Building Bridges - Lost jobs and the art of shopping Blog at - 283273

Lost jobs and the art of shopping

Building Bridges 
Sep. 2, 2012 1:26 pm 
Updated: Sep. 12, 2012 2:08 am

Please forgive me my lamentations for I am old and I have been sidelined by a muscle injury:) (No worries...I will recover) This restriction to my home and the limited focus I have due to medications has lead me to daytime TV and all the disfunction of our society rolled into “Divorce Court” or Judge Judy style shows that seem endless in the circus they call television entertainment. I watch in amazement while families throw out all their dirty laundry with not one thought of what that means for their families and future generations. Only the occasional & blissful nap seems to offer refuge from the insanity that is American TV.

These awful truths, aired to any and all, lead me to believe I was raised in a privileged home. No....NOT the kind of privilege that comes from Ipads and designer duds. I was privileged to have a family who cared about how we acted. They taught us an unlimited amount of manners. I can still hear my Grandma Maggie May advise us that kindness and manners cost nothing. It was therefore expected that we give both freely. As I watch the uncivil and embarrassing behavior of the folks sharing their ugliness on national television, Maggie's lessons take on a whole new meaning. I wonder that without a “Grandma Maggie” and a mom and dad in their lives who taught them how to behave.....are they gainfully employed? Are they able to coexist in a workplace where a certain amount of decorum is demanded? Or is the pay so much better for acting so shameful?

Our life lessons were mostly taught at the kitchen table. (We never had a formal dining room in our lives) There were expectations of respect and civility that would put our new American icons on television to shame. The kitchen table was a place of peace though I do recall some silent resistance to some exotic vegetables ( like broccoli) more than once. In spite of the occasional vegi boycott there was always the expectation of peaceful discourse. My spousal unit and I were raised with those same values, consequently this is a practice we have maintained throughout our long marriage. So as I watch this “social” insanity, I wonder what happened at the tables of those who so freely share anger and hatred and poor manners, as if they are proudly displaying a badge.

Don't get me everyone else we were not the Leave it To Beaver family, but my parents knew they could have taken us to the Cleaver's and not be embarrassed by any poor manners or lack of respect. They also knew that as we gathered the in-laws and the outlaws on the holidays from far and wide there would not be scene from Jerry Springer unfolding EVER. After the big family meals we would make fun of an uncle stirring up the kids with teasing and my “crazy” aunt and her crooked lipstick, but we never shared those things outside of the cocoon of our family and certainly not in any public forum where we could hurt someone important in our lives.

As I watch clips of a seemingly affluent and privileged “lady” turn over a table while dining with friends and family I wonder how many tables were tossed and by which family member as she grew up to be an “adult”. I wonder too how her children will act when frustrated by life. I do know that this person is no one I would like to break bread with...cuz she might also break my furniture and disturb the peace in our sanctuary called home. Sadly, she is making money from this horrible behavior and probably constantly being asked for autographs from her millions of admiring fans.

My husband has been a public school teacher for 30+ years and he wonders openly too. Why does he have to teach 13 year olds' to say please and thank you? Why are so many children coming to school so dirty that it can water your eyes to be near them? He wonders why so many children have not been taught some self reliance, responsibility  and respect for others as they figure out their place in society. He is still constantly astounded at the sharing of all kinds of horrible or embarrassing personal information openly by many of his charges. Is there no one at home who takes the time to teach basic manners? Is it the Jerry Springer duelers who sent a child to school who constantly acts out himself? Do these children sit at a table with their family and share a common meal with the very people who are “responsible” for teaching them the basics such as hand washing? Where are the adults who should be teaching table manners that do not include open displays of chewed food and all manner of gaseous dysfunction? Oops....I think I just saw their parents beating up another “adult” on TV with reckless abandon and pride.

I know I am going to sound like some cranky old curmugeon, but this injury and the resulting exposure to unfocused and ugly daily television can make one feel that way. I know that not all folks act so disgracefully. I know that there are mostly sweet and respectful and well mannered children. I know from my encounters here on AllRecipes, that most of the folks who drop in to the virtual kitchen are not the kind of folks who I would need to worry about tossing my dining table like it's an Olympic event. I know that so many here share the same goodness that was taught in my home. I have had the pleasure of meeting so many of the AllRecipeeps in person with nary a tossed table or forced belch between us. Their kindness and helpfulness astounds me in a world that sometimes seems to have lost those life lessons.

I will now step carefully off my soap box. (ouch) I will soon return to the business of every day living without the distraction of freak TV. I will glory in the goodness and love of all the good that comes into my life daily and continue to spread that love liberally. I thank you for all the decency and goodness you spread in our world. Now carry on :)

Mauigirl Ulupalakua Ranch Store Upcountry is one of my favorite places on da island. Maui no ka oi
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Hence the screen name :)
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Sep. 2, 2012 2:05 pm
here,here!!!!!!!!!!!! wonderful- i thought i was the only person with thesefeelings- it's great to know there is another out there that "sees the real world"- love your blog!!-judy-
Sep. 2, 2012 2:07 pm
Thank you nanny129. I was worried it was going to sound too cranky...but I am kinda feeling a bit that way while I mend and I swear the TV is OFF today!
Sep. 2, 2012 2:09 pm
funny- i just came back to say- NOT CRANKY at all- just calling it the way you see it (the way it is) - get well soon mauigirl- grab a book:-)-judy-
Sep. 2, 2012 2:14 pm
I think I am almost to "book" stage. Having trouble concentrating with the medication. I see clarity in my future though:)
Sep. 2, 2012 2:15 pm
The two little ones I am privileged to care for were being raised in exactly that sort of home and it made me so sick with worry that I simply had to do something. Luckily after spending at least weekends and then progressively more time with me, they chose to live with me where, in their words, they "feel safe" and are loved and secure. Their welfare is put first. We practice manners and also their language usage gets corrected just as mine did while I was growing up. That's another pet peeve of mine. When did the past form of first person to see become seen ie "I seen"? I have complete sympathy and respect for those for whom English is not their first language. I lived in The Netherlands and ma sure I butchered Dutch with abandon. But people who were born in The United States should learn to speak English correctly and should care enough to do so. OK, I'll stop now and gingerly step off my soap box.
Sep. 2, 2012 2:16 pm
and Julie is can see the future too:-)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!begin withthe crosswords-lol
Sep. 2, 2012 2:18 pm
I totally, wholeheartedly agree with you on every point. I can't stand to watch reality tv, talk shows, game shows. What a waste of time. I've watched bits here and there and I don't believe half of what I see. As for manners, I've tried to instill some sense of manners in my children and grand children but everyone seems to take what they want and leave the rest behind. We do what we can and hopefully we'll leave the world in a little better place than before we came.
Sep. 2, 2012 2:19 pm
forget those shows and watch espn! too much on to watch trash. the wife taught 23 yrs and tried her best to instill values that may not have been taught at home. so many single family homes here. very sad! you have a good point, i wish there was an easy answer!
Sep. 2, 2012 2:24 pm
Brilliant, Julie! Your blog sums it all up! It's not only distasteful for such things to be broadcast (for profit), but it is embarassing. I was brought up like you were and this is just ridiculious! I think what bothers me the most is some people actually admire this behavior! It boggles my mind!
Sep. 2, 2012 2:39 pm
Janet7th. Thank you for taking care of those precious girls. Your influence alone will change their lives forever. BTW Please don't judge my English....I have become a little too lazy :)
Sep. 2, 2012 2:44 pm
Civility is getting harder and harder to find, isn't it!?! I'm always amazed at what TV has come to. I do think that each generation has said this about the younger ones coming up, but what lies ahead? We can only take care of our little corner! Thanks, mauigirl! Food for thought!
Sep. 2, 2012 2:44 pm
ibbz....I have always been one tough taskmaster and the kids in my life know that I don't suffer poor manners under any circumstances. My nephew (who adores me) once had his hat swiftly removed by this ninja auntie at the dining table. He still laughs about it.
Sep. 2, 2012 2:44 pm
Amen sister. My DH and I were having lunch in a buffet restaurant on Thursday and unfortunately sat down in close proximity next to a couple with their young child (I'm guessing she was 4). The child immediately took great interest in us and loudly asked her mother twice if I was a man (not good for the ego). The mother totally ignored her. Then when she had the chance, she got up from the table and stood right up next to me and stared. It took a long time for the mother to say something to her. I was at a total loss.
Sep. 2, 2012 2:46 pm
Bravo! I gave up commercial TV many years ago. This is exactly what gives Americans a nasty reputation worldwide. So easy to label us all rude and uneducated. I prefer to learn something from my TV viewing. It is AMAZING what people can do! Get Well Soon!!!! XOXOXOXO
Sep. 2, 2012 2:46 pm
Well, obviously your meds haven't messed with your mind, girl! Well done. Somewhere along the line you were taught how to write, too! As someone (who shall remain nameless) once said, "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things", not the drivel that passes for entertainment these days!
Sep. 2, 2012 2:47 pm sound like my bro. He lives and breathes nascar TV. BTW Tell Claire thank you for making a difference in so many lives. Unlike so many, I LOVE & RESPECT teachers! (just as my parents taught me)
Sep. 2, 2012 2:51 pm
tracey hubby is always disturbed to read many "my hero" writing assignments adoring Kim Kardashian or Snooky. ARGH! BTW glad someone thinks I am brilliant:)
Sep. 2, 2012 2:56 pm
Marianne...the civility seems to be lacking in not only daytime TV but also the political arena. I was brought up on politics, but there was ALWAYS civilized discussion there too.
Sep. 2, 2012 3:01 pm
MG: Sorry to hear you are having health problems. I hope that you heal quickly. Meanwhile, do yourself a favor. Turn off the "idiot box." It's only adding to your frustration. There's very little on it worth watching. It's my opinion that our society is headed down a very dangerous spiral. Hang on because we're going for a ride. And by the way, you are not old.
Sep. 2, 2012 3:03 pm
mauigirl,you are so right about these things.We were also raised as you,we raised our girls the same way,and we are very proud of them and all they do.You do not sound cranky,you spoke your mind, that's all,have to agree about the tv,sure glad i love to read.You take care.
Sep. 2, 2012 3:03 pm
Maridele, That is a horrible story. Don't get me started on how folks let kids act in restaurants and other public places with their lament that "they are JUST kids after all". Our son learned restaurant/shopping manners early on. If he acted up, he was removed from the scene immediately. (just like we were raised) He learned very quickly that he would miss out on all the fun if he caused ANY problems....and he was always welcome where he went.
Sep. 2, 2012 3:04 pm
ladysparkle, you are much wiser than moi:)
Sep. 2, 2012 3:06 pm
Bibi...I always admire your optimism!
Sep. 2, 2012 3:07 pm
bikerfamily, Thanks for the well wishes. I know you are probably right but I will be hanging on with claws extended to avoid the hell in a hand basket :)
Sep. 2, 2012 3:09 pm
Manella, Thanks for doing your job as a parent. It is a tough one but rewarding in the long run when you do it the responsible way.
Sep. 2, 2012 3:43 pm
Dear Julie, I'm so happy to read that you're feeling well enough to blog. Many well wishes for an even speady recovery! You know that I am in your corner with each and every word you've written. You and I have had this discussion, particularly in regards to politics. The breakdown of civility and respect in our society makes some among us, slightly higher on the food chain than an amoeba! My latest pet peeve is the answer "Sure" when asked if the person would like something, etc. "Sure"?! How about, "Yes, thank you"? Keep it flying, Girlfriend!
Sep. 2, 2012 3:44 pm
Sep. 2, 2012 3:46 pm
I agree with you, totally. Not only are people not taking responsibility for their own actions or for teaching their kids, the tv itself is probably the largest contribution to cultural decay. People underestimate its influence.
Sep. 2, 2012 3:50 pm
Thanks Cathy AKA new ALLSTAR! Miss you kid!
Sep. 2, 2012 3:51 pm
Greengirl it is comforting to know that I am not the only one to feel this way.
Sep. 2, 2012 3:53 pm said it kid! Turn off the TV's folks!!!! And for god's sake don't use the TV for a babysitter.
Sep. 2, 2012 4:48 pm
Cheers, Mauigirl! This is the reason the TV is not on during the day - at night NB Papa usually watches what we wants not when the kids are here it isn't the TV that keeps them occupied. Sadly, these 'shows' are considered 'normal' rather than abnormal freak shows. Sad but true.
Sep. 2, 2012 5:30 pm
Baking Nana, Your grandkids are lucky they have a solid foundation and a sense of normalcy to come home to. I know they will forever cherish your time together :)
Sep. 2, 2012 6:21 pm
oh, where to start?? My husband taught Middle School for about 35 years and still subs... I seriously think that sometimes our 2 Greyhounds have more manners than some people do. Our own kids certainly knew boundaries, and we could take them out to a restaurant or other public places. I think some of these children are just tired. They go to daycare or school and then the parents pick them up after 5 and take them along to do errands, and so many of them are eating out or taking fast food home at 7pm. So hard on working parents, and I do understand that it is a busy world, but WOW, please, thank you, stop doing that..... do they not have any boundaries/ rules to which to adhere? I think our politicians contribute to the no-courtesy and no respect atmosphere. I seriously think they have a HUGE responsibility that they are NOT doing and letting us down in this regard. They have become the real bullies in the grown up world, and kids see and hear that. When I grew up, if the teacher said I didn't turn in my homework, my parents asked for an explanation because I was letting them and my teacher down. That was my job, how could I not complete it? Now, the parents TELL the teachers when they feel homework is inconvenient because their child is so busy.... what are we teaching them?? I often wonder what kind of people we are raising to join the work force. I am glad I am retired. Good topic!!!! Thanks for sharing! BTW, I have found The Waltons on in the afternoons on Hallmark if I am in the house on a rainy day!!!!!
Sep. 2, 2012 6:49 pm
Jerry Springer 20th Anniversary, He would not be on if no one watched him (I don't) I guess someone else does.
Sep. 2, 2012 7:04 pm
chris k. My husband says he would be rich if he had a dollar for every time a parent said "well what am I supposed to do...I can't handle him/her". Or...he has a grudge or personality conflict with their child. First of all, if a parent can't handle their own child how do they expect a teacher to with 45 kids in the room. As far as personality conflicts.....that is called life. We have all had bosses or co workers we didn't admire, but my folks told me that getting along in school was key to learning to get along in my personal and work life. As far as tired parents.....been there , done that. We had our little guy while we were young and had to put ourselves through college getting by for many years with two or three jobs at a time. We still sat down to dinner together at the table most nights. Though very young, we took parenting VERY seriously. After all, we were his parents not his buddies.
Sep. 2, 2012 7:11 pm
OMG KingSparta...20 years!? Luckily I have only seen clips of that trash :(
Sep. 2, 2012 7:12 pm
chris k forgot to say Good night John Boy :)
Sep. 2, 2012 8:01 pm
Wow Julie, pretty D@mb eloquent for someone in Pain! I do admit that I. may have gone by The Honey boo boo show, its a guilty pleasure, like looking at an accident on the freeway. All I have to say is THANK GOD THEY DON'T LIVE NEAR ME!! ORG:(
Sep. 2, 2012 11:40 pm
Patty Cakes...Our son clued me in on the trashy boo boo show. What people will do for money! Even worse, they have their kids right in the middle of this garbage
Sep. 3, 2012 4:05 am
When I picked up my child from school one day, one of the other moms complained to me that "they aren't even teaching them decent manners anymore". When I told her the kids are supposed to come from home with manners, she looked at me like I was crazy!!! I wholeheartedly agree with everything everyone else has said. The world certainly has changed since we were brought up and not for the better. What happened? We can't even have a civil discussion and disagree with each other without labeling the other person a whacko, a rightwing or leftwing nut, or an idiot, all because we hold a differing opinion. When did it become ok to let a child be the parent instead of the child? Parents are parents and have a job to do in teaching their children to be decent, kind, responsible and respectful. It takes all kinds to make world, but we won't have much of a world if we don't treat each other nicely. I get really angry when I think of the way things are going and what our society has become. Why is it so hard to be nice to each other? It should be as natural as breathing. I'd better stop now while I'm ahead and say feel better soon, Mauigirl!
Sep. 3, 2012 5:18 am
Sugarnspice, You are so correct. I personally think that many in the various political parties love to divide us using red herring topics so that we cannot have a civilized dialogue and realize we are all mostly on the same page :) I also think they love an uneducated populace so they can be even more crafty in their political campaigns:(
Sep. 3, 2012 5:43 am
We don't value education in this country anymore and that, in my opinion, is a major reason our society is in decline. To understand where I'm coming from, people should remember two things: 1. It is the same kind of societal behavior we see today that caused past civilizations to fall (the Roman Empire and pre-WWI Germany). 2. It is through keeping their people uneducated that past and present dictators were/are able to totally control their people (think parts of the Middle East). If people would turn off the Jerry Springers of the world and the rest of the garbage that passes for "entertainment" these days, and go back to the basics of humanity, we would all benefit.
Sep. 3, 2012 5:51 am
If people want real power, forget about money and fame, get an education! That doesn't mean everyone has to go to college, but be informed through newspapers, the internet, books, etc. Yes, you need money to support yourself, but what good is all the money in the world if you don't have enough knowledge to be active participants in your world?
Sep. 3, 2012 6:49 am
I was so glad to see you felt up to blogging dear. Your blog reminds me of something another friend said to me about Facebook, "do you really want 500 of your "closest" friends to know that?". Manners are free but they do seem hard to come by and it isn't the public school that needs to teach them. As a parent, I always thought my job was to teach my child how to act when I wasn't around to correct him.
Sep. 3, 2012 6:49 am
What a great influence television and advertising are on our lives! I think so much discontent has been created by the programs and the constant ads telling us what we must have to live a better life. So very sad.
Sep. 3, 2012 6:50 am
Mauigirl, I am going to put a picture on my personal photo page here in a couple of minutes for you to view. ;-)
Sep. 3, 2012 7:07 am
MauiGirl-I taught 37 years and I spent time teaching basic manners in school. Some kids come to school without learning basic manners. A lot of the children sat in front of the T.V. eating instead of eating at a dinner table. It broke my heart when I had to ask the principal to contact social services to investigate a child's parents who didn't come home all night. Get well soon, MauiGirl!
Sep. 3, 2012 7:13 am
You are absolutely right sugarnspice. There is very little appreciation for the privilege of an education. Sadly these kids (and their parents) don't realize how important that education is until it is too late. Wake up folks.....academics are essential to success.
Sep. 3, 2012 7:15 am hit the nail on the head. Our job is to teach our children how to behave when we are NOT there to watch :)
Sep. 3, 2012 7:16 am
Thanks Lela.....teachers are a treasure!
Sep. 3, 2012 9:38 am
Indiana Peggy....Still looking for that photo kid!
Sep. 3, 2012 10:12 am
So glad you're felling better Julie. It's so interesting what's on television during the day, isn't it? What bothers me most our tv watching is that is seems that most folks form their opinions around what they watch. What happened to "critical thinking?" What's that saying, "You Are What You Eat." Our tv does not come on until evening. Reading is almost a lost art and I encourage you to find a good book to read as you recover.
Sep. 3, 2012 10:13 am
most "about" tv watching.....
Sep. 3, 2012 12:38 pm
I am reading again. I was just in a pharmaceutical stupor for several days and it really got to me. Usually the only thing I watch is HGTV
Sep. 3, 2012 1:17 pm
Too true, Candice, about people forming their opinions based on what they see on TV. I read that most young people get their "news" from watching Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert!!! Don't they realize these guys are putting on a show and aren't serious? Hubby says the these same young people are going to be the ones in charge when we're old, and that's a truly scary thought!
Sep. 3, 2012 1:18 pm
Oops, that should be "these same young people".
Sep. 3, 2012 2:21 pm
AR has approved the Maui photos I posted...did not realize it was not an instant thing. Can you see them now?
Sep. 3, 2012 3:10 pm
OK Peggy...Are you trying to pick up my boyfriend at the Tedeschi Winery LOL I have a pic with my drinking partner there too LOL!!!
Sep. 3, 2012 3:14 pm
sugarnspice, If it is any consolation, they said the exact same thing about Will Rodgers back in the day. Politics has made great satire for centuries :) I am more concerned about the TV personalities who share untruths and stir passion on both sides over untruths. We don't have time for any lies or untruths if we want to bring this country back to her rightful glory:)
Sep. 3, 2012 3:42 pm
YOUR boyfriend??? He's a two-timer!!
Sep. 3, 2012 4:11 pm
My advice for a speedier recovery is turn off the TV! Daytime TV is a wasteland and nighttime TV is worse. I was raised the same way you were and repeated the process with my children. I did notice my "spousal unit" undercutting me when I harped on manners and quickly put him straight. His mother was a lovely woman, and she tried her best, but while he knew how to behave properly it wasn't ingrained. I see the same thing with my grands. My DIL is attentive and generally a good mother, but she has poor manners and isn't able to pass them on to my granddaughters. My son infuriates me with his passivity. When the girls are with me, we act like well-bred ladies. If that sounds pompous so what? Feel better soon!
Sep. 3, 2012 4:37 pm
You're absolutely right in saying we need to get back on track as a country and, while everyone is entitled to his opinion, I think TV personalities, exactly because they're high profile, have an obligation to the public, that involves NOT telling lies and untruths to sway or divide. A house divided etc. etc. etc. On the lighter side, we love political satire, but never watch it on TV. Have you ever heard of The Capitol Steps? They're a group of now former Hill employees that were so successful putting on comedy skits for holiday programs at work that they took their act on the road. They're hysterical :D If you ever get a chance to catch them, go!
Sep. 3, 2012 7:06 pm
I just now noticed that yours is the top blog, so I came over to read and totally agree with you and so many others who have already responded. Get well, Sweet Lady!
Sep. 4, 2012 12:21 am
Indiana Peggy, I should have known that any dude who hangs out at a winery was a no good son of a gun :) BTW I will post "our" pic later today.
Sep. 4, 2012 12:23 am
Big Shot's Mom, Glad to hear you are keeping the "little shots" in line. Kids need all the help they can get with manners these days.
Sep. 4, 2012 12:26 am
Sugarnspice, We have been lucky enough to attend the a show by the "capitol Steps" at our performing arts center. They are too much fun!
Sep. 4, 2012 12:28 am
Paula, Thanks so much kid. Having a ROUGH night :(
Sep. 4, 2012 4:38 am
Glad you’re healing up and I’m sure glad you wrote this blog! Of course, I feel the same way that you do, and manners and children’s behavior is a pet peeve of mine as well. I have lots of theories about social decay but I am convinced this adult obsession with their cell phones is a large part of it. Last week when I was picking up my daughter after marching band practice, I witnessed an interchange, or lack there of, between a waiting father and his preschool daughter. I was parked directly next to a car with the father at the wheel, and an adorable little curly headed girl in a car seat in the back. She was dressed in full dress-up attire, including a sparkling wand. We waited a little over 20 minutes for our students to be released from band so I had plenty of time to observe what was going on around me. This father sat at the wheel with his head down, texting or playing games, checking email…whatever, while this little girl valiantly vied for his attention. She was chattering away, kicking her legs, trying to touch his shoulder. He never once turned toward her, though I did see him glance in the rear view mirror a few times. For a while she just stared vacantly out the window, then she spotted me. I smiled at her and waved and she lit up. She gave up on her father and entertained me for a while; the father never even seemed to notice! A friend walked up to my car to chat and when I looked back over at the girl she was frantically kicking the back of her dad’s seat. She swatted him in the head with her wand and of course then, she got some sort of reaction from him, I could only tell that he was yelling at her. This entire exchange broke my heart and I was teary eyed. I had to stop watching. Finally the kids were released and I did see that when this man’s teenage son approached his car and got in, there didn’t appear to be a word spoken between them, much less an acknowledgement between the two. And sadly, the boy didn’t even turn around to greet his sister. I don’t see how a parent can make their phone an apparent higher priority than their child.
Sep. 4, 2012 4:41 am
Sorry so long winded, but you really struck a chord with more thing that breaks my heart is seeing a little one in a grocery cart with the mother pushing him along, gathering groceries as she furiously texts away on her phone. This is the perfect opportunity to teach your child colors, vocabulary, and yes..of course, manners! Instead I frequently see the child just staring off in to space, or worse..already obsessed with his own electronic device!
Sep. 4, 2012 5:56 am
mauigirl, I think Wyattdogster really nailed it too. If parents aren't interested in their kids and what they are doing who will be?
Sep. 4, 2012 7:11 am
I disagree with your opening line! I've had the great opportunity to meet you in person and you are far from old. Great blog young lady. Get well soon. We plan to visit Summerlin at the end of Sept.
Sep. 4, 2012 7:46 am
You should write this as a "letter to the editor" - but those who would probably read it already know the value of a good upbringing! Hopefully, there will be a turnaround in our behaviors and the old-fashioned style of child-rearing will return while someone remembers how to do it!
Sep. 4, 2012 7:46 am
...and, I'm the old one here, not you! LOL
Sep. 4, 2012 10:12 am
Julie - I have only 2 words to add to your blog . . . AMEN SISTER, AMEN!!!!
Sep. 4, 2012 10:59 am
I don't think you're curmudgeonly - I'm a 30-something (so, OK, not super young, but also not yet middle-aged) and I found your comments thoughtful and well-said. I think the correlation you draw between how family members treat each other at the dinner table and how they act in public is insightful. It made me pause to consider the expectations I would have for my own family someday. Thanks for posting. I'm going to share this with friends.
Sep. 4, 2012 3:50 pm
And now you've discovered why, when I have a chance to watch television during the day, I choose to watch the TV Food Network almost exclusively. I completely agree with you. It astounds me when perfect strangers come up to me in the store and compliment me on how polite my children are, simply because they've said "Excuse me" when passing or if they accidentally bump into someone. It's so sad that common courtesy and manners are swiftly becoming antiques.
Sep. 4, 2012 6:15 pm
wyattdogster, this one's for you kid!
Sep. 4, 2012 6:33 pm
Awww, her! And why am I all choked up over this? I wanted every single person to look up and wave to her! I could watch her for a very long time.
Sep. 4, 2012 6:52 pm
midwestchef....My husband is frightened by the prospect of it all going way too far before it can be corrected. Most children do NOT come to school ready to learn from happy homes who teach discipline and the value of an education. He also says that if he had a buck for every time a kid threatened to kick his b@tt or the parents threatening the same....we would be rich. Why would anyone expect a good learning environment when this is tolerated and parents continually blame "disabilities" for horrible behavior? God forbid that they take responsibility for their kids' behavior.
Sep. 4, 2012 7:00 pm
bd weld..I can't wait to see you two...and I am older than dirt.
Sep. 4, 2012 7:02 pm
I felt the same way wyattdogster. Is she the most precious and refreshing display of unbridled kindness? Love her and I wanted to pop the folks who ignored her in the noggin as a wake-up call :(
Sep. 4, 2012 7:03 pm
luv2cook, it is encouraging to realize that folks like you still exist:)
Sep. 4, 2012 7:13 pm
Golightly,My husband says that most kids tell him that they all fix their own foods eating at different times and frequently eating in front of a tv. No wonder the families are NOT communicating. I can tell that at such a young age, you have it figured out.
Sep. 4, 2012 7:14 pm
Keri...God bless you but if I watched the Food Network all day, I would weigh 500 lbs :)
Sep. 5, 2012 12:27 am
Heya MauiGirl :D Logged back onto AR after quite a while and am so thrilled to find your post topping 'em all. I so SO agree with you. I don't understand how people have no qualms in washing their dirty linen in public. So, like you said, that makes me think and wonder about their upbringing and the values that have been instilled in them! I remember being 10/11 and telling my parents that all my friends got to come home from school and plonk themselves in front of the TV with their lunch/dinner ... My parents wouldn't hear of it. Meal-time is family-time they'd say...and still do. And in a couple of years, I learnt to appreciate and love it. We'd have lots of fun conversations and tales to share, with everyone listening to everybody and no TV/iPhone/iPod interfering in our time with each other! This also brings me to another issue ... as y'know I've had to leave home to an entirely new place 'coz I'm pursuing my post-grad. And I was shocked to find that people here have no hesitation in even brushing their teeth over the kitchen sink!! Not only was I disgusted ('coz the kitchen sink even had dishes waiting to be rinsed)but it made me wonder what their parents/mums taught them when they were growing up! I come from a family where the ladies treasured their kitchens and made it a haven to be proud of! Haha I'm ranting a bit now...this topic is very pertinent in today's world ...But what I do promise myself always is that when I do have a family of my own, I will ensure that my kids are instilled with the values I was brought up with ...I only wish there'd be more who thought like me, perhaps then together we could change things around ... at least a teeny tiny bit! Much love to you! I'll be back here more regularly very soon!
Sep. 5, 2012 12:30 am
P.S: I got so carried away, I forgot to ask -- how did you injure yourself? Glad to hear you're healing well -- hope to get fighting-fit soon! Luvya! =D
Sep. 5, 2012 4:37 am
Awwww, Mauigirl, that is the cutest video I've ever seen, and Chloe is adorable! On the rare occasions a young boy opens the door for me at the mall or store, I always make a big deal out of thanking him and telling him what a gentleman he is, not only becuse I appreciate him doing it, but to reinforce what his parents are teaching him and to let him know people really do notice manners. Thank you for sharing the made my day!
Sep. 5, 2012 5:13 am is so nice to see you kid! It sounds like you were raised in my household :) I so hope that one day we can break bread together. I am hosting an AllRecipes roundup on Maui in Oct 2013. I will post a link to my facebook page with the info. Is there ANY chance you could come? I promise you would have a blast and I would love to give you the biggest Maui hug :)
Sep. 5, 2012 5:15 am Anyone and everyone is invited. It is a private group so please request using you AllRecipes screen name. Maui no ka oi!
Sep. 5, 2012 5:24 am
Sugarnspice, That is awesome. I try to do the same. I try to stop by a table to praise well mannered kids to encourage them and their terrific parents for the commitment to parenting. I have noticed so many parents using PED's to entertain their children while they dine in peace...but I think that is sad too. It smacks of sitting down for a meal with one of my loved ones and they pick up a paper to read when we should be sharing this time together. BTW Sparky would never even dream of it LOL!
Sep. 5, 2012 5:29 am
ri2, Almost forgot....I had an almost fall at a big box hardware store (due to water left on the floor in front of the cashier stand) Argh! I suffered two tiny muscle tears in my groing and in my bum. I can't believe that such a "small" injury could hurt so darned bad :(
Sep. 5, 2012 6:38 am
I recently attended the AllRecipes 15th birthday party and one of my fellow AllStars brought her little one along. Let me tell you, MySweetCreations & her hubby have done a marvelous job with their little girl. She was the most precious and sweet little thing EVER. Wyattdogster and Marion Myers and a few more brought their daughters too and it was so apparent that they have done a fabulous job raising great kids. Maybe that is why they are AllStars LOL. I celebrate your parenting success!
Sep. 5, 2012 9:20 am
You speak the truth girl!! and thank you for your kind words about my sweet girl, Julie! I completely agree with you! It is difficult to watch reality TV, and I, too, feel that the decline in family dinners contributes to these behaviors. Family meals have always been important in our house. They still are even so our daughter is in college. When she is home on break from school she always makes time to be home for family dinner (without even being told to - warms my heart that she is making time for it because she wants to!). When she was growing up I could always tell which of her friends did not have the pleasure of family meals. They had the worst table manners. we used to play a game at mealtime called 'pass the piggy'. We had a stuffed piggy and if someone was displaying poor table manners they would get the pig. The one left holding the pig at the end of the meal had to do the dishes! It worked well and made it kind of fun when her friends were over. Daddy always seemed to end up with the pig, but the message got across to the kids!
J. Dub 
Sep. 5, 2012 10:31 am
Oh Mauigirl! You have no idea how this blog hits home for me. I was raised in a home where private matters were kept private. Disagreements were dealt with quickly and quietly. Home was a safe place. Unfortunately my husband's Mother wasn't raised this way. We've been dealing with her airing family dirty laundry all over facebook even after a gentle request for her to stop. It really is a hurtful thing. We got rid of our tv cable provider 2 years ago and we haven't looked back since. Maybe I'm worried that some day I'll turn on the tv and certain family members will be on there beating each other up. Haha! Thanks for the great blog.
Sep. 5, 2012 11:39 am
marion myers....I LOVE the pass the pig tradition. What a funny way to teach manners:) You are indeed lucky that your kidlet still wants to share those meals with you :)
Sep. 5, 2012 11:44 am
J.Dub, I am so sorry that this touches a sore spot with the "outlaws". Thank god you can start new traditions and sensibilities you learned from your parents. Take care kid!
Sep. 5, 2012 1:37 pm
Thank you Julie! Great post from a like minded person...I agree with you.
Sep. 5, 2012 3:48 pm is apparent that you two are doing a great job at parenting. Little Creation was the star of the birthday party :)
Sep. 5, 2012 5:30 pm
Wonderful blog Julie and I wholeheartedly agree with you. My husband gets a kick out of what I call “sh*t shows”. I can hardly stand them and WILL NOT watch them. There is enough stress and drama in this world on a daily basis that I do not need to subject myself to anymore. I feel the same way as your husband in that it may be too late to turn the world around into a respectful environment. Which also makes me wonder – what will our future generations be like? And I agree with the cellphone issue also. It saddens me that when I am at a family get-together with people I love that it is more important to them to be on their cellphones texting or Facebooking. It makes me second guess being around them. Sad, right? Modern technology, from bad TV to internet on the go, is interfering with so many things on so many levels that I won’t even go there. When I received the invitation to go to Seattle for Allrecipes 15th Birthday Celebration I was excited, scared and nervous at the same time. I was afraid of the unknown – the place (so far away from home) and the people (strangers to me). But once I arrived and saw what an awesome city Seattle is and what awesome people we have here at Allrecipes and all the Allstars it was very heartwarming. It was very nice to see that there are still good friendly warm welcoming people in this world and you are one of those people. You are very kind hearted and open your arms and heart to everyone around you. I was very touched how you and many others welcomed my family and myself by including us in your adventures. I will never forget that. I also witnessed your genuine concern for a complete stranger in the streets of Seattle who had previously injured herself in a biking accident. Thinking about it now could bring tears to my eyes. The upbringing your parents and Grandma Maggie taught you shines through brilliantly. We need many more people like this in the world. All we can do is set examples for our future generations.
Sep. 5, 2012 6:06 pm
KGora, Thanks so much for the kind and generous words. I am deeply touched that I made a difference in your visit to Seattle. You and your family are a great example of what families should be. Your mama raised you well and you raised her well too LOL!
Sep. 5, 2012 7:57 pm
I so agree with everyone that has posted here. I believe that what is lacking nowadays is a lack of respect. Now I know that I am for sure older than you Mauigirl, lol but I was taught respect from a very early age. You respected your parents and grandparents, you respected your teachers, you respected the next door neighbor, and any other person that you may have come in contact with at some time in the day, and yes you respected your children too. When a person that was older than you told you to do something then you did it (assuming that it wasn't a bad thing, and of course you knew that because your parents had taught you that). You did not talk back because it was disrespectful. You also respected yourself. You had pride in everything that you do/did and were praised for your accomplishments. Parents need to get back to teaching their children respect, for themselves, their parents, teachers, whoever they come in contact with. Parents should turn off the TV, talk to their children, do things with their children otherwise why did you have those children in the first place. I could go on for hours, but I had better stop. Great blog.
Sep. 6, 2012 12:33 am
PelicanGal, I think you hit the nail on the head. Just those values could bring us back from the edge. Thanks for some common sense in this ever crazy world we live in.
Sep. 6, 2012 4:31 am
I'm just stopping in on my way to checking the weather for a trip, but had to say that I couldn't agree more. What is scarier to me than that some people behave in this manner is that apparently enough other people want to watch; find the behavior entertaining enough that the shows are multiplying and finding sponsors.
J. Dub 
Sep. 6, 2012 8:21 am
Mauigirl, you're totally right (regarding your response to my post). Our home is a safe place for my family. I want my son to always know that Mom and Dad are always here for him no matter what. We might not be happy with something he's done, but he can always come to us first if something is wrong and we'll try to help him. Starting anew is a blessing.
Sep. 6, 2012 7:34 pm
Amen J.Dub
Sep. 7, 2012 10:14 am
Hey Kid! Jerry lost my attention about 19 years ago-it was too bizzare then, would hate to see how it is now. I do not watch soaps, talk shows nor doctor shows, I don't do FB, twitter or pin. Not enough time and too much BS out there. Grab a book, take a friends kid to the park, or just get outside when you feel better yourself. Try a craft or learn to knit/crochet....or get your arse up here and help me harvest some of this garden. I am skeered to go into the garden right now-I could get lost and no one would know I am missing until someone got hungry. Pretty fall colours are coming soon and a walk in the world is a great way to pass some time.
Sep. 7, 2012 10:18 am
...if I watched those afternoon doctor shows that keep popping up, I would think that I had every disease, allergy or condition out there. Besides, do they really need to come on TV everyday to tell us to eat healthy, exercise, get some fresh air, unclutter your life, be positive. Wait a minute-I could start my own talk show, I will think of a catchy name:P
Sep. 7, 2012 12:44 pm
redneck gramma, Now that is an invite! I would love to visit your part of the world kid. Maybe next harvest????
Sep. 8, 2012 2:18 pm
mauigirl, you hit the nail on the head with this blog. We talked about this issue in Seattle-being strict with our kids because we didn't want them to grow up to be brats. And as far as TV shows? What kind of society do we have that the Judge Judy type shows, Jerry Springer, Maury, etc. have been on for 20 years? One of the bodyguards off of Jerry Springer got his own show too. Sheesh...
Sep. 8, 2012 3:02 pm
Magnolia Blossom, Yep....this topic did come up in Seattle. Guess the whole thing kinda stuck in my craw. LOL BTW Miss you kid!
Sep. 9, 2012 2:28 pm
I am late to the party but happy to be here! Etiquette seems to be a lost art but so appreciated! Thank you for bringing it to light! It does begin at the table! So many programs and platforms boast the destruction of kindness and manners! Great blog and thank you for sharing!
Sep. 9, 2012 2:29 pm
P.S. Hope you are feeling better soon!
Sep. 9, 2012 4:17 pm
Thanks mickdee, I am feeling better ad I am feeling better about civilization after reading all the responses here.
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About Me
I have been married for 43 years to the most amazing man on the planet. He is quiet and deliberate and I am NOT. We have one grown son (and his partner) that we adore. Because they work for the airlines they drop in on a flight frequently and we feel so lucky for that. We retired after 30 years at our careers from our native Olympia to Maui and now most recently retreated to Las Vegas to try to ride out this horrendous economy. We bought a small home here and I gutted it and am putting it back together, so I spend most of my time fine tuning the decorating and now I am plunging into a full tropical landscaping to remind us of our beautiful Maui. I miss the PNW, but NOT the weather. Miss the razor clams and the wild beaches of Washington and Oregon. Miss my friends too. Happy to have my friends from Allrecipes though. The four legged critter you see on my profile is a five year old yorkie/bichon who is the greatest little (9 lbs) girl ever. Quiet and calm, but so excited about life.
My favorite things to cook
I love to cook just about anything...just mostly like the art of cooking and baking and sharing my art with friends and families. Love the smells that emanate from my kitchen and the familiar memories that come flooding back. The scents from my kitchen are probably my favorite thing in the house.
My favorite family cooking traditions
My mother used to like to make a big deal out of almost any holiday, so I have followed through with that tradition. Valentine's Day, Christmas, St. Paddy's day, Thanksgiving, Easter, Oscar night are just a few of my favorite cooking traditions. Birthday parties for all my loved ones are something I love to do too.
My cooking triumphs
The first time I mastered sauce bearnaise, or raviolis from scratch or my first perfect cheesecake or my first wedding catering job or meeting Julia Child (about 25 years ago).
My cooking tragedies
(See above) Well....Julia was so cranky and rude it ruined my love of I sold all my Julia Child cookbooks (some of them signed) at a garage sale for $1.00 apiece. Now I wish I would have kept them of course. I guess Julia was just having a bad day:( & I was foolish of course.
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