post!! So much thought into RSVPs,lol! I'm happy that we don't have to worry about RSVP. The family is close knit, and you know which events you *have* to attend and other ones that you can get by. They make enough for the whole family regardless, leaving enough left overs for the next day if there's too little people. :)
 
Dec. 19, 2010 8:39 pm
UGH! I hear ya girl! Is it really too much trouble to drop a line, send an email SOMETHING to let your host know if you are attending or not? So hard to plan... I always end up cooking for the total invited anyway it seems as I am too nervous to not have enough food on hand. My favorite remarks at the end of the party are always from "certain" guests who say - "MY, what are you gonna do with all those leftovers"? Hmmm, looking for a doggie bag ya think? No way honey! :D Leftovers are a staple around here! LOL Great blog Cat although the math gave me a headache! hahahah
 
grace4zoe 
Dec. 19, 2010 9:53 pm
Has casual Friday spilled over into our society so far that no one seems to know about/care about etiquitte any longer? I recently hostessed a baby shower for a young girl (daughter of a friend) that gave me a list of nearly 30 to invite...NOT ONE responded. Following my 'casual Friday' theory, I prepared for 20...and still had leftovers! Etiquitte is just the 'traffic signal/regulation' that tries to keep 'social traffic' flowing smoothly. I am not advocating a return to the Victorian era, but certalinly the pendulum has swung too far the other direction. We need respect, manners, modesty, courtesy taught and EXPECTED again in homes AND schools. Tolerance doesn't mean we've had our brains pumped out!!
 
Grams 
Dec. 20, 2010 12:13 am
I admit it, I have been known to NOT RSVP :( Don't get me wrong, MOST of the time I do, but I confess, have missed a time or two. Partly because of the reason stated above of BEing single and if the invite is too far in advance, not sure of whether there will BE one or two of "me". Not a good excuse and I promise to do BEtter!! I don't entertain much, (although really want to in the future), so I will BE saving this formula to help. As far as food quantity, I ALWAYS go overboard there. Just like for Thanksgiving where there were only 5 of us, (at my daughter's house) and I probably cooked enough food for 20!! Passed that on to my daughter as well because her contributions were just as large of portions!!! I don't fall into the category of not knowing or caring about etiquette, but I do feel like I can improve so thank you for the reminder!!! Happy Holidays to all!! BakE Well my friends!!!
 
Dec. 20, 2010 6:20 am
NMJ, love the kitty! Glad you liked the blog! I'm glad you laughed. That was my intent give readers a few minutes of lightheartedness during a busy holiday season :)
 
Dec. 20, 2010 6:27 am
BigShotsMom, like I told Shanon, weddings fall in a catagory by themselves. WOW 20 extra people now that's rude IMO but then again sending 15 invites w/RSVP's receiving 5 replies and having 25 show up was rather intimidating (this was way back when) but it did lead to the formula :) Thanks for stopping in!
 
Dec. 20, 2010 6:35 am
mauigirl, now I knew you didn't know if you COULD come from the very first. Getting here wasn't like hoping in the car and taking a hour drive over LOL! I'm still hoping you'll make it here some day & vice versa :)
 
Dec. 20, 2010 6:38 am
OCEANVIXEN79, thanks for stopping in! I always assume if I've invited a single person they may bring someone. If they show up alone then I'm now in the habit of stockpiling "to go" containers so they can take home left overs :)
 
Dec. 20, 2010 6:44 am
cyans,now you know what I do when I can't sleep LOL! I'm afraid our families aren't close knit. Mine I don;'t have to worry about anymore and DH's, well they are the reason for the formula. Thanks for dropping in!
 
Dec. 20, 2010 6:49 am
WFDM? seriously! I can't believe someone would ask about the leftovers at your FULL house. Maybe we should adopt Phil's attitude about the food :) Hope you all are feeling better!!
 
Dec. 20, 2010 6:55 am
grace4zoe, Wow not one person replied! I like that "etiquette is the traffic signal.." Thanks for posting!
 
Dec. 20, 2010 7:03 am
Grumpy47, the formula is not foolproof but it helps LOL! At my house the leftovers aren't well received and I hate consigning them to the frozen wasteland to get lost so I really try to keep them to a minimum. Thanks for stopping in!
 
Dec. 20, 2010 8:23 am
My husband and I invited 4 couples to our house for a formal dinner party. All but three RSVP'd on their own. The fourth didn't. I called and left a message twice and asked... "are you coming? I need to know because of food measures, etc." They never returned the call, so I assumed they weren't. Well, low and behold guess who showed up at my door? LOL I had 8 pieces of salmon (stuffed with crab, shrimp & brie) and unfortunately, I had no more portions... I explained that they didn't RSVP, so I didn't plan for them. They were invited in to sit at the table if they wanted and they did. So... I offered to make them a sandwich.. like, I was totally unprepared. They declined.. and as they sat at the table looking stupid, the woman had the nerve to ask for a bite of another guests salmon. She told her no and she told her she was rude for asking, not to mention rude for not RSVP'ing. LOL
 
linc 
Dec. 20, 2010 8:26 am
Great topic and sore subject! I've even tried replacing RSVP with "please let us know by....whether you will be able to come." Still, about 50% of invitees feel no need to respond. And "thank yous" after the event -- almost non-existent these days. I agree with others, in that both RSVPs and thank yous should be easier than ever. It boils down to lack of basic manners and the self-centeredness that abounds these days. I was so disgusted with certain family this year over our upcoming "annual" Xmas eve dinner party that I've decided not to host it again. Sad. And grouch that I'm feeling right now, I may even explain why.
 
moaa 
Dec. 20, 2010 8:40 am
Great blog! RSVPing can be very stressful to some especially my husbands side. I just hate the ones that don't know how to be a host/hostess and have someone else to do the inviting for them. So the pressure is on for that person taking the favor for the host/hostess......doesn't make sense. For my side, its our siblings we like to hear from. For the others, respond as you please. Call us crazy but It's always a tradition to have a buffet style so guests may take home leftovers. My brother usually invites his own guest as if it's his party lol. For weddings and bigger events that needs a total head count is a totally different story.....very very stressful to handle!
 
Dec. 20, 2010 10:37 am
Ah, the complexities... with an intense, well planned event such as a wedding, or a childs birthday party where favors are purchased for each child to take home, an RSVP is darn nearly mandatory. You shouldn't have to get on the phone and ask for an answer. But you do. CYA must come into play...must for these events! As for a backyard get-together, the usual 4th of July family event, etc.., I do the 20% thing once shown on somebody's TV show (may have been Oprah) and I don't watch enough TV to remember; nevertheless, the 20% rule is simply this... if you invite 50 people, 20% are likely to show up, possibly less. Therefore, according to the "experts" and they were professional caterers, etc., you plan on that 20%. Of course there may be back up but on the more casual events where a lot of ill-mannered folk decide "well, I just might go over to Sally Ann's this afternoon. She and Billy Bob are having a cookout". They won't find the food supply they had hoped to see! How to fix it? You plan on the 20%, period. If you run out of food you won't have to worry about leftovers or boxing up stuff to send home with others. Food is gone, you're done! You are not the local deli with a well-stocked larder fit for the multitudes that may or may not show. Anyone showing up without attempting to let you know they are responding to a requested RSVP, doesn't deserve your time, your energy, your food, or the funds it took to purchase it! We literally, hurt only ourselves because those that do not answer an RSVP, could not care less and they are showing no respect for the persons who are hosting the event! Ok, I feel better now! ;)
 
Dec. 20, 2010 12:14 pm
Ah linc, I know what you mean. I've hosted some things and just a simple "thank you" would have been nice. Hosting a bigger event(like the DH's birthday party) it would just be nice to know who is coming and when. Thanks for stopping in!
 
Dec. 20, 2010 12:20 pm
moaa, indeed! Those big catered events would probably make me implode. Did you read GoodEatNZ blog when they catered an event and didn't know how many where coming?! She did a great job though! You know I never thought of RSVPing as stressful but you are probably right it might be! LOL Glad you stopped by and posted!
 
Dec. 20, 2010 12:24 pm
SouthernGma, I know you don't feel all that great right now anyway(hospital's aren't my favorite place to be even if I'm just visiting) but did you at least get a laugh from the blog? Ok a chuckle? Trust me if you invite me over you will know if I'm coming. Get well soon!
 
Dec. 20, 2010 12:25 pm
BellesAZ,thanks for stopping in.
 
Ashley 
Dec. 20, 2010 12:48 pm
Ahhh the dreaded RSVPs.... I love them and ALWAYS promptly respond, but no one EVER RSVPs in my family. For my SIL's baby AND bridal shower, NO ONE responded, and everyone showed. For my shower nearly no one responded and again, mostly everyone showed. For my WEDDING however, my side RSVP'd and his side did not (The "proper, good manored city people" yeahhh). People would call me or his mother, and that is so freakin nice considering I stamped and addressed each response envelope myself. They would call and say "Do I still need to send the card or is the call good enough?" I would say YES, I did not waste my own money putting stamps on your envelope so your lazy can call instead of walking to the mail box. On top of all the RSVP issues (only invited like 85 people) we gave a final number of like 68, and when our dinner was served the ladies doing our cooking said we had 6 or 8 pork tenderloins left because only 52 stayed for dinner! I cannot believe how rude people were, send back the card and if you say you're going to stay for dinner, STAY FOR DINNER CAUSE WE ALREADY PAID FOR IT! My cousin's fiance, who have been together about 5 years, did not RSVP for any of our family's showers and never came to any. She actually did finally RSVP last minute to our wedding after the cut off date then did not bring a card or anything. I understand some people cannot afford nice gifts but she has a really good job and they just bought a house twice the size of mine, and they could not even get a card? I don't care if you can't buy me a gift but come on, you can at least get a card. On top of all that they just got engaged this summer before our wedding. It just kills me that this chic thinks she can blow off everyone's RSVP requests and bridal showers and now she is having her own 400+ guest wedding so hope she has a lot of fun planning that and paying for it when no one RSVPs. I would just think having your own wedding coming up that you'd be mindful of things like that, like the old "treat people like you want to be treated"... so I will not be RSVPing for any of her events or bringing any gifts. No one can hold a grudge better than the women in my large family, so obviously she is going to get the hint quickly.
 
Ashley 
Dec. 20, 2010 12:51 pm
Ah forgot the thank yous... so everyone is aware, we had wrote all thank you notes that were mailed within 3 days of the wedding. My cousin-in-law just commented the other day how her dad was gushing over our thank you note and how it was so nice, and it "never happens anymore" to get a hand written, thoughtful thank you note after a wedding or other event. I am proud of my etiquette but truly agree that there are no manners anymore!
 
Ashley 
Dec. 20, 2010 12:56 pm
hand wrote, not had wrote :)
 
Dee 
Dec. 20, 2010 1:19 pm
We invited people over for a get together - just because - everyone said they were coming. I slaved over the stove making a nice assortment of food and NO ONE showed or called. NEVER AGAIN.
 
Dec. 20, 2010 1:20 pm
Ashley, did you catch Shanon's wedding blog? She got married 10/10/10. I think she could commiserate & BSM. If I have a # I will respond, a self addressed envelope even better. I've even been known to call if something has come up namely illness preventing us from coming to an event we RSVP'd to. Some things just can't be helped like the stomach flu and no one wants to share that one! I wasn't raised to send handwritten "thank you's" but after I grew up I always thought it was the nice thing to do. You know, just to let the person know you appreciated their time and that you actually knew what they sent! I'd say you were on top of things and your "thank you's" were appreciated! Thanks for stopping in!
 
Dec. 20, 2010 1:22 pm
No one in my family sends them - and neither have I. But I also only go to gatherings with 10 max (and we always know those show, its just how it is around here.) I've wondered if others sent them regularly, though, and if they are worth it (you can tell weddings are not big around here lol.) I loved your formula though - I learned quite a few things reading (including what it meant - never took French in school!)
 
Dec. 20, 2010 1:33 pm
Dee, BTDT(been there done that) refer to the fishing/bowling tournament part of the blog. I've learned over the years (hence the formula) you can do the inviting, you can do the cooking but you can't make them come. Just invite people that you know will come and appreciate your efforts! I would if you invited me. I'd even help with the kitchen cleanup!:)
 
Dec. 20, 2010 1:45 pm
Faith N, I'm glad you stopped in. I never knew what RSVP's were growing up. You were invited, you went. End of story. I only remember 2 big "fancy" weddings when I was younger and both were responded to. Again thanks for stopping by!
 
Dec. 20, 2010 2:51 pm
I always RSVP when invited to a social event. I can identify with the use of a "formula" when planning an event. Years ago, I had to make lunch reservations for my boss. I soon learned that he had a habit of inviting others at the last minute. Once I realized this, I made all reservations for the amount of people he gave me, plus two. It worked like a charm.
 
Dec. 20, 2010 2:53 pm
Always remember to RSVP. It is the classy thing to do :)
 
Dec. 20, 2010 3:44 pm
I always,ALWAYS RSVP. I always call in the day I get the invite so i dont forget
 
Dec. 20, 2010 5:41 pm
TUTUCREW, thank you! Now I know I'm not the only one who has resorted to formulas to figure out how many to plan for! LOL! Thanks for sharing.
 
Dec. 20, 2010 5:44 pm
sassycincy, I think you are on to something! Instead of just being thoughtful you are being classy by RSVPing. Thanks for commenting!
 
Dec. 20, 2010 5:50 pm
Piggyluver~!, that's a good idea don't procrastinate with RSVP's. Thanks for dropping in!
 
Dec. 21, 2010 5:35 am
Cat, Oh, I loved the blog, as I always do. I just get so bent out of shape when someone, out of the goodness that is in their heart, extends an invitation for an event, regardless of what it may be, and the invitee does not reciprocate in kindness by responding! It's one of my biggest pet peeves. Your blogs are pretty spectacular and some of the best reads I've found. A chuckle? I'm still LOLing!!!
 
Dec. 21, 2010 6:14 am
I always RSVP. Usually wedding invitations are the only thing around here that ask for a reply. The popular 'regrets only' is easier. You just assume they are coming unless they let you know they are not. When hosting gatherings I always follow that 20% rule. The number of people that will show = invitees - 20%. Worked for me all these years.
 
ellen.shorty 
Dec. 21, 2010 8:09 am
This is a whole other topic, but it irritates me when people put "RSVP ###-###-#### Regrets Only" and then end up calling when you don't call them to let them know you are coming. "Regrets Only" means you regret to say you aren't coming! One time I had to call a friend who hadn't responded to see if she was coming to a party of mine and she said no and explained to me she thought it was "Regrets Only" and I thought, what do you think that means?!?!?! Another time, I called to see if some of my family were coming to my graduation party my mom and dad were giving me and they said yes but DIDN'T SHOW!!!! That was 6 people we ordered sandwiches for and they didn't even bother to let us know they weren't coming. Oh well, what are you going to do?!
 
ellen.shorty 
Dec. 21, 2010 8:10 am
OH! I *always* RSVP, sorry.
 
Dec. 21, 2010 9:35 am
This blog is too funny because I was just at my best friends mother's cookie exchange and after every1 left she was upset because she had baked so many pumkin loaves to give as gifts 2 the ppl that had rsvpd and none of them showed expect me. There were some ppl that showed up that had not rsvpd so she was able 2 unload some of her baked goods, but I can underestand her frustration. I always rsvp because I like 2 prepare for my parties so I try 2 do my part and give the host the same respect I crave!
 
Dec. 21, 2010 10:19 am
SouthernGma, did you recognize one of the sentence's in the blog as a quote from you? I'm glad I made you laugh! Wait till I tell you the story about the lady who broke into my house the other day!
 
Dec. 21, 2010 10:29 am
sassyoldlady, I don't think I've run across "regrets only" but that does make sense. I tried your rule of thumb -20% on my example and that would give me 8. With the track record of that side of DH's family-6.5 is still closer to those that would show. But now if anyone asks at least I can give them 2 formulas to try. Thanks for stopping in with it!
 
Dec. 21, 2010 10:37 am
ellen.shorty, you brought up a point I've been pondering since doing this blog-how many people don't know the proper response to give. Do you spell it out to them like you have to with teenagers then? Or do you just invite only people you know would want to come and that will respond? Glad you stopped by!
 
BevF 
Dec. 21, 2010 10:48 am
Great Post - I like my fingers unbeaten. I RSVP and I write Thank You notes for everything. My Mom was a real etiquette stickler. She would be aghast at the lack in today's society. For myself I prepare for all I have invited and even a little extra for the large appetite or two. I would gladly have leftovers rather then be short of food. That was a real No-No taught me by Mom. We were always prepared for uninvited guests or just friends dropping in. If you stop for coffee and spend an hour you will probably be offered a meal or at least appys or dessert.
 
Dec. 21, 2010 11:06 am
cookin_4_2, that's too bad for your friend's Mom especially if everyone that RSVP'd was local. I've decided if I've invited people that are traveling some distance to attend my event or that have health issues I'm going to be prepared for them and grateful they could make it. But if they can't I'll certainly understand. DH's family is all very local :) Thanks for posting!
 
Dec. 21, 2010 11:14 am
BevF,LOL! I agree with you. I would rather have too much food any time than have someone go hungry. If you are here for sometime appys are easier to come by. Desserts don't last here with a teen and a DH with a sweet tooth :) I thought I had all my Christmas "to give" cookies done but they seem to have disappeared faster than I made them! Thanks for stopping in!
 
tigger 
Dec. 21, 2010 12:31 pm
I often put "RSVP by (date) FIRM" on invites where I HAVE to know how many (for birthday party event or catered). Then, when people call at the last minute and say "can I still come?" I tell them that, sorry, I had to have a firm response by (date) to give to the caterers. Maybe next time. I've never had a multiple offender!
 
Dec. 21, 2010 1:33 pm
I had a special "construction" birthday party once for my (then) 5 year old planned with all the hard hats and props,a special lunch, games, party bags, music etc etc and mailed invitations to 10 children. No one RSVP'd, but I was still new at this motherhood thing, and planned for all the kids anyways, and of course a few parents, too. Not one child showed up. Luckily a couple cousins were there and saved the day, but that night I cried. Ever since that day (12 years ago!) If someone I invite isn't polite enough to respond, I CALL THEM AND ASK THEM IF THEY ARE COMING OR NOT. Most of the time, they act like they forgot, and apologize....maybe they did forget, I don't know, it happens. If they don't call me back and don't show up, I cross them off the list for next time. Too bad for them.
 
Dec. 21, 2010 2:07 pm
tigger, that's an excellent idea! Especially for a catered event because you really have to know how much to order. The one lady I asked if she RSVP'd that said "heck no, but I call at the last minute & ask if I can still come. No one ever says no", I wonder if she'd change her ways if she'd been told "sorry, no, you can't come"? Thanks for sharing!
 
Dec. 21, 2010 2:14 pm
yellowzealot, how sad. I've had that happen with the DH & his family. Even though he was over 30 at the time I think it still hurt his feelings a little. But a 5 yr old's BD party? Live and learn for sure! Thanks for posting!
 
Dec. 21, 2010 3:11 pm
I ALWAYS rsvp and I don't accept people that don't rsvp. Should I am planning an event bigger than 10 people and paying for specific amounts of food (like my wedding or the chuck e cheese parties) I depend on the RSVP's to let me know how much money and food I will be needing. When people show up without RSVPing I usually ask they pick up their own bill, and they usually do.
 
Susan A 
Dec. 21, 2010 3:41 pm
I try to always RSVP quickly. For my own parties, I just plan on everyone showing up and then scale back as needed. ;) I'd rather have leftovers than have someone go hungry!
 
missamberdawn 
Dec. 21, 2010 6:53 pm
I think its terribly rude when people don't respond at all, and show up anyways! Maybe the host should just keep a guest list, only make a little extra food, and give snack priority to those who had the courtesy to respond. Afterall, if you go to a restaruant on a potentially busy eveining, seating priority will be given to those who had the forethought to make reservations. I think its doubly rude in the instance of weddings, when so much more time, money and forethought goes in. I have seen wedding parties set it up so that people who did not respond and recieve back a save-the-date may or may not be admitted.
 
katherineH. flynn 
Dec. 21, 2010 7:14 pm
HELP ME, PLEASE! I DON'T WRITE ON THIS THING ENOUGH TO KNOW WHAT ALL THE CUTE LITTLE LETTERS MEAN. WHAT DO "LOL" AND "DH" MEAN? HOWEVER I DO KNOW WHAT RSVP MEANS. I THINK YOU WLL FIND OUT THAT THOSE WHO DON'T RESPOND, DON'T DO A LOT OF HEAVY ENTERTAINING. YOU ONLY HAVE TO BE LEFT HANGING ONCE TO LEARN HOW TO "R". I REALLY LIKED THE PERSON WHO HAD THE NONRESPONDERS PAY FOR THEIR OWN. THAT OUGHT TO LEARN'EM TOO. IF I CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO FIND THIS BLOG AGAIN I WILL LOVE TO READ IT. "BOLTM" (BEST OF LUCK TO ME)
 
Dec. 21, 2010 9:26 pm
I never realized how important RSVP'ing was until my wedding 3 years ago... now I'm an FR (first responder)!
 
sek_71 
Dec. 21, 2010 10:42 pm
simply put if you invite 20 people, you should be ready to feed 20. even if 10 only show, you never know who might just "drop in".
 
Dec. 22, 2010 5:59 am
WeBePirates, you've got a point there about asking the non responder to pay. I went to 1 event where that wasn't an option so the host did portion control boy was that a mess! Thanks for stopping in!
 
Dec. 22, 2010 6:06 am
katherineH. flynn, http://allrecipes.com/Cook/13698202/BlogEntry.aspx?postid=172075. Sassyoldlady posted a blog with all those abbrevs. You can also go back up to her post here and click on her avatar(picture) to get to her blogs. Hope you make it back & that helps! And I think you are absolutely right! :)
 
Dec. 22, 2010 6:08 am
Susan A, thanks for dropping in! I'd rather have leftovers than a hungry guest anyday. I've just learned to stock up on "to go" containers and send the leftovers home with friends. Oddly enough they are extremely prompt with their RSVP's :)
 
Dec. 22, 2010 6:14 am
missamberdawn, I agree but I also wonder if some people just don't know how or what to do w/invites. We were invited to a wedding, same day as our anniversary, there was no RSVP, no # and our names were incorrect on the invite. I wasn't sure they even knew who they were inviting but I still called one of their relatives and said we couldn't make it. Thanks for posting!
 
Dec. 22, 2010 6:18 am
lisa6005, thanks for stopping in! Weddings deserve their own category when it comes to RSVP's,IMO, cause they are so much work!
 
Dec. 22, 2010 6:27 am
sek_71, true but if you're a host or hostess on a very limited budget trying to have a nice party, RSVP's can ease the concerns. A relative just went thru that, very little money to spend on the graduation party, no idea who was coming and RSVP's on the invites. Thanks for posting!
 
Dec. 22, 2010 6:52 am
I always RSVP, but about half the guests I invite do. Thanks for the formula! I have decided not to even ask anymore. I just plan food for more than enough and try to make the menu flexible enough to transform them into leftovers and/or freeze for later meals. Soup is often the first course (everything but potato freezes well). It may go without saying, but I love having a veggie tray to later turn into a stir-fry, soup, or spaghetti sauce. The same goes with a fruit tray: fruit with yogurt, muffins, etc. When we are having a small get-together (4-8), I love using the raclette (indoor party grill with a mini skillet for each person)!!! It's very social (better than fondue, IMO). I precook potatoes, onions, bell peppers, summer sausage, bacon, shrimp, etc. In addition, we prepare bowls of shredded cheeses, mushrooms, banana peppers, etc. to add to each person's individual skillet for personal taste (very Walton-like, as in the TV show from the 70s). If you have never heard of raclette, I know they have them on amazon. This also takes the pressure of cooking for a group before you know their taste preferences. As someone who likes to entertain without the stress of cooking something that everyone will like, raclette is my favorite go-to in smaller guest dinners.
 
machsnell 
Dec. 22, 2010 8:26 am
I always RSVP. It is rude not to. I learned that when I was about 6 or 7 years old. I don't get why it is so hard to pick up a pen and mark the reply card or pick up the phone and call. Considering all the ways we have to communicate it is pretty easy. If you can take the time to text, or update your status on Facebook, you can RSVP. Oh and I always ask a head of time if it okay to bring an extra person, if not then that is fine. I like this article about RSVP.

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-does-rsvp-mean.htm
 
RUPIEZUM 
Dec. 22, 2010 8:35 am
Oh, how I love that equation!!
 
Dec. 22, 2010 9:42 am
I wish people would ease up on the RSVPs. Every gathering you host should not require RSVPs. I always return the RSVPs promptly, but typically I don't ever attach an RSVP to my events. If people are able, I want them to come and if they are not because they are sick, have to work late or have something come up, I don't want them to feel guilty because they did RSVP. Life is busy these days, especially around the holidays. I am getting RSVPs for Pampered Chef parties, Mary Kay parties, baby showers, wedding showers...for the love...enough is enough...If the event is catered...I fully understand the need for an RSVP, but really an RSVP for a Pampered Chef party...come on...
 
gth-Houston 
Dec. 22, 2010 1:07 pm
Hardly anyone RSVPs, and it bugs me. We always do if it is requested. Same thing goes for acknowledging gifts with a "thank you" in any form - note, e-mail, phone call.
 
Dec. 22, 2010 1:49 pm
eatsREALfood, something tells me I'd love to come to your house! I've got to look up raclette that sounds interesting. :)yes, I know who the Waltons are. Your idea sounds like so much fun, though! Thanks for taking the time to share it!
 
Dec. 22, 2010 1:57 pm
machsnell, I'll have to go look at that site and thanks for posting it. Don't you think even if there is no RSVP required, it's just plain nice to let the person asking you to come to their home and eat know whether you are or not? Thanks for stopping in!
 
Dec. 22, 2010 1:59 pm
RUPIEZUM, LOL. Glad you liked the equation. My friend didn't think I was serious. Thanks for posting!
 
Dec. 22, 2010 2:01 pm
AKLAKAMP, thanks for posting.
 
Dec. 22, 2010 2:07 pm
gth-Houston, my child thinks I'm torturing him by making him write thank you's. I keep telling him there is nothing wrong with courtesy or manners. Some day maybe he will believe me :) Thanks for stopping by!
 
Dec. 22, 2010 2:41 pm
I think it's plain RUDE to not RSVP, especially for dinner parties as you have to actually set a table. Even worse is when people show up who are NOT invited, which happened to me once. Now THAT's rude!
 
Dec. 22, 2010 2:59 pm
mimsmac, my big concern with sitdown formal dinners are chairs. My nephew brought his MIL & FIL unexpected to Thanksgiving once and I had to use some chairs I'd been refinishing(they were clean just not pretty)to seat them. Yikes! They grumbled but I couldn't think of anything else to do, lawn chairs were too short to reach the table. Thanks for stopping in!
 
catherinemb 
Dec. 22, 2010 3:48 pm
A party giver asks for RSVP (which is "Respond Please" in French) because she/he really cares how many are coming. Perhaps its to alert the caterer, or purchase party favors. I recently moved to a small town (where I grew up) from downtown Chicago. I threw a party for 60 guests, only 1 responded. I was devastated and disgusted. After a few parties like this, I decided that if an invited guest responds (lets not say RSVP'd) they stay on the guest list, if not, they're out!
 
Cheepy 
Dec. 22, 2010 4:06 pm
Did you just do MATH???? Now my head hurts :o)! If someone invites me somewhere I always let them know if I'll be there or not and ask what I need to bring. That's called COMMON COURTESY.
 
Pepper 
Dec. 22, 2010 4:21 pm
I always respond when I am asked to Rsvp. I wish I could tolerate the non-Rsvpers but I just think it's rude, really rude, not to show that small courtesy.
 
Dec. 22, 2010 6:18 pm
catherinemb, thanks for dropping by!
 
Dec. 22, 2010 6:21 pm
cheepchick, yep I did math. Scary I always could add the alphabet better than numbers :)My family always responded to an invite and then asked what they could bring. DH's NOPE. Hence the formula!!! LOL
 
Dec. 22, 2010 6:24 pm
Pepper, you've got a good point, it is a small courtesy and pretty easy to extend to your host or hostess. Thanks for posting!
 
Dec. 22, 2010 6:26 pm
OH my Gosh!!! Yes RSVP!!!!!!! I had my wedding not too long ago and you'd be shocked at how many people don't bother to RSVP! Now when you are spending $35 per person to feed you NEED a number. Now I'm planning my annual Christmas brunch and have gotten maybe 3 RSVP's but I go ahead and plan for the 25 or so people we usually get. Come on people, it's a simple phone call! DO IT! It really does matter.
 
Dec. 22, 2010 6:48 pm
i always RSVP and think it's really rude when folks do not RSVP - it doesn't take much time or effort and makes planning a lot easier on the hostess... thanks for the "probable guest" equation, I will give it a try... ...oh, and i write out thank you notes to guests who do attend any of my get togethers :) merry christmas everyone!
 
Dec. 22, 2010 6:55 pm
April D., even figuring cake to serve for a small quiet wedding needs a number. And you are so right it's just a phone call or simple as returning the card. Thanks for stopping by!
 
Dec. 22, 2010 7:00 pm
da momb, you're welcome! When I first started having DH's birthday BBQ's I'd get frustrated trying to figure food so after one such BBQ (& maybe a few adult beverages) I figured up who came, how often, food served, food left and # of RSVP's. Hence the formula but still it does help to know the people who've invited. Thanks for commenting!
 
Kelly C. 
Dec. 22, 2010 10:21 pm
I always RSVP AND send thank you notes. I even take a hostess gift. My mama raised me right :) with my in-laws I never know how many are coming, they bring whoever they want and have informed me I need to make enough for "to go's" too. No kidding. My formula: cook for number invited plus five. When it is gone; it is gone.
 
Kelly C. 
Dec. 22, 2010 10:24 pm
A helpful hint: in my family we have a code: F.H.B. which means Family Hold Back if there is not enough of something or we're running low.
 
Dec. 22, 2010 10:39 pm
Thanks for the great topic. My mom taught me manners also, and I always RSVP if requested. I used to get frustrated about my own guests who didn't RSVP -- now I just call two days before and ask if they received the invite and whether they can come. But you know what's WORSE than those who don't reply? It's those who reply "maybe" or "I'll try to come." THE NERVE!! At least with a "no," I can plan accurately. What is a hostess supposed to do with a "maybe"!?!
 
Dec. 23, 2010 12:34 am
Well, I guess if I ever was invited, I would definitely RSVP, but sadly I am not invited. And, with the language barrier and my health being so unpredictable, I cannot plan any kind of "pay back" (for lack of a better word) dinners, so I guess it is best that I live vicariously through you guys. :) Seriously though, I did RSVP back in the good ol' days and would reciprocate,(That's the word!), with either a home cooked meal or taking them out for a nice dinner.
 
Emily B 
Dec. 23, 2010 12:44 am
This is such a great post and I LOVE the equation. What really killed me though was the image of your husband grimly declaring that the Pumpkin Pie Abomination was not going to happen twice. What a scene! Love it so much.
 
UNCgal 
Dec. 23, 2010 12:59 am
Having just retired from a large university in which I worked in the Chancellor's office, can you imagine the raised eyebrows at having to contact non-responders invited to an elite university function? Oh, my. How extremely rude and, as I have always heard in the South, "shows a lack of breeding." Just totally unacceptable, and shame on anyone reading this who is guilty of not respnding to RSVPs!
 
Dec. 23, 2010 6:25 am
*tink* always RSVPs, it's disrespectful to not respond! Great blog, but the math hurts my head. I'm pretty much completely dyslexic with numbers and math in general, so even though I don't understand the equation I DO understand the end result...which is CHAOS, right? lol...Mele Kalikimaka & Haole Maka Hiki Hau!!!
 
Dec. 23, 2010 6:26 am
Oh, I almost forgot, since today is December 23...HAPPY FESTIVUS TOO!!!!
 
SaxtonSells 
Dec. 23, 2010 9:01 am
I RSVP one way or the other by the date requested on the invite! If there is no formal invite (which also drives me crazy for some events) then at least one week prior to the event I'll call / email and ask what I can bring. When I host an event if it's not just a phone call to folks and I actually send out invites and folks haven't RSVPd I call and ask them. I always ask if they got the invite first, then ask if they could please RSVP in the future as it saves me a lot of time having to call everyone. Dont get me wrong, I'm very pleasant about it. Since then, it's worked!!! I have two family members who for whatever reason cant seem to RSVP. One showed up at the event unannounced. He felt really out of place when there wasnt a seat for him and his girlfriend :) the other is my sister who has her head permanently shoved where the sun doesnt shine. It only takes a minute to say YES! We'll be there, thanks for the invite OR to say, I'm really sorry but we've already got plans for the day, we'll have to make it another time. No explanation is needed beyond that. Happy Holidays to everyone whatever you celebrate!!
 
Dec. 23, 2010 10:03 am
Kelly C., that's my niece's in-laws for sure and then they expect to stay over and have breakfast served and or lunch. Thanks for posting!
 
Dec. 23, 2010 10:07 am
NancySJ, I've often wondered about those maybe's. Does it mean they are just waiting for something better to be invited to? In the case of health issues or coming from a long distance I understand a maybe most certainly. Thansk for stopping by!
 
Dec. 23, 2010 10:09 am
choppie, that's too bad, it sounds like you are a kind and courteous guest to invite. Thanks for dropping in!
 
Dec. 23, 2010 10:11 am
Emily B, I kid you not, the DH takes his pumpkin pie seriously. I couldn't figure out why he wasn't starting the car, it was cold out. I think he was counting to 100 before he said something. LOL Glad you liked the blog!
 
Dec. 23, 2010 10:17 am
UNCgal, thanks for stopping by! You would think at a big university like that RSVP's would be answered.
 
Dec. 23, 2010 10:23 am
msntnkrbll, LOL but it's fun chaos! Glad you liked the blog, sorry the math gave you a headache! It did my friend too! :)
 
Dec. 23, 2010 10:29 am
SaxtonSells, yep that's the truth! It doesn't take much time to say yay or nay to an invite. Thanks for posting and Happy Holidays to you too!
 
CuzinEd 
Dec. 23, 2010 11:02 am
That would be Repondez and not Respondez. Sorry no 's' needed!
 
Dec. 23, 2010 11:49 am
I'm sorry, but stuff like that gets me very angry. I'm very tempted to make anyone who shows up who didn't RSVP go home.
 
pollytnjc 
Dec. 23, 2010 12:33 pm
I'm having a party TONIGHT for which I had to buy more champagne at the last minute (another $100) because 5 people finally told me today that they were coming AND bringing guests! Two only mentioned because I asked them! These are educated, well informed individuals. Very nice people. But isn't that the case? NICE, educated, world-wise people whom you think would know that you are needing a count for food purposes, still think they are the only ones who wait to tell you. I keep feeling like they are trying to wait to see "how they feel" or if a "better invitation" comes along. I even asked to RSVP by a certain date for planning purposes, to no avail! I've asked before what people think RSVP means....a variety of answers include "regrets only", "open ended", and the correct answer which is as you said - "RESPOND Please"! Not hard at all! Where are our manners? We need Miss Manners again! When the shoe is on the other foot, they might appreciate the joy of a timely response. But, most of the time, the worst offenders are not the ones who typically have parties for large groups. In today's world, I think we've lost touch with simple civility. Kindness. Consideration. Everyone on this blog, lets promise to teach that to our kids! AND to teach them what RSVP means!!!
 
kate65 
Dec. 23, 2010 12:56 pm
Good grief - I had no idea math was involved! Nice read - I enjoyed it. Sometimes I RSVP - depends on who & what. I'll try to be better from now on.
 
Saami 
Dec. 23, 2010 1:35 pm
I am a definite responder to all requests for "Respondez, s'il vous plait!" Most of my gatherings are buffet style with requests for all 'groups' to bring a dish to complement the main course. Evite works great for reminders and .. well, those who didn't bother to respond don't get seats provided. I do hope the enjoy sitting on the stairs in whatever weather British Columbia provides at this time of year :P
 
Dec. 23, 2010 2:15 pm
I read this again-instead of putting RSVP i put please contact if your coming because lots of people dont know (or forget) what rsvp means
 
Niki 
Dec. 23, 2010 2:38 pm
I once sent a "drop-in" home because of the cost and inability to feed him our fresh salmon dinner. Humiliating for us both.
 
Dec. 23, 2010 4:42 pm
CuzinEd, LOLOLOL! I said French class was a long time ago. Should have paid closer attention to Webster & Ms. Barman. Thanks for the correction!
 
Dec. 23, 2010 4:45 pm
Carly H., but if you are throwing the party for someone else, what can you do? Thanks for commiserating.
 
Dec. 23, 2010 4:49 pm
pollytnjc, did you see the post that said (paraphasing) "if you don't reply, sorry you will have to come some other time"? It does sound like you are having a nice party & trust me I would have RSVP'd promptly :)
 
Dec. 23, 2010 4:56 pm
kate65, glad you liked the blog. thanks for dropping by!
 
Dec. 23, 2010 5:00 pm
Saami, thanks for commenting sorry but cuzinEd has corrected my mistake it's repondez no s. Still either way it's spelled it seems lots of us don't know what to do with RSVP! :) Again thanks for your comment!
 
Jara 
Dec. 23, 2010 5:03 pm
It was my birthday last week and I decided to have a gathering of friends and neighbours. While I didn't have a formal invitation or a formal RSVP (Respondez, s'il vous plait!), I did ask people to let me know if they planned to attend to make sure that I had enough food. Part of my reason for asking is that this is a busy time of year and I know that people get a lot of invitations that they have to juggle. What shocked me was the number of people who said they would come and then didn't. I had expected 20 people based upon their responses to my invitations. But instead, only 10 people showed up. I was pretty annoyed. In the end, it has worked out well - I have family coming over for Christmas Day and I can recycle all the cheese, biscuits, dips and so on into a buffet dinner that we will graze on throughout the day. But I fed several neighbours and colleagues on the leftovers that wouldn't last until Christmas. The rudeness is even more unforgiving since all the supposed guests know that I am a struggling/emerging professional artist. I didn't expect anyone to bring anything - this was my celebration of a good but difficult year and I wanted to show my friends what they meant to me. But instead, they showed my what I meant to them by not showing up. I guess I could say that I learned who my real friends are! This has been an interesting thread and I thank the original poster and all the responders for making it so! sara
 
Dec. 23, 2010 5:06 pm
Piggeyluver~!, thanks for coming back with that suggestion!
 
Dec. 23, 2010 5:15 pm
Niki, thanks for posting!
 
Dec. 23, 2010 5:19 pm
Jara, at least your leftovers where put to good use. For someone on a tight budget it is pretty rude to say you will come and then not show unless you're sick. No one wants to share germs this time of year:) Happy belated birthday!!
 
Dec. 23, 2010 6:24 pm
I always have things personalized and have a few extra...its embarrassed the out of people who show up when I point out that since I didnt know they were coming, they have a generic item (whatever it is)..especially kids bday parties. It only takes once for someones kid NOT to get a good bag before they start RSVPing...as long as you make sure you let the kid knows its their parents fault!!
 
Jessica 
Dec. 23, 2010 6:36 pm
To not RSVP and show up is very annoying, but I too have family and friends you just don't know. So, I usually call a day or two before instead of RSVP.
 
Dec. 23, 2010 7:23 pm
I always respond. We have my husband's family over every year for Christmas brunch. Beginning the 1st of December I e-mail everyone, tell them what I need brought and ask how many of them will come. If everyone in the family show up there's 41. (he's one of 7, then with spouses, kids and now greats, it adds up) I don't care if anyone brings an extra, but I ask them to please tell me. I have to rent tables and chairs, and want to make sure there are enough. I usually get at least 2-4 extra chairs just in case. 2 years ago, so many family members brought extra people, I didn't have any where to sit - AND IT WAS MY PARTY! That was even with breaking out folding lawn chairs too. Then to top it off, one brother in law said it was rude of me not to sit with the party. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. Not a happy camper that day. Planning a sit down meal is a big deal. People who don't respond are just rude. Sorry for the rant. LOL, I can still get mad all over again about that year.
 
Dec. 24, 2010 8:37 am
DEBHAS5, I hear ya!!! I've noticed a common thread here with this blog and the posts, it seems too many people don't know or care what RSVP means or they don't entertain enough to realize little elves don't do all the work for a party! :)
 
Dec. 24, 2010 8:40 am
av8rgrl71, I'm thinking of 2 different family branches that I don't think even that would phase them but you do have a good idea! Thanks for stopping by!
 
Dec. 24, 2010 8:47 am
Jessica, thanks for stopping in!
 
 
 
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Cat Hill

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Kansas City, Missouri, USA

Member Since
Aug. 2009

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Baking, Grilling & BBQ, Frying, Stir Frying, Asian, Mexican, Italian, Southern, Mediterranean, Healthy, Gourmet

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About Me
I live in the middle of the U.S. in a farming communtiy. Gardening, reading and cooking are the things you'll mostly find me doing. I also enjoy horseback riding & my many pets. A husband & teen, I have 1 of each.
My favorite things to cook
Bread & BBQ are 2 of my favorite things to cook. I do enjoy a food challenge. Last year it was curing my own brisket for Corned beef & pastrami & porkloin for Canadian bacon. This year sausages & scratch cakes.
My favorite family cooking traditions
Bread and brittle. I learned to bake bread with my Mom. It was her favorite thing to make. My Aunt made the best peanut brittle ever. She'd stopped making it in the later years but when I told her how much I enjoyed her brittle, she opened the vault ,gave me the recipe & handed over the brittle torch to me.
My cooking triumphs
Anything that turns out the way I wanted it to or exceeds my expectations! Like my homemade bratwurst.
My cooking tragedies
Let's not go there! I prefer not to think about my kitchen disasters besides my child can gleefully recount all of them.
 
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