Mother In Law 101! - Two Rock Soup Blog at Allrecipes.com - 315575

Two Rock Soup

Mother In Law 101! 
 
Nov. 20, 2013 6:24 am 
Updated: Nov. 23, 2013 10:02 am
Help... when I was in school , not so many years ago, they did not offer any Mother in law classes!  Well at it this point in my life... I sure could use some etiquette education... Let me explain...

A month ago my son called me and stated that his lovely bride ,Laura, would like to host Thanksgiving at thier house!  I was elated , and honored that the kids are starting thier own Holiday Traditions after only two years of Marraige.. you see the past 5 years they have been together, they have split the holidays between her parent and us! 

As I sat and pondered over what to bring, many, many of my sons favorite Thanksgiving treats came to mind. There is his ... always must have... mom's Cornbread Dressing and gravy, mom's Mac and Cheese,  Jim's Ceasar Salad,  Pumpkin pie and , of course Mom's Chocolate Cake!

In all my upcoming cooking glory I, excitedly call my DIL and give her the list of what I'll be bringing. After hanging up the phone... I felt a unfamiliar Angst in the pit of my stomach... I don't know if you noticed, but It seems I am cooking everything but the Bird!  I feel so bad at this moment and really don't know how to rectify this, after all my Time Machine is in the shop and my Auto correct in the old noggin is on the Fritz again!

I am calling on all my veteran Mother in Laws to come to my rescue... even if you are not a mother in law yet, but had a over the top MIL like myself with no prior experience, do something like this to you... you input would be just as helpful! 

If anyone has a MIL faux paux to share... might make me feel better!  
 
Comments
Paula 
Nov. 20, 2013 7:42 am
While you don't ask for advice, I am going to just jump in with both feet and offer some. Based on my experience as a DIL and as a MIL, I suggest you call and apologize profusely. Beg her forgiveness. Then ask her to let you know how or if you can bring food when she figures out the menu.
 
Nov. 20, 2013 7:54 am
I agree with Paula. Just tell her you got over-excited at the prospect of having that special dinner there. Bet she'll understand.
 
Nov. 20, 2013 7:56 am
I agree with Paula. My MIL always brought the cranberry relish - she and her boys loved it, nobody else really liked it and I had no clue on how to make it. It was a win - win situation. If my MIL told me she was bringing the entire dinner I would have been upset, for sure. Mind you there was the time she offered to bring the turkey and showed up with a frozen bird!
 
Nov. 20, 2013 7:58 am
Thanks Puala!!! Heard loud and clear!!! Maybe I can find a recipe for Humble Pie:((
 
Nov. 20, 2013 8:01 am
Im sure she will Judy! She is an awesome DIL!
 
Nov. 20, 2013 8:04 am
Baking Nana, I never thought of it that way.... time to quite thinking of my son as mommies little boy, ugh! Frozen Turkey.... made me smile! Thanks!!!!
 
Nov. 20, 2013 11:14 am
Mrs J ... I wish that were the case, but no! I clearly was in the wrong here and going to apologize and follow Paula's suggestion! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment!!!! Im definately going to call her tonight!
 
Nov. 20, 2013 3:40 pm
Talked with my dear sweet Laura today! All is fine... she felt I had notoffended her at all. She thanked me for thinking I had! Next time you better believe I'll be a better MIL! I have been blessed with the best two DIL's ever!!! Thanks for all your comments!
 
K-Dub 
Nov. 20, 2013 3:57 pm
At least you realized your excitement, Terry and are willing to call her back!! From a daughter in laws point of view....my husband and I have been married for 2 years and my MIL refuses to budge on ANY holiday. She always want the dinner slot and ain't no way jack I'm allowed to bring anything. God forbid we mess up any of her traditions. And when we don't show up for dinner because we 're spending it with my family, we here from multiple sources later how ungrateful we are! A BIG thumbs up to you for offering to make almost everything (hehe) I'm sure once you call her to explain you gals will have a good laugh! Happy Thanksgiving!
 
Nov. 20, 2013 4:11 pm
I'm a MIL but to a SIL. His family lives nearby and his mom has 3 DIL's. She has all the holidays, but she makes their holiday on the Saturday after the real day - that way each of her boys can enjoy the holidays with their in-law family and then she gets them all to herself the following Saturday. I for one really appreciate that arrangement - it gives me the freedom to do our holiday traditions just like always! The last 2 years my daughter has hosted Christmas Eve at her house and it is becoming a wonderful tradition with everyone meeting up at my house on Christmas Day. When my son came home in July, bringing his girlfriend with him, I had a small taste of what it would be like being a MIL to a daughter - there would definitely be more compromising than there is with SIL's! Sounds like you have a real keeper of a DIL!
 
Nov. 20, 2013 4:44 pm
K-Dub... I was blessed with a great MIL... so I can't imagine what you must be dealing with! She has taught me alot when it comes to being a good one, but she has had 30 plus years of practice! Yes we did kinda chuckle when she said that she was thrilled I offered to help so much! Happy Turkeyday to you too!
 
Nov. 20, 2013 4:51 pm
MA... yes mam there is compromise with a DIL... but the boys and my DIL's make it easy for me! They make sure that Jim and I get equal time!!! Of course I would like every Holiday but every other one is not too shabby! Off the record... how do you like Steves new gal?
 
Nov. 20, 2013 5:30 pm
First let me say I had the world champion MIL. She was terrific, but for sure the matriarch and as such she expected to host all the major holidays. She would call me and her two daughters and ask each of us to bring a specific dish. That was fine for most holidays until we started having children who wanted to be home with their Christmas gifts. So we developed a rotation, which my SILs and I still use along with our oldest daughters. The fact you realized right away that there may have been a faux pas and are willing to rectify it tells me you are going to be a great MIL too.
 
Nov. 20, 2013 5:43 pm
I'm with Paula, I however would not "apologize profusely". how do you know you offended her\him? if you did not offend them you don't have to "apologize profusely". I think a soft apology would do just fine.
 
Nov. 20, 2013 5:54 pm
BSM... My Mil Used to host and expect all of us to be there, but now she is 82 and our family has grown so large and spread out, she gets to choose from invitations of her family to serve her! Thanks! Im certainly gonna strive for the best I can be!!!!
 
Nov. 20, 2013 5:58 pm
King.... thanks for the input! I did appologize humbly, but she didnt think I did anything wrong! She did appreciate that I appologized! I love that girl!
 
Lela 
Nov. 21, 2013 6:31 am
Hi Terry, it sounds like you have everything worked out. My daughter is married and goes to her in laws for Thanksgiving. I talked to my daughter about how she wanted to do Thanksgiving and our arrangement is I have the noon meal and my daughter's in laws have the evening meal on Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is working so far. Now my son is engaged- I will see how it goes with his fiancee.
 
Nov. 21, 2013 7:34 am
Yes Lela ... all is fine in In Law Land! Congrats on the new DIL to be! Having the two boys, its a breath of fresh air having two daughters now.... I mean that literally and figuratively lol!!
 
Nov. 21, 2013 10:22 am
In the meantime, since you seem to get along so well with DIL, tell her that it's OK for her to tell you in the future if you do step on her toes or if she would like your help or advice on something - you know she can either say thanks but no thanks or please help. That way the lines of communication are open and neither one of you has to worry about offending the other. Bet you'll both laugh about this in years to come!
 
Nov. 21, 2013 10:27 am
Janet that is great advice! I think at Thankgiving I may take a walk with both my DIL's and have that talk! I never want to have that worry again! Thanks!!!
 
Nov. 22, 2013 3:23 am
Terry, We really liked his girlfriend, she was a perfect guest and a very nice person. Unfortunately, about a month ago they parted ways. It doesn't sound like they are enemies, just realized they were looking for different things in a relationship: Her - marriage and no dog; Him - Not ready for marriage and loves his dog! My Steve is not ready to settle down - he loves to have fun and wants to experience all the exciting things to do out in the wild, wild west. Some day he'll settle down with that perfect someone.
 
Nov. 22, 2013 6:44 am
As a DIL I can tell you I so badly wanted to have a holiday meal but had to elbow my way in. I had to throw a few hip checks too! I am glad you were receptive to her wanting to host the holiday. You get a hug for that! I also think your excitement to share this holiday and all of your traditions is sweet. However.... you may have bulldozed right over the poor girl! LOL You might call her and explain your enthusiasm and pleasure over coming to their dinner but didn't mean to take over so much. Offer her the opportunity to have the recipes of your traditions so she can choose what to make IF she wants. She may have her own to make and now fear hurting your feelings if she chooses something else. ASK her if there is anything you can bring, how can you help her and absolutely tell her how much you are looking forward to having dinner at their home. The pure fact that you feel something and are considering her feelings lets me to know that you are going to be a wonderful MIL. I hope you all have a great Holiday!
 
Nov. 22, 2013 6:45 am
MA... Smart Boy you raised there!!!!!
 
Nov. 22, 2013 6:48 am
WFD Mom, thanks for the kind words!!! We have talked and worked it out! This MIL gig is on the Job Training for sure! Happy Holidays to you and yours!
 
Nov. 23, 2013 10:02 am
WFD Mom got me to thinking - I guess as a DIL I was very lucky - his family was not real big on tradition and could not have cared less who prepared the meal. In fact I believe my MIL was secretly quite pleased when I said I was having the holiday meal at my house that first Christmas! She didn't have to cook and we no longer had to travel between two houses to see/spend time with family; both sides just came to my house. It became a win/win situation.
 
 
 
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Terry Goff Tripp

Home Town
Walhalla, South Carolina, USA

Member Since
Mar. 2011

Cooking Level
Expert

Cooking Interests
Baking, Frying, Stir Frying, Slow Cooking, Asian, Mexican, Italian, Southern, Healthy, Dessert

Hobbies
Gardening, Hiking/Camping, Camping, Boating, Walking, Fishing, Reading Books, Painting/Drawing, Wine Tasting

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About Me
I was a working mother of 2 boys! I didn't have much time for cooking... now that the boys are grown and on their own... I have been enjoying learning and appreciating the art of cooking. I started with a day of baking with my mother in law and I was hooked! Not to mention my new stepkids... what was two... now is four! Our family is growing we now have a grandson, Damien, and one on the way! My grandson loves his visits with Gramma and Grampa...We spend quality time in the kitchen snd chronical our visits here on AR!
My favorite things to cook
I love to bake! It is my therapy...I love to buy and read all types of recipe books ( call me old fashion ) but it's fun to pick out 1 recipe in a new book and try it the day I get the book!
My favorite family cooking traditions
My husband and I have great times cooking meals together! When the kids come to visit we let them request their menu of choice. Funny twist... my two boys request Jim's culinary feasts... Jim's two request Stepmom's dinner delights! Works out fine at the end of the day!
My cooking triumphs
Check out my pics, the wedding cake? It was my 1st attempt at a wedding cake... can you believe it... I still can't!
My cooking tragedies
so many... hard to pick just one! but isn't that the joy of cooking?
 
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