I have a confession to make. I can’t fry a brown egg. I have fried so many white eggs in my lifetime that I can make them anyway you want them – over easy, over medium, over
hard, sunnyside up or anywhere in between - without even paying attention to the pan. But put a single brown egg in my hands and I am like a golfer with the yips. That golfer is not going to make that putt no matter how close they are to the hole and I am
most certainly going to break that yolk or make that egg look like it wished I was a vegan.
So why can’t I fry a brown egg ? The question has actually kept me awake at night for hours on end. So I have done some extremely non-scientific research into the subject
and these are some of the reasons why I think that it is obviously the brown egg’s fault and NOT MINE.
The shell of a brown egg is thinner thus when I break the egg on the side of the pan or the counter,
the shell shatters thus causing the yolk to get damaged and spill out all over the pan. (I would be more inclined to believe this myself if it hadn’t been for the farm fresh brown eggs we had this past week on vacation that had shells as thick as a brick)
The yolks are thinner and thus more fragile. Just drop the egg from too high into the pan or make
the slightest of off center turns and the yolks go splat and starts leaking out the sides. I am sure it has nothing to do with the theatrical flip that is my signature move that is somewhat reminiscent of the NBA Slam Dunk Contest. (Yolks from Factory Fresh
White Eggs do tend to bounce you know)
The Atmospheric Pressure is higher (or lower as the case may be) by my gas range at home than it
was near the horrible electric stovetop I used while on vacation and that is why my yolks break. (I am sure that the fact that the electric stovetop cooked all eggs to over hard no matter how quickly you flipped them had nothing to do with my one successful
flip at the end of vacation)
It’s all in my head. Nah, that can’t be it.
Or it’s the Great Chicken God of the Kitchen’s way of getting back at me for all of the various hot
sauces I have splashed across my two eggs over easy over the years. I wonder what kind of sacrifice I am going to have make for this transgression ? I wonder if melting habanero pepper jack over the top of your fried eggs is also considered to be a culinary
Whatever the case may be, I am going to have to get past this short order hiccup of mine in the very near future since my lovely wife & equally lovely middle daughter have
declared our house to be Brown Eggs only from now on. I see a lot of last minute fried omelets in my future.
So does anyone else suffer an unexplained affliction in the kitchen like I do with frying Brown Eggs or making crispy Sweet Potato Fries ? (Oh wait, my failure at Sweet Potato
Fries is for another blog at another time – maybe even next time) If I can admit it, so can you.