Male Gratitude. Often Misunderstood - Life ... It's Why We Cook. Blog at - 267756

Life ... It's Why We Cook.

Male Gratitude. Often Misunderstood 
Feb. 17, 2012 9:23 am 
Updated: Jan. 16, 2013 4:31 am
If only we were amoeba and could reproduce without the need of male and female. No need for marriage or the fragile tests of courtship. No misunderstanding between genders. No division during child rearing. No conflicts because of gender based decorating preferences. The malls might actually be interesting without all of the stores selling clothes for just one gender. (We could all wear the same thing!) We would all be interested in pickup trucks, motorcycles, hunting and beer busts. If one needs someone to talk to, one simply divides oneself and starts talking. The simple amoeba! To be envied!

Instead, we have lives that, if written as a script, would be one continuous… Melodrama!
(Melodrama: (def.) 1. A drama, such as a play, film, or television program, characterized by exaggerated emotions, stereotypical characters, and interpersonal conflicts.
a. The dramatic genre characterized by this treatment.
2. Behavior or occurrences having melodramatic characteristics.
Read more:<  )

Recently, IBBZ and Cat Hill had blog entries that pointed out their perceived shortcomings of the male side of the gender gap. Rather than let those sleeping dogs lay, I’m going to give them a kick under the tail and stir them up a bit.

Oops! Sleeping dogs, uhh… I mean the subjects of their blogs. Not… uhhh… you know. A metaphor! That’s all it is!  

Magnolia Blossom asked why there isn’t any rule books for wives to use. That answer is easy enough, it would have to be written by a man and that would automatically make it invalid and irrelevant to the women.

GoodEatNZ had her input that illuminated for me just how deeply this lack of knowledge runs with her comment, “Men, like our furry friends, have their own unique way of communicating. Jowl wiping on the carpet (or even better, the sofa)” After I thought about this for a while, I realized she may have opened the door for a whole new methodology for male expression. Maybe I’ll put together a proposal for the next meeting of “Males Against Emasculation”.

Anyway, I feel many women have a misunderstanding of male attention to them. Marriage shouldn’t be paralleled with the US legislature where weeks of bickering, sniping, name calling and lying are the only result that is born from the mal- interpretation of the original intended meaning. So, in that spirit I’ll explain the elements of male compliments.

In both of those posts, getting compliments for the meals seemed to be the contention of merit. There were many replies to these posts, but no offerings of understanding. In an effort to clarify things, I responded on Cat’s post and I’ll repeat it here in greater detail than I could in a comment.

First: Were the plates clean?  This is important but not an accurate indicator of gratitude for a good meal. It must be accompanied by one or all of the following grades of belching.

Second: How loud were their belches?
There are two quiet grades and five audible grades. The first quiet grade being suitable for social gatherings and only the most tentative wife would know it happened. It comes out real smooth, quiet and through the nostrils. This level of belch is for use in polite company.It means the meal is done, can we leave now? The second quiet one will cause the cheeks to puff out some and when the lips are parted a slight pop will be heard. Only those looking directly toward the compliment will be aware of it. Sometimes, someone might hear the little pop and turn toward the sound but will exhibit no further interest than that. This grade is also for use in polite company, and compliments the cook. It means, the food was good, the meal is done and can we leave now?

Now, the audible ones are for use anywhere that the man feels a need to express himself. Typically, he will reserve them for those he loves and wants to please. The grades are given names that correspond to explosives.

The Grade 5 Belch, being the least, is called “The Lady Finger” (after the small firecracker of the same name- not the overt sign wives often gives their husbands.) because it makes the least noise. This is a compliment but also means the cook could have done much better. It is usually given after saying, “What an interesting meal”.

The Grade 4 Belch is “The Cherry Bomb” and is always heard after a great lunch of hot dogs, beer batter fried onions and beer. It can also be heard after a great supper of pizza, potato chips and beer. This one will always cause folks to turn their heads and affirm they have heard the compliment.

The Grade 3 Belch is “The M-80”. At this level, misunderstanding often occurs. Uneducated folks tend to call this level “disgusting”, “horrible” or “eee-ewwww” These folks just don’t understand that a very tasty and plentiful meal has just been consumed and gratitude must be expressed. It results in embarrassment to the poor man because of the misguided judgments of others.

The Grade 2 Belch is “Dynamite”. People really pay close attention when they hear this one. They always affirm they heard it with reactive expressions such as “holy s###!” or
“what da he##!!”

Finally, the most desired of all compliments is “The MOAB”. The Mother of All Belches is Grade 1. The epitome of male gratitude and compliments is when he rattles the house windows with his best belch while scratching both sides of his butt. Those around him may have sudden  expletives and/or spontaneous release of their own gas.

Third: Did they lay down for a nap? Is so, were the naps taken on the sofa or chair or in the pickup. In the pickup is the highest nap compliment. That’s why there are eight foot boxes on pickups- for comfortable napping after a great meal.

Fourth: When they awaken, do they hunt for chips? If not, that's a high compliment.

If your man fails to express his gratitude for the meal you prepared for him, just tell him so. He’ll be glad to correct the unintentional oversight.
Then, there are the accusations of men not appreciating their spouses, being unable to find objects that wives claim to be in plain sight, being simple, being disorganized, being inferior and incapable of household decisions. All of this will be addressed and clarified in future blog entries.
Feb. 17, 2012 9:50 am
I'll address the one about being unable to find objects. Why should men remember where they put stuff? We have wives and as any man can tell you, they NEVER forget anything, so ask your wife. She's demonstrated time and again that she remembers every detail of every little thing you've ever done, so it's obvious, she keeps track. She knows where your stuff is.
Feb. 17, 2012 9:53 am
You may be on to something here.
Feb. 17, 2012 10:51 am
Mike - I just love your writing! I have been blessed with a husband that is very appreciative of my culinary skills. He not only says after almost every meal, "Thank you that was delicious", he helps with the dishes instead of belching! I credit a lot of his appreciation to his having served in the military. Once you are forced to survive on what comes out of those ration cans, have a limited fresh water supply to drink and have to take a bath every three weeks in a river, you learn to give thanks for the little things in life. By the way, he still keeps misplacing his socks though and Raedwulf after 42 years I have given up trying to find them!lol
Feb. 17, 2012 10:58 am
Boys...boys...boys! . It appears I have no sense of humor....or so I have been told. Please explain.... I don't understand the gender specific humor that comes with flatulence. Following "Monday Night Football Chili Fest" the guys all ruck it up. Roars of laughter the likes of which even Steve Martin could not elicit. The louder and longer the better. This along with Chili / beer belches which seem to be equally funny, often accompanied by pats on the back and high fives. I guess the Chili was good! Talk about gender inequality!
Feb. 17, 2012 11:01 am
Oh, by the way - No Baking Papa says that is why the other wives don't stick around when their husbands host. Problem is, the other wives can trust their spouses in the kitchen - not so at the house. I just try to pretend to not be there.....
Feb. 17, 2012 11:19 am
Nice articulation of some interesting information. Hmmm...I'm thinking...(tongue-in-cheek??) Waiting for more information.
Feb. 17, 2012 11:49 am
Love your blogs Mike, always informative, a good laugh and leaves you wanting more. What did we ever do before you started blogging! Raedwulf are you my husband in disguise, you sound just like him.
Feb. 17, 2012 1:16 pm
LOLOLOLOLOL! Love it!!!! Just love it! Did you know horses do the same thing with uh hem, gasy air? Oh thank you merciful heavens for not giving me a nose! And yes :)(: I do know where everything is! At least my 2 always assume that I do. Now as far as compliments, Mike I have been noting the cleaning of the plates. I think you are onto something there :) Now about that napping and chip seeking....
Feb. 17, 2012 1:43 pm
This is too funny! I was blessed with a man who not only told me he enjoyed his meals he also told anyone who would listen that he married a great cook. My boys would also say words like "Good stew, thanks Mom" while my daughters just sort of ate and disappeared. No matter how old I get, I will never understand mens vast joy in expelling gas as noisily as possible. Great attempt to explain the male/female thing, Mike!
Feb. 17, 2012 2:13 pm
LOL! Mike. As for the belch, "better out of the attic than the basement."
Feb. 17, 2012 5:21 pm
Well, let me get a word in here as I did sort of start a "conversation" of sorts. This "male" I am referring to has all the attributes given him and he doesn't use them! God gave him the ability to suppress those ungodly sounds that come from his body on a regular and irregular basis. Does he chose to do this in private?? No, he chooses to do this in a place where "normal people" dwell. In fact, sometimes, we can't even get near the room that these sounds come from without help of a respirator. Sorry, but a small burp and a big honking one means nothing in the scheme of things here. I am sorry to have to tell you that, yes, you are male, yes, you are here, but in reality, you are more like a ,,a,,
Feb. 17, 2012 5:31 pm
LOL, Mike! You are too funny! Love your writing style! Many years ago, as a young bride, I was bestowed just such a vehement expression of appreciation for my dinner, by my new brother-in-law, that I was rendered speechless. I must have look horrified because my husbands 90 year old aunt leaned over to me, patted my hand and said "Whatever nature wills is not evil". All I could think was God help me! :) Very much looking forward to the second installment of this blog. I will have to check your facts against "The Husbands Guide Book" that my DH always seems to quote from. No doubt there are chapters dedicated to the art of this very subject. LOL
Feb. 17, 2012 5:46 pm
What fun! Thanks for letting us laugh with you, Mike!
Feb. 17, 2012 5:55 pm
Lol great blog Mike!! Thanks for explaining the Mars point of view. I do not dissapoint my Mr, very often. I get bored easily and tend to forget to make things he has said he likes. I always want to make something new and over look the favorites.
Feb. 17, 2012 6:13 pm
Give me some help her "real ladies", I mean the real women who have been married over 30 years and know what these "men" get to be over the years, yes, tell me,, they want the same things, year after year, don't change! Come on, it is like to pull a hard nail to make them change.
Feb. 17, 2012 6:36 pm
Been married 24 years (consider myself VERY REAL!) and my guys do not have these issues... now, the in-laws... another story.
Feb. 18, 2012 12:18 am
I can only speak from the 36 years in 2 days we've been married, and all the times and troubles and bills and tears and worries and differences and misunderstandings were always honed down by the long ago definition written by a man who well knew what he was saying was so true, having experienced both sides of the issue to the extreme. While Mike's blog is with tongue in cheek, and spoken with a smile that shows a kinder, gentler side to his nature, I live in an area where every night on the news sadly there are reports of violence and murders and I get newsletters from organazations for help for non-violent relationships. My husband and I do have a very happy and enjoyable relationship. The person I want to quote from, wrote to a group of people at Corinth, 1Co:13 4-8. When we were going through one of the worst times, when he had his first heart attack, he was a bear,angry. I read that Scripture, said I can NEVER do that. But with help, I did, we did, we are, we're glad, and so are our kids and friend. Oh, and it got worse before it got bettet, and we have just been able to take a lickin', cause we can keep on tickin'-- he needs another hip replacement again, he can't walk, bone's gone, not sure about his heart's yet, but we're both look'in good, been there, done that. Got lots of support, and there are those that are much worse off, really, than us, we mention in our prayers, as King David in the Psalms mentioned the afflicted, the lowly,the poor, and downtrowned and many more. They will all be tken note of by the most High God Jehovah. Paul even said at 1Co14:1 to Pursure love, that is how important it is, he said it would never fail, isn't that amazing? How many of us can say we have accomplished that? I'm still working on it, as each day goes by and each yeach year, with the right guidance, it is more satisfying.
Feb. 18, 2012 4:32 am
LOL, LOL, LOL!! I'm sitting here laughing away! Great blog! My dear hubby loves a good nap after a meal, but it's always on the couch (his pick-up is stuffed to overflowing, probably with all the stuff he can't find) and his snores are a great indicator of how much he loved the meal. My son is always claiming I should know where everything is at, because I'm always claiming how I know everything. I want to know what class you men take to learn this stuff; and it's obvious you take it at a very young age since my son has been saying it for years already and he's 22 now.
Feb. 18, 2012 9:23 am
Thanks, Randy! I do agree with you but a more in depth explanation is probably needed. After all, we are the minority here so if we are detailed in any explanation we eliminate most of the possibilities to be told we are wrong.
Feb. 18, 2012 9:25 am
I'm sure that I am on to something, King.
Feb. 18, 2012 9:37 am
Thank you, Shearone! Male behavior is (I think) in evolution. Your hubby may be at the beginning the next evolution so many women are waiting for. However, this theory is not necessarily welcomed by "Men Against Emasculation". They are waiting for further research to determine if the evolution toward "socially acceptable" is voluntary. ... During one of my tours we couldn't have anything but a sponge bath (in cold air) because of the lack of clean water or because of water that was clean but was in ice form. That was about four months!
Feb. 18, 2012 10:02 am
OK, B'Nana, I'll try to lay it out in this comment. It's sorta like a lion that pees to mark it's territory and then growls and roars to announce his presence. When other lions approach that territory and sniff the markings they know they are going to be in trouble if they don't heed the presiding lions criteria of, don't pee any higher than the presiding lion and don't roar any louder than he does. In the human male evolution the trait of territorial dominance has become fractionalized but the instinct to roar and mark territory is still in evolution and is displayed the amplitude and longevity of releasing gases which simply means "welcome to my territory" or "Thanks for sharing your territory". B'nana, you have stepped higher into the next level of human evolution by remaining nearby when the lions gather. The other lionesses have left the territory to go hunting to provide for their lions.
Feb. 18, 2012 10:08 am
Thanks, mamaw! More information will be showing up in the future.
Feb. 18, 2012 11:24 am
Hi, Luvs2bake! Be careful of that Raedwulf fella! He's from British Columbia, you know. Just warning you.
Feb. 18, 2012 11:26 am
Good afternoon, Cat! Clean plates are a good thing. take note of other outward signs not necessarily displayed in your presence.
Feb. 18, 2012 11:29 am
Hi BigShotsMom! Your family must be of that newer evolution that I told Shearone about. Thanks for your comment!
Feb. 18, 2012 11:30 am
You are right about that, bd!
Feb. 18, 2012 11:34 am
The intent of this entry was not to get you upset, ibbz. Or did I misinterpret your comment? Regardless, I cannot put together what ",,a,," means. Will you help me out on that?
Feb. 18, 2012 11:42 am
Good afternoon, Jan! I have got to remember, "Whatever nature wills is not evil". I can't wait to surprise my wife with that! ... "The Husbands Guidebook" is a companion publication and is often referred to at the meetings of Men Against Emasculation. It is kept away from the hands of wives and NOW so that it doesn't get destroyed.
Feb. 18, 2012 11:42 am
Thank you, Bibi!
Feb. 18, 2012 11:45 am
That's OK, Patty Cakes! I'm sure you have often found new recipes that he likes and would like for you to make again.
Feb. 18, 2012 11:47 am
We've been married nearly 45 years, ibbz! Believe me, my wife is every bit a real woman. You can also believe that she still tries to "improve" this very real man! ;)
Feb. 18, 2012 11:49 am
From the serious side, your comment speaks volumes, Am&AbsGram! Thanks for your objective input!
Feb. 18, 2012 11:52 am
Good afternoon, Mother Ann! Snores. Another topic to be included in a future blog entry. Although very fitting in this one, I want to include it later.
Feb. 18, 2012 12:22 pm
Mike, I said my little piece. I survived it. Hey, I'm good! I personally don't go for the belch as compliment but sometimes it can't be helped. I also generally leave the room to get rid of exhaust gasses too. Belching I don't really care about, but I know some folks take great exception to them so I keep my own dialled back. Farting however, while I find my own rather delightful, yours are disgusting. Thusly I conduct myself with the utmost of grace in that regard, again, when possible.
Feb. 18, 2012 1:47 pm
As we all do, Randy.
Feb. 18, 2012 4:49 pm
Feb. 18, 2012 6:31 pm
45 years. My Mom and Dad were married 50 years. Me, just 22 this time. You know, I think I may have gained some perspective here :)(: About compliments that is. Still, I look forward to the book!
Feb. 18, 2012 6:31 pm
Or next blog :)(:
Feb. 18, 2012 7:33 pm
Mike Harvey, what a great perspective of the males species. Well, I guess that would be because you are a part of that species. Hmmm... dinner must have been pretty good. Plate was clean. Middle of the range belch, and peacefully napping on the couch. By the time he awakes, it'll be bedtime, so no chips or cookies for him. I've been complimented all these years and never knew it. What a great guy! I knew I was a lucky gal, but now I have your word for it. Thanks Mike! Looking for more understanding of the other half and looking forward to your next installment.
Feb. 18, 2012 8:35 pm
Mike, I am actually "laughing out loud!" You are hilarious! Great blog and good fun! Fact is: The very thing I love most about my husband is that he is ALL male...100% a man's man! Disgusting sounds, eroneous nap taking, if it was a snake it would've bitten you sock tracking skills and all. I just love that he's male and I'm female. We've been cracking each other up for 30 years. Phew!... what was that? O..R..A..N..G..E!!!! Really???? Holy Stink-bomb!
Feb. 19, 2012 12:35 pm
Yup! 45 years, Cat. Five more and we'll be at the big one! Doesn't seem so long ago that the five year mark seemed so far away. Now, 50 years is only five years away.
Feb. 19, 2012 12:40 pm
Glad to have helped you out, Magnolia Blossom! It's never too late for a little understanding. Check out the next comment from Candice.
Feb. 19, 2012 12:43 pm
Orange is one lucky, lucky, lucky guy!
Feb. 19, 2012 8:05 pm
Oh Candice, our DH's are so very alike...
Feb. 20, 2012 12:09 pm
Just checking back in here, Mike. Thanks for that makes total sense. :)
Feb. 20, 2012 1:37 pm
Around my house, a food compliment of highest regard is when he pats his stomach, unbuttons his pants, and says, "Yep. I'd eat that again." However, the wisdom of your scale of cooking success does not go unappreciated (I type as I LMAO!) Love you, Mike; can't wait to see you at Cat's in June:)
Feb. 20, 2012 6:15 pm
You are welcome, B'Nana! Glad to have helped out!
Feb. 20, 2012 6:17 pm
He has graduated (slightly) higher in the evolutionary processes, Mangel. Have you thanked him for that?
Feb. 21, 2012 6:11 pm
O.M.G. So what about all the flatulance from cows that's supposed to be causing climate change? Could it be it isn't the cows after all? Homebound methane? Interesting. DH, has not, in 30 years of marriage, eva, complained about any meal. It's always "great dinner, Babe" - Breakfast of Champions - or "Mean lunch there, Woman"...rawer! Belches, nah. In the winter, he spends hours in his Taj Majal (up a tree) probably contemplating the cosmos; rarely bringing home the prized venison as opposed to days gone by and he'd harvest not one but two. He doesn't forget anything; dates, receipts, where he put his anything...friends from grade-high school or college, military buds, my moms maiden name; nope nothing. He adores our GK's and just short of the ole "Pull my Finger" routine, I was convinced I had a rare gem among men. As for snoring? I'd put my 3 AM freight train up against anything you've got! Bring it!! Big hugs, Dude.
Feb. 21, 2012 7:40 pm
It's great to see you, again SouthernGma! Yup! You have a keeper for sure! ... How is Kira doing? ... My email address is different, now. ... I was driving in SoCal near Calexico and off in the distance was some cattle operation. I think it was a dairy operation. We could see the gases from the lot rising and discoloring the atmosphere. Must have raised 500 feet or more before dispersing. Of course that was on a desert so it should be expected.
Apr. 6, 2012 7:42 am
Ha ha! Great blog. Must say, I reserve the right to belch, around here. Funny, didn't read this blog until today, but last night I did dream I was kind of a split amoeba. Had been telling someone I sometimes forget I am not a tall blonde but am a short brunette, because throughout the first 5 years of grade school, I was the former, then suddenly quit growing and was thereafter 'short,' and in later years the blonde hair didn't really go grey or white but turned brown. Well, in my dream, short brown-haired me (yes, I add SOME hair dye) was living with and talking to a tall blonde, also me. We got along very well.
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Mike Harvey, daPITA

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About Me
At age 16, I began cooking when my mother was injured in an accident that kept her off her feet for five weeks. At first, my repertoire was fried hot dogs with pork and beans, boiled hot dogs with macaroni and cheese or pizza from a box. After a couple weeks of this, my younger brother was the first to protest and demand variety and my dad was quick to support him. That was my first cooking challenge, learning to plan a meal. About that time, mom returned from the hospital and from her bed, began teaching me things like roast beef, fried chicken, stews and all the sides and trimmings. In 1967, I married and my wife designated herself as the cook and this continued until 1999. It was then that I (voluntarily) began cooking again. At some point, I realized that I was having fun and began searching for recipes that were more challenging and interesting. I found AR and used it's recipes for a long time before registering and later becoming an active member.
My favorite things to cook
Soups. How can I go wrong? They are a great way to use up leftovers and those veggies that are approaching the end of their usefulness. They are always an original recipe. Roasts and steaks are favored, also. Getting the right "doneness" and choosing appropriate sides for a tastey and attractive meal is a continuing and always evolving menu.
My favorite family cooking traditions
If creating impulsive menus and recipes is a tradition then, (I guess) we have a tradition. A new tradition is developing. I have a fruitcake recipe that, I believe, is near perfection. I make it just before Thanksgiving so it is aged enough for the Christmas/ New Year holidays.
My cooking triumphs
Without a doubt, my own recipe for a Reuben Sandwich. It has been a demanded item for many years and I shared it in my AR blog.
My cooking tragedies
Too many. I have been able to throw them out and have something new before my wife gets home. Most of the time, anyway.
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