Dancing With The Stars - Week 5 - Swampy's Kitchen Blog at Allrecipes.com - 233492

Swampy's Kitchen

Dancing with the Stars - Week 5 
Apr. 26, 2011 11:11 am 
Updated: Apr. 30, 2011 9:11 am
Once again we were back in the Why Hasn’t Any Corporation Slapped A Product Placement Name On This Yet Crystal Ballroom. Last night was Guilty Pleasures Night and I do have to give a serious thumbs up to the booking people at ABC. It was pure genius to bring back a grown up HANSON and have them play snippets from bad songs we hate to love at each of the breaks. I wonder how much pride they had to swallow to accept this gig ? Oh and just in case you didn’t know, HANSON has a new album coming out next week. Previous question now answered.

My wife loved Brooke Burke’s shimmery purple sheath last night though she had hoped that it would be short in length. Come to think of it, Brooke tends to go with the formal evening gown length for the performance on Mondays and then goes for a short cocktail dress for the results shows on Tuesday. My wife was non-committal about her hair.

Tom Bergeron wore a suit. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Kirstie Alley – This week Kirstie took on the Maks role and jumped through the air onto the dance floor while tearing off her shirt. No. That didn’t really happen. This is still, for the most part, a family show. Kirstie was dancing a samba tonight and if she could keep up her stamina, it looked to be a good fit for her. She did and it was. Good scores from the judges and the front runner is still safe. As a side note, Maks was clean shaven for the first time all year. Not sure what signal he was trying to send. One other side note, Melissa Gilbert in Kirtsie’s cheering section. Could “Half Pint” be the next nostalgic middle aged we loved her as a kid actress choice next season ?

Romeo – I am still somewhat perplexed as to who is Romeo and why he even begins to classify a “Star” so I went to Wikipedia. It seems that Romeo had to back out of Season 2 back in 2006 when he actually was recording rap albums and having a minor feud with L’il Bow Wow because of an injury so this is his “mulligan” per se. Doesn’t really matter that he hasn’t done anything in the past 3 years because we all know that time means nothing on DWTS. What does matter is the dancing and Romeo styled & profiled around the floor with his partner to the first 10 of the season. I didn’t see the magic but suddenly Romeo is looking like a real challenger, at least from the dancing side of the equation. As a side note, I wonder what Chelsie thought of her kiss from Romeo at the end ?

Chelsea Kane – I won’t take ownership of this line about Chelsea Kane but it was sent to me last week and I almost fell out of my chair laughing when I read it – “Chelsea Kane has the best porn star name for a non porn star that you wish was really a porn star”. Not only is it humorous but it sheds some light onto the viewing & voting public. There are a great deal of young men who won’t admit to watching who are watching Chelsea Kane. She & her partner, Mark Ballas, put on a very acceptable quickstep that was only noteworthy for the twist of Mark’s ankle earlier in the day that almost sidelined them. has the moves & the partner to win it and now she may have the unknown silent voting bloc behind her in addition to playing for the hometown team, Disney.

Chris – Last week Chris climbed to the top rope and landed his finishing move perfectly. This week Chris climbed back up and in mid-air realized the judges weren’t fooled and were waiting for him. While technically he looked good, there was no fire. There was no . There was no Y2J. In an earlier week of the show he would have been able to skate on this one but it’s not earlier in the show and Chris is now seriously in trouble. He has the looks and the demeanor but he doesn’t have the cult following watching & voting for him. He has to have better dance scores to make up for his lack of fan support. And he didn’t get that this week.

Kendra Wilkinson – It was only a matter of time before Louis gave up on trying to get Kendra to develop into a graceful & elegant ballroom dancer. The samba gave him not only the dance for her to shine but also the costume. Fringe on a dancers costume is meant to be there to catch your eye. It’s supposed to distract. It’s movement should be mesmerizing. Kendra’s fringe didn’t exactly move until she started shaking what the Good Lord told the doctor to give her. By then she was strategically placed above Len (and his iPhone) and next to money waving Bruno. The shake at the end reminded me of the final power note that each American Idol singer belts out to try and get you to forget how horrendous the rest of their performance was. Hef & the Bunnies in the Grotto were still going to have to dig deep to get Kendra the votes but if she doesn’t go this week then she has to go next week because there are no more tricks left in that bag.

Hines Ward – Who is picking his dances ? Two weeks in a row he gets to strut & pose his way to triple 9’s. There are still dances he needs to do that will require more footwork than beating a defensive back to the seam in nickel package and I am not sure if Hines can handle those. I did hear that Steeler Nation is exploding his Facebook page each week and we do know that historically NFL players do well. He’s safe for another week.

Ralph Macchio – Last week he was a City Slicker and this week he unveiled the scary face for his paso doble. He even reached back into vault for “Wax On Wax Off” – so anyone who had week 5 in the “How soon does Daniel-San break out a Karate Kid move” in the pool can collect their winnings. It didn’t start out great and then before you knew it, Karina was sprawled out on the floor like she was posing for Playboy (which she recently did). Ralph jumped up – they figured out where they were in the dance and actually got a little better. Now I’m not saying that there is some “homerism” amongst the judges but they know as well as we do that the suits at ABC want Kirstie & Ralph in the finals so their scores & comments reflected the same. Ralph is safe in a week when any other “star” of lesser value would have been sent home.

So who goes home ? We all want Kendra to go home but she shimmied her way into a cushion between herself & Chris Jericho. She needs fan support and will have to hope that Team Playboy doesn’t split their limited votes between her and their newest addition, Karina, and by association, Ralph. is decidedly on the bottom and in my opinion, does not have the fan base to pull him through. It may be time to say goodbye to Y2J.

And in closing, my eyes still hurt from the final screen shot of Bruno in the Elton John video. They do that to us viewers every year and that just isn’t right. They know they shouldn’t do it but they do it anyway.

So come back next time when we discuss whether Kendra Wilkinson is really Bristol Palin in disguise
Apr. 26, 2011 12:45 pm
You nailed it Doug. Good review!!
Apr. 26, 2011 1:01 pm
Yet again you saved me from having to watch myself. Thank goodness for the Doug Blog. By the way, brushing your teeth takes away any hunger pains or thoughts of wanting to eat!
Apr. 26, 2011 1:42 pm
LOL! So glad we have you sacrificing yourself and keeping us posted. I chose wine and Morels at my BIL's instead of watching TV. Cut out pop and sub seltzer(no sodium, sugar or flavor) water which you can flavor yourself.
Apr. 26, 2011 2:47 pm
You got it right about the Steeler Nation backing Hines Ward! Anytime he posts anything on Facebook it is a huge deal. He recently held a raffle, all the proceeds went to his charity, and a local woman won. She and her husband got an all expenses paid trip to a taping of DWTS, and got to hang out with Hines. He posted pics of them all...looked like they had a great time. I thought it was a pretty cool idea. I still haven't watched, and have only seen a couple clips here and there, but I am still rooting for him! Thanks for the update Doug! By the way, does Kendra still have a penchant for botox? Anytime I have ever seen her she can't seem to move her face!!!
Apr. 26, 2011 3:38 pm
HOOOOEEEY!!! You are just spot on there Doug! :D I was laughing me fanny off throughout your entire rundown! I think you have a bright future in the editorial business if your current job doesn't cut it for you any longer! Excellent, Excellent blog Señor Doug....I can not wait for next week's version :)
Apr. 26, 2011 5:08 pm
I thought my eyes would never recover from an earlier appearance Bruno made as cohost of Regis and Kelly. He took a shirtless ride on a horse...enough said...I have determined that my favourite person on DWTS is consistently Tom Bergeron, with whom I think you would get along quite well Doug. I have taken to imagining what he is really thinking as he waits for the over the top standing ovations to stop. Thanks again for your entertaining recaps. I think you are developing a following.
Apr. 26, 2011 5:44 pm
Well - I will give you credit for finding a sure-fire way to lose weight - because if DWTS doesn't make you lose your appetite, I don't know what will. In scrolling through the TV guide last night, I saw that DWTS was on and out of sheer curiosity (and perhaps brain-fade) - and your enlightening blogs - I actually flipped to it for about 5 minutes of excruciating torture. I just happened to tune in to Kirstie Alley and bean-pole man doing something that I didn't know spandex had that much give and take or "stay in" power. Then it was a couple that I believe they said was suppose to be doing the tango - since I have never watched this show - and by the grace of God never will again - I was still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that this "star" was a professional wrestler or football player - can't remember which - but let's pray the NFL lock out ends soon or WW Raw has a tour in Pakistan or somewhere. By this time I was searching for a hot poker to sear out my eyes or at least a double dose of my insomnia medication to make the nightmare go away. I have to hand it to you Doug - I don't know how you do it - to both watch it and critique it - you must have a mind that is a mix between Andy Warhol and "The Far Side" - - a creatively funny genius.
Apr. 26, 2011 9:55 pm
Once again Doug, an ALMOST accurate recap of DWTS. (just funnin' ya!) Kirstie's stamina is improving. I'm about 5 months younger than and I could never make it through one dance. Romero - Totally true.... every week, I make the same comment, "Now, who is this guy?" Chelsea Kane is NOT a porn name, is NOT a porn name, IS NOT A PORN NAME. O.k, it is a porn name. And, thank you very much for that thought that will never leave my brain. Chris Jericho, Paaaaa-leazzzz!!! Will you just shoot me, please. He needs to go. He looks like he's in mortal pain every time he dances. Kendra's attitude is improving, but then she did get to do SEXY this week. NFL player or not, I'm over Hines Ward. Great smile, nice guy, but I'm done. And, Guess what, I won the pool. Ralph did Wax on, Wax off precisely on the night I predicted. (not really) At the end of the day, I'm with your wife. I like to see what Brooke wears each week. And, I'm agree with luv2cook, I was frantically searching for a HOT POKER to stick in my eyeballs when they did the bit on Bruno. OH, Help me get that visual out of my head. Thanks for the blog and allowing me to add my 2 cents. Til next week.
Apr. 26, 2011 9:59 pm
I'm west coast and as I was posting my comment, they voted Chris Jericho off. Whoot! Whoot! It was time for him to go.
Apr. 27, 2011 10:45 am
KENDRA GO HOME !!!!!!!!!! Great blog Doug, keep'em coming!!!
Apr. 27, 2011 2:49 pm
Hey Doug, I'm curious, do you vote for your favorites on DWTS? I'm kind of sorry I missed the "Wax on, wax off" move:) I might (chances are slim but....) watch a few minutes just to see Ralph and Kirstie. And, I'm betting you hit the nail on the head with the Melissa Gilbert prediction; now that I would watch!
Apr. 28, 2011 5:40 am
Kind of got distracted yesterday morning (FIRE !!!) and didn't get a chance to get back to you all on this blog and I do apologize. Now let's get back to the fun.
Apr. 28, 2011 5:41 am
Good morning Dog Fish Head aka Fabius - it's my pleasure to endure your viewing pain for you and thanks for the tip, I am almost hungry enough to eat my toothpaste
Apr. 28, 2011 5:41 am
Hope all is ok at home Doug...that is something I never wish to have to confront.. good to see you and the family are ok.
Apr. 28, 2011 5:42 am
Good morning Cat Hill and thanks - I am even cutting out caffeine
Apr. 28, 2011 5:55 am
Good morning Puck - sorry about your ice chickens last night...Hines is certainly doing everything he needs to win at this point and his partner carried Donny Osmond to the Crystal Ball Trophy so you never know
Apr. 28, 2011 6:15 am
Hey Doug, I quit watching DWTS when they ut Cloris Leechman on there... Didn't know if I could stomach Kirstie. Ya'll enjoy!
Apr. 28, 2011 6:20 am
Good morning Gitano and thanks for checking in on us. The fire was small so it was a great training exercise for all of us. As for DWTS, it helps keep my mind off other things like FOOD.
Apr. 28, 2011 7:41 am
Hi ellie and thanks - Tom Bergeron has one of the best jobs on TV. He gets to make fun of everyone. I did like it when he told ABC, don't let me near Chris Brown because I can't promise to be good so they made him introduce him from the balcony. Come back next week when hopefully we won't get to see Bruno reenact the Royal Wedding.
Apr. 28, 2011 7:42 am
Hi Candice - love your comments - keep them coming - sounds like you don't really like any of the remaining dancers - I just hope we get to rid ourselves of kendra this coming week.
Apr. 28, 2011 7:43 am
Hi dragonfly22 - YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN and thanks - I try.
Apr. 28, 2011 7:45 am
Hi Mangel - I have to admit, I have NEVER voted - well maybe once for Pam Anderson, I think. I feel it is important as a pseudo journalist that I keep my integrity. (you can stop laughing now)
Apr. 28, 2011 7:46 am
Hi Terry - even Cloris strained my ability to watch the show but I felt it much more important for me to try and maintain my professionalism and report the results. (who am I kidding ? I wanted the old bat and her double entendres out of there) - thanks
Apr. 28, 2011 1:34 pm
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! the reference to Pam Anderson....now THAT was funny... :D
Apr. 28, 2011 2:59 pm
in-te-gri-ty...what's that? Wait a minute, could I have lost it along with my mind? And, really, Pam Anderson....what did your wife think of that, I wonder:)
Apr. 30, 2011 9:11 am
I"say" this in the kindest way, Doug, you're a fantastic loon. Love your blogs and posts. Thankfully I don't get any network tv but saw a commercial for DWTS on some cable network (remember when channels only aired commercials for their own shows? Anyway, I'm a big fan of Kirsty who is likely in "real life" annoying but, I'm enjoying her struggles with the rest of us not-so-bikini-bod types. Cloris? Sorry ol' gal but some folks *hello Joan Rivers* need to accept when it's time for the off-camera pasture. Ouch, Wendie not so nice today are ya kid?
Click to Change your Profile Picture
Doug Matthews

Home Town
Princeton, New Jersey, USA
Living In
Mendham, New Jersey, USA

Member Since
Mar. 2000

Cooking Level

Cooking Interests
Baking, Grilling & BBQ, Stir Frying, Slow Cooking, Asian, Mexican, Southern, Healthy, Kids, Quick & Easy

Gardening, Reading Books, Music, Charity Work

Subscribe Today!

In Season

Cool As A Cucumber Salad
Cool As A Cucumber Salad

We have over 100 cucumber salads to help you keep your cool.

Classic Meatloaf
Classic Meatloaf

Meatloaf is the hearty, family-pleasing meal that makes the greatest leftovers ever.

Subscribe Today! Only $7.99
Subscribe Today! Only $7.99

Delicious recipes, party ideas, and cooking tips! Get a year of Allrecipes magazine for $7.99!

About Me
My mother decided early on that her sons would never have to rely on someone to feed them so we all learned to cook at an early age. I really started to branch out when I moved out west to Denver, SF & Dallas. Combine that with extended business travel to Louisiana & my growing love of spices and you get a real mix of flavors.
My favorite things to cook
Love to make cajun food with my favorites being crawfish pie, alligator stew & alligator chili - I go nuts on Super Bowl Sunday
My favorite family cooking traditions
We didn't have a lot of traditions per se but you could count on pancakes or waffles on sundays - dad making scrambled eggs twice a year on christmas morning & mother's day - veal parmagiana on christmas eve, Thanksgiving with Grandma Matthews and any menu of your choice on your birthday. We weren't a spicy family so I learned a lot of good strong basics in the kitchen from Mom that I have carried over into my cooking today.
My cooking triumphs
I love to experiment with variations of dishes I try around the country. My biggest success is here on allrecipes where I had 2 recipes published in the same cookbook - Southwestern Turkey Soup & Curried Carrot Soup. I think my corn muffins are a great starting point and my alligator chili has become a much requested Super Bowl favorite.
My cooking tragedies
There have been a few times in the past where I tossed everything and took everyone to a restaurant instead. I'm not too proud to say my cooking is awful when it really is.
Argentina  |  Australia & New Zealand  |  Brazil  |  Canada  |  China  |  France  |  Germany  |  India  |  Italy  |  Japan  |  Korea  |  Mexico

Netherlands  |  Poland  |  Quebec  |  Russia  |  SE Asia  |  United Kingdom & Ireland  |  United States