the local gazette...
Nov. 28, 2011 6:53 pm
Updated: Nov. 29, 2011 8:23 pm
Our newspaper, the "local gazette," has been informed that many a local cook has had problems functioning during this holiday week... After a short board meeting, it was decided to send our food editor herself out into the field, to once again write an
article about this seeming epidemic. Ima Soufflet (the 't' is silent,) being ready for the assignment, was amazed at the information she found simply by interviewing passing shoppers, as they left the grocery stores. Many when asked, had no idea just what
they had purchased while inside the store. Nor, did they have any idea what they were planning to cook for the Thanksgiving meal. Mostly, the shoppers who agreed to be interviewed were in hopes that their family members and guests would bring the meal itself,
allowing them to feed birds bread crumbs, or some such.
One cook, Etta MooShoo, was quoted as saying that she was in hopes of making a Lasagne, despite when pressed, she could find no ingredients for lasagne in any of her shopping bags... At that point, being totally confused, Etta decided that she just might have
a pork roast in the freezer, but she wasn't sure. Another shopper, Birdie Baker was sure that she had a turkey in her shopping cart, which she did find in short order. She had no idea if anyone joining her holiday table would be bringing stuffing, potatoes,
or pumpkin pie. "I'll toss the turkey into the oven, and be done with it," she was quoted as saying!
Ima also interviewed a local doctor, Bustyer Egga, who has voiced concerns that there may be an airborn virus, which is causing total confusion in any and all "cooks." His theory is that total sanity and clarity are messing with the minds of all cooks across
the nation to the extent that they cannot function properly. His concerns led him to consult with a friend of his in France, Coco Eclare, who assured him that French cooks were not reporting any outside influences regarding their creations, although one diner
at a world famous eatery declared that his "pate de fois gras" was actually made of mushed eggplant. The French government has refused to comment, as have the Germans, English, and most of the Middle and Far East.
Ima Soufflet is extremely concerned that as the Christmas holiday is approaching, this epidemic may escalate. She fears that "gruel" may be the only food offered at many a Christmas table... "May I have more, please?"
Ima, and the "local gazette" are in hopes that "total sanity" may be stamped out by mid December, but local autorities are "not available for comment." We will continue to report any and all issues regarding this epidemic...
We here, support, "be happy, be healthy, be crazy!"