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I haven't been truthful...

Dec. 7, 2010 1:27 pm

Updated: Feb. 13, 2011 3:23 pm

I haven't been truthful with you or myself i guess. i want the best for claire excatly like you do for your loved ones. she came back from a massive stroke, 3 brain surgeries...numerous hoops she had to jump thru. this is very difficuolt to write. she has a masters in education, named teacher of the year twice in her 23 years of. teaching we live in city of @ 275,000 folks. she teaches the best of the best, smartest, brightess students. her children love her. no one works harder then claire when it comes to preparing herself and her kids for what lies ahead. she is a mentor and an inspiration to so many. i hate going shopping with her. folks that she taught "back in the day" MUST come up and say hi. when she was not here with me, i remember on 3 different occasions, folks i didn't know stopping me and asking about her. she is so well loved! i guess this is good news...she is having to take a medical retirement. she has had 12 seizures since her stroke june 8th 2009. she is on more medicine , hopefully it will control the seizures. her last day teaching is dec 17th. i truly believe that she ( and i) were spared a death because there is another calling for her. folks there is not a mean bone in her body, she has never hurt anyone by mouth, action or deed. mass sunday mornings with her mother. i wish i was half the person she is. an amazing journey she has been sent on! she is a fighter! she gets tired now quicker, her math skills are pretty rough. she is determined to get better. she has begun teaching herself spanish for fun....that's how she rolls....just crazy smart! i hate the idea that she can not continue with what she loves. it truly breaks my heart! she told her princpal monday and has sent in her resigination to the school board the same day. it was tough watching her type it. i thought she was e-mailing our moose about wheter or not she had got her graduation gown and cap for her graduation this friday. she has told our daughters and mother but not her sisters yet...i don't know when she intends to. they do too much as it is. we will get by. as temple grandin would say,"a door opened and WE walked thru it."

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LadySparkle

Dec. 7, 2010 2:26 pm

gderr, this is an opportunity for her! :) She can tutor, if she wants, or pursue another interest! I don't know very many intelligent people who only have ONE interest! Plus, the two of you will have more uninterrupted time together. I'm SURE there is sorrow at the "end" of something she did so enjoy doing. But who can measure the untold joy that may come from it. Hope your family enjoys a warm and loving Holiday season. &hearts;

Toni Jo Fire Eating Pro

Dec. 7, 2010 2:57 pm

gderr-, This may not help alot, but here goes. My older sister(50)worked for the schools in Central Oregon in the music dept. When all the budget cuts came, the music dept was all but shut down, so no more job.No more benefits. She opened a small studio in town and teaches piano lessons. She works her own schedule, takes as many (or as few) students as she wants, and makes ALOT more money. It seems like with Claires wonderful reputation and her love of teaching and children, parents will be beating a path to your door. This is a new chapter in the book, but by no means the ending. Bless Claire for having such a positive impact on our children. And bless you, Gary For being such a neat husband. Plan a short 2nd honeymoon (even just a nite or two)and enjoy the blessing of another Holiday together. Then let 'er rip, because I don't think Claire is a lady that can be held back for long. Merry Christmas to you both-Toni

Mike Harvey, daPITA

Dec. 7, 2010 3:14 pm

Well, Gary, it's a difficult thing to walk through a door that is only identified as "uncertainty". You and Claire might just park yourselves at the kitchen table and talk about your resouces and how they can be applied for your future and to help others. A Master of Education is a highly regarded degree regardless of health. A work from home employment or self employment is a very real possibility. Even though you think fruitcake is a doorstop, I'm sure Claire could find you useful in an at home endeavor.

iceemama

Dec. 7, 2010 3:32 pm

This is just the beginning of a new life. She made it back and was able to choose to leave. That is a great thing. I know it is sad seeing her lose what she is so good at and loves. I agree with the others that she may find something even better! Best of luck to the two of you.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 7, 2010 3:34 pm

thanks lady sparkle. it has not sunk in with her that she is finished. i agree she has many interests and tutoring is certainly an option. she had begun teaching her prior students kids. i want her to relieve her work load, the stress that she puts on herself.

maggie

Dec. 7, 2010 4:01 pm

Change is hard, I know. I wish you all the very best. You have each other and what sounds like a great family which many people are not blessed to have...hang in there and best wishes.

Patty Cakes

Dec. 7, 2010 4:13 pm

Oh Gary what a Wonderful Opportunity for her to do something completely different! Who knows what she will do:) It is a Blessing! Claire will figure out what she wants to do, and you as her hubby, will be at her side to watch her do it! A Journey for both of you. Could you possible travel more? I am puzzled by your title, not truthful about what Gary? Did I miss something? Are you angry that she has brought a bit of recognition into your lives by people coming up to you and Claire when, you may just want to be by yourselves? You know that Claire would never say anything to hurt someone's feelings. If you are angry, it is understandable. You have been strong for sooo very Long, the stroke changed your plans for life for a while. That would make Me Mad Too! Maybe when it hit, you wanted to go somewhere or start a new hobby,etc and all the things that went into taking care of Claire took over. You are mad at the Stroke, maybe. IDK sorry, {{{Hugs}}} and I only say these things to give you something to think about. Love to Claire.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 7, 2010 4:14 pm

thank you toni jo...yes life will tighten up because now i must provide the insurance. pay checks will be nasty for awhile i fear., but we have endured many things.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 7, 2010 4:18 pm

thanks mike! you have had to jump thru some hoops! i truly feel her god will give her direction in another endeaveour. i don't want her to stress...it will be difficult...she is extremely independent.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 7, 2010 4:20 pm

thanks maggie! we are very close. her stroke brought us closer as well as the rest of the family. a new chapter soon to begin.

Soifua

Dec. 7, 2010 4:21 pm

it is indeed a new door to walk through for the both of you, you two have been through so much, I wish you two the best ((((HUGS))))

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 7, 2010 4:27 pm

hi patty cakes! YES, i'm very mad about her stroke. i took her to the hospital the day before. i KNEW something was wrong with her. i need to get over it. i'm a tough son of a gun and would love to beat some folks at the 1st hospital until they could experience a loved one in the emergency room for 9 hours and then mis-diagnosing them. but, besides that yeah i am good. i just felt like i had not told about her seizures, or at least how many she has had. she didn't tell me the truth until last week before we back to the shepherd center for a follow-up.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 7, 2010 5:23 pm

hi soifua! thank you....life is going to be so much more different very soon. maybe she will come to this site and use some recipes. she loves the things i've found here...

iceemama

Dec. 7, 2010 6:14 pm

I work at an elementary school in the nurse's office. Last year one of our teachers felt really bad. The nurse sent him home. He knew something was wrong and went to the hospital. They misdiagnosed him, he went home and had a stroke. The nurse still kicks herself for not realizing that was what it was. He said he was taking a new medicine and she thought that was it. She missed it and the ER workers missed it. It is really heartbreaking that occurs! I'm sorry you all went through that. Would love to see you and Claire on AR. You can start a blog about you trying new recipes together. Maybe she will be a chef yet!

Christina

Dec. 7, 2010 6:49 pm

Gary and Claire, I agree with the others that say this is an opportunity for her. And the fact that she was able to make this decision on her own, says just how far she has come and how far she will go. Love to you both, and I know whatever she does, she will put her all into it and be happy doing it. Though this is rough for the both of you, I am just happy that she is here with us and there with you and your family. Everything will work out for the best, I just know it...God Bless and have a wonderful Christmas! (((hugs)))

Candice

Dec. 7, 2010 7:17 pm

Hey Gary, What a lucky woman Claire is; being married to a wonderful man who cares so much about her. And, what a lucky man you are; being married to such a resiliant woman. It sounds like you have a great partnership. I know that whatever lies ahead, the two of you will support each other, work through the hitches and glitches and be o.k. Blessings to your whole family Gary for a wonderful Christmas and this new season in your life.

Maureen

Dec. 7, 2010 8:06 pm

Oh Gary. Thank you for sharing the turn in the road. You two are so special. So many of us are thinking of you & Claire with warm thoughts and a "catch" in our throats. To see you going through this may help other straighten out their "priorities" and use words only to help, not hurt others. Just as you sounded off on Ba Nanna's blog. God bless you!

Patty Cakes

Dec. 7, 2010 8:24 pm

Gary Honey,you Have to cut yourself some slack! Not knowing about Claires seisures is not not telling the truth. You did not know she had had that many seisures! You Must try and forgive those Dr's who missed her symptoms the first time and just accept,(as hard as that may be) and know that they are human and sometimes make mistakes, not on pupose, it was an accident. On the other hand, if you think they had messed up and that other people could be in Danger, take them to court and sue them for mal practice. Gotta run, God Bless

Patty Cakes

Dec. 7, 2010 8:27 pm

And BTW, why have you been so stingy with Claire? We would love to talk to her and it would be great therapy for her! Get her in the kitchen and help you.Ask her and see what she says.

Marianne

Dec. 7, 2010 8:41 pm

Sweet Gary, we all love you both--all four of you. We feel like you are all family. I can understand how she must feel----and how you must feel. I guess that it will be what it will be, and like my mom always used to say, we'll see what we shall see. We never know, do we? We all love you. What is better than that?

BigShotsMom

Dec. 7, 2010 8:45 pm

Gary, get Claire down to the Social Security office ASAP!! She will easily qualify for SS Disability. That will relieve some of the financial worry. I speak from experience, I was forced to retire at age 56 due to different medical problems. It was a vacation for a few weeks, then the reality hit me...what do I do with myself? I'm active in our local SPCA, I cook at a food bank 3 or 4 days a week, I do outreach work at my church. Each of those groups were happy to have me even tho I had to tell them that there would be times I just can't physically be there. I can't spend wildly, but that wasn't my style anyway. Claire is much better educated than I am and she will find her niche. You weren't dishonest, you were trying to make what you want into reality. You both are such special people that you will always find a way to have full lives. This is a season of renewed hope and rebirth, a fitting time for Claire to make this change. God Bless you both and have a very Merry Christmas!

Swiss Phil

Dec. 7, 2010 9:35 pm

Gary, please know that the Swiss are rooting for you all

Lace

Dec. 8, 2010 4:47 am

Gary, all this change must be very hard on you as well as Claire. I must say it breaks my heart to see her have to resign from such an important position. One that enables her to help her students to make the most of their lives. It doesn't get much more rewarding than that!! She's obviously very resourceful and another opportunity will present itself. Now that the door is open, she will be free to accept it. You two are very special folks and I send my best wishes to you and family.

Mother Ann

Dec. 8, 2010 6:47 am

That had to be a tough decision for her to make. But, yes, you two are now walking thru a new door. Best wishes to you and to Claire.

LemonLush

Dec. 8, 2010 6:59 am

Gary, I really have to agree with everyone here. Rather than looking at the glass half empty, try seeing it from a different perspective. Remember too that resigning is probably not making Claire feel very good about things either.. she will be well aware she's letting your family down a bit, financially. So you two need to sit down, and start dreaming about the future and appreciating every day you have together rather than dwelling on the past. It is what it is.. your life has been destined, but that does not mean it has to be any less wonderful. Think of this time as a brand new beginning. It's just different, not worse. It can be magical or you can waste these days letting the guilt and anger tear you up. Maybe seeing a counselor or finding a way to search for your peace.. whatever you choose, don't let these days go by without "living" them, my friend!

Christine M

Dec. 8, 2010 8:59 am

I'm sorry to hear that she has to retire - after all she's been through and how you've both worked towards going back to teaching - but I always try to look at things as if they were meant to be, like that new door opened for a reason. I think there's something wonderful waiting for her...she just needs to find it! Good luck!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 9:35 am

hi icee! when folks are young, i don't think the thought of a stroke passes thru the medical staff's mind. it will be very difficult for claire to adapt to a more sedentary life. she has always been the one to push everything and everybody in the right direction so to speak. maybe that's what contributed to her stress level ergo the stroke. so sorry for your friend at school...if anyone knows the consquences it's me.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 9:37 am

thanks christina! that's what i tell her, "she was spared for a higher purpose."

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 9:43 am

merry christmas candice! it will be another journey for us. one of many i'm sure. her health is too delicate now to endure more stress. we will get by!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 9:48 am

thank you maureen. life truly is an unexpected road with many obstacles along the way. i firmly believe that you MUST assume the best of others and their intentions. i know i get caught sometimes but i have a clear conscious. you are a good person, like so many on this site. when i need to get some aggression out i'll play poker,otherwise...i'm here either in person or spirt.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 9:52 am

love ya patty! she has zero interest in anything remotely concerning the kitchen! she was in a coma for a month...i joke with her tell her she used to love to cook especially in french maid's uniform with fishnet stockings and stilletos...she just rolls her eyes.

dragonfly22

Dec. 8, 2010 9:52 am

Gary, I hope everything goes well with the transition for Claire. She'll ease into it just like you will. I wanna tell ya a little secret (us women , we are resilient!!) She'll be o.k. as long as she has her main squeeze by her side. Lots of hugs and prayers!!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 9:55 am

thank you maureen. i know i need to let my rage go...but...maybe time will heal my frustration. i meant to mention...i did want to sue the doctor who mis-diagnosied her, claire vetoed me.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 10:03 am

hi bigshot! YES SHE IS EXTREMELY SMART. A TERROR ON TRIVIA! we have social security cranked. she was to retire in 6 and a half years. she had spoke of re-instating her real estate liscense (wee both had one @20 years ago)....i think after some rand r which i doubt she will get without a fight from me and taking the time to arrange the library and playrooms in our house ( we had @20,000 work done to the outside just recently) she will find her niche. i think teaching part-time at our local university maybe history, would be right up her alley. she graduated with her masters all a's...summa cum ladda?

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 10:04 am

hi swiss! thank you! i'm making the "swiss dish" for christmas this year. hope you saw that.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 10:07 am

hi lace! i agree...she had not been forthright about the amount of seizures. i knew about 8 of them. they have all been of short duration and she did not black out. still very scary. she told me she has had 2 at school between classes. no one saw them.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 10:09 am

oh soory, lace, then she explained that she had 2 others i didn't witnesss...our house is large...she can hide in it.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 10:10 am

hi mother ann....that's the way we have to look at it...a new opportunity presents itself.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 10:16 am

thank you belles! wise words indeed. i saw a counselor for awhile. she understood my anger but could not really do anything else. i'm supposed to take some type dope i try and remember. anger , guilt yeah i very much have those feelings...time will heal things. our oldest daughter is graduating from the university in 2 days, our youngest graduates next year. life can certainly still be good.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 10:19 am

hi christine! i tend to agree...i just hate it for her. she was trying to calulate her retirement pay and couldn't figure it out. she cried. math eludes her. i helped her and then went outside and cried too.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 10:22 am

thanks dragonfly! i think she keeps me around for the chow i make. i'm the lucky one that gal is plum gorgeous and to be that smart! yes! i'm the lucky one here especially since she is still here.

Luvs2Bake but no PRO

Dec. 8, 2010 10:34 am

My heart goes out to both of you. Please know whatever direction your lives now takes you it will take a lot of adjustment (again! Hugs and encouragement. I know you think you are the lucky one but from where I stand I think you're both very lucky to be where you're at now together!

tanya

Dec. 8, 2010 10:36 am

Gary, I will pray you find peace with this. I also beleived she was spared for something greater.When one door closes another opens. I know that with your love and support she will find that something. You are one special couple.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 11:07 am

hi luvs! i agree...another adjustment. it's going to be strange coming home and seeing her van in the driveway. she is a great house-keeper, loves ironing ( insane in the membrane!), washing. can NOT cook. i worked long hours leaving for work at 8:20 and sometimes not getting home until around 10 pm. she was still at school sometimes working on a project.stress.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 11:09 am

thanks tanya! it's going to be very different now that she will not be going back to school jan.3rd i'm curious how she reacts.

EAKE

Dec. 8, 2010 1:40 pm

gderr, with the love and respect that the two of you, obviously, have for each other, it seems that you have succesfully leaped over most of the BIG hurdles...life is good...GREAT, when you can spend it with someone you love...Happy Holidays to you and the rest of the derr family :o)

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 2:08 pm

blessings to you eake this holiday season. it will take some major readjustments, but after 35 years together we will manage. thank you!

Patty Cakes

Dec. 8, 2010 2:24 pm

Oh I would do more then roll My baby Blues/greens at you! Naughty Boy! Hee Hee

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 4:26 pm

lmao patty, i can dream!

DeniseY

Dec. 8, 2010 4:42 pm

Hi Gary, I always seem to be late reading everyone's blogs. Good luck to you both on your new future. While it is sad Clair is retiring from full time teaching I am sure there are many new wonderful opportunities ahead for her. She can start by coming to my house and helping me get caught up on my ironing ;) I hate that job, wish I had never started ironing for the dh when we first started dating 21 year ago. (dumb, dumb, dumb) I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 8, 2010 5:21 pm

merry christmas denise! she considers ironinh theraputic. you would have to hold a gun to my head, same with picking up my underware. there are not sticks long enough for me to go near that toxic waste. she is crazy. we will survive. it will be something strange when it comes to say, the middle of january when she would be back to teaching...the end of may when she was organizing car washes and bake sales to raise funds for her gifted students to go to the university of maryland and compete in the national history day contest. the time in june when she always stayed in a bed and breakfast in williamsburg ,va. she won't make it this year. i regret it but money will tighten up now.

goodeats

Dec. 8, 2010 9:16 pm

This must have been a tough decision on Claire's part. I want to second the motion about S.S. disability program-it takes awhile, they usually deny it, then you have to fight for it. But, once it is approved, folks can get Medicare-did you know that? I beleive it may be retroactive on the payments to the day of application,or her last working day, so try to get something going for as soon as possible close to her last day. Good luck to both of you & hope you can talk her into some R & R-you both deserve a break!

What's for dinner, mom?

Dec. 9, 2010 4:47 am

Gderr, the scope of your love for Claire touches the deepest part of my heart. You are blessed to be together and now have more time to be so. A door has closed but a window has opened to an undiscovered place for you to explore together. Many blessings to you both &hearts;

What's for dinner, mom?

Dec. 9, 2010 4:48 am

*and a little p.s here - tutoring is a wonderful thing! Our teachers charge $30.00 an hour to come to your home. Flexible schedules, good money, still doing what she loves... parents appreciate tutors with a true caring heart!

pattyD-no

Dec. 9, 2010 4:50 am

Gary, your Claire sounds like a wonderful person who has a passion for teaching. As you walk through the door together, keep it mind that it did not close behind you. Life will be different, but that's not always a bad thing. Focus on what is important and give thanks for the time you to have together. I bet Claire will find her happy medium and the start of yet another wonderful journey for both of you. You have alot of wonderful people in your corner, you are never alone. Peace to both of you.

Bibi

Dec. 9, 2010 5:22 am

Gary, your amazing, smart, loving, creative, strong, tenacious woman chose YOU! From reading your blog, I see why--you are a "catch", also! Even though she may not want to admit it, I know she is glad to have a strong partner to lean on. Speaking to a counselor shows me that you are smart, too. I understand your anger--you were robbed of the future you expected! Now you both must re-write that script. I pray that your love for each other will not waver, and that the challenges you face will cause your souls to deepen. Kudos to you for "manning up" and doing the hard things necessary during Claire's recovery. Many guys would have run for the hills....Peace be with you.

CookinArgentina

Dec. 9, 2010 6:19 am

Well, the bright side is she will have so much more time to cook for you. Enjoy each other and she will always find a way to teach and share with others. Merry Christmas to you and the family! Blessings to you all~

Belinda

Dec. 9, 2010 6:31 am

Gary, I had to give up my career at the age of 49 due to an illness. I applied for SS Disablity and was lucky enough to get it on the first try. It makes a huge difference since you can then get Medicare which will take a load off of you. You can apply for it on line. Good luck

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 6:41 am

thx goodeats! i didn't know about medicare ...that she may be eligible for it. no time for r and r. money will be tight for a while, i don't want to cash out my 401k or sell my boat...but you do what you need to. opportunties will present themselves.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 6:45 am

hi whats for dinner! her docter at the shepherd center would love to have her tutor her 2 girls...but that is 2 hours away...claire can't drive in atlanta traffic, but yes she has an awesome reputation here in our community. i want her to relax for a while...heck as long as she wants!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 6:49 am

thanks pattyd! i am her witness. she has been thru so much. i'm very curious where life will take her!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 6:54 am

thank you bibi! i'll get over my anger issues and depression it's been a struggle. i took her for granted....and she was struck down. the worst ( besides my children) thing that could have happened to me. when i write something like this...i sound so egotistical and i guess i am. everything has always gone my way, so to speak. i got a monster punch in the gut!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 6:57 am

hi cooking! bless you for the work you do! i told her about all her get-well cards, from china, ireland, germany, canada, new zealand, england, argentina, mexico...good grief from all the globe. i've saved them all best wishes for the holidays!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 6:59 am

hi belinda! thank you so much i was not aware of that, neither is she i believe. sorry about your illness...i certainly understand the ramifications!

Skuba

Dec. 9, 2010 7:27 am

One of my favorite quotes of all times "Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will, too... " Birdie Pruitt, Hope Floats.

redneck gramma

Dec. 9, 2010 7:28 am

Hey Gderr, feel like some advice? Not a time for a poker face-ommunicate, communicate...and maybe look at it as a hallway of change rather than a door. We all get an unexpected card in the hand, this one is yours-there is a reason for it. When you find a way to make a flush with that enexpected card, you will take the pot. Now how card corny is that? You will thrive, you and Claire seem strong and supportive, hang in there:)

Jena

Dec. 9, 2010 7:36 am

What a journey your family is on. Your positive outlook is always an inspiration to me but I understand that doesn't always come naturally, you wouldn't be normal if it did. And around here we prefer non-normal ;0 Reading all that you guys have gone through always amzaes me because the love is always constant, the patience, kindness and willingness to face it all head on, like a matador waving the cape saying "bring it on baby, who do you think you're messing with?" Who knows what the future holds for anyone but I have a feeling for you guys it will be amazing. Thoughts and prayers and hugs to you all.

sassyoldlady

Dec. 9, 2010 8:30 am

One door closes, another opens. You have each other, let the rest figure itself out. Rock on!

coco

Dec. 9, 2010 9:01 am

Thank you for being yourself. Like you said a new door opens. Your lucky to have each other and can reach out to so many people. You help so many with your blog. Wishing you and Claire many more doors that will open. God Bless you both and your family.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 9:20 am

thanks skuba...a nice quote!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 9:23 am

blessings redeck! you have such a good heart! thank you!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 9:24 am

hi jena! i love my band of brothers here! yes she is too strong to keep down!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 9:27 am

ROCK ON indeed sassy!

njmom

Dec. 9, 2010 9:29 am

hey gderr, sorry to hear about claire's seizures. hopefully the meds will keep them at bay. with her retiring, everything will work out....they always do, right? lots of luck and prayers to you and your girls. take care and god bless

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 9:30 am

thank you coco! she is my blog! one day she will read them, i save them for her to read one day to understand where we were in her treatment i also kept a more personal journal ( great advice,btw!) i hope my blogs about her in the future are more up-lifting!

b.riddle

Dec. 9, 2010 9:38 am

Gderr- it's so sweet to read your devotion and love to Claire. Would she be able to be a homeschool tutor of some sort? Thoughts and prayers are being sent your way!

b.riddle

Dec. 9, 2010 9:38 am

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. ~Fr. Alfred D'Souza

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 2:12 pm

hi njmom! i got a job taday in anticipation of her up-coming retirement. it's still hard for me to believe she will not be going to school.

Puck

Dec. 9, 2010 2:13 pm

Gary, you and Claire have such a special relationship and truly are an inspiration to all. I have no doubts that you will jump this hurdle just a successfully as you have the others. And, as many others have stated, this could turn out to be a blessing...a new door opening to bigger and better things! "The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." God bless you and your family and Happy Holidays to all!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 2:14 pm

thank you briddle! a great quote! please let me apologize again about what i said concerning my john lennon wuote. i didn't "get"it. blessings to you and yours this holiday season!

Baking Nana

Dec. 9, 2010 2:28 pm

Wow Gary reading your blog brought back a whole range of emotion for me. I know your anger! I have lived it. My daughter suffered a massive brain injury when she was 15 - she is now 29 and is permenately disabled but she is ALIVE and is married with children. Odd, like Claire - she lost her math skills too - never regained them. Claire is a very brave woman - thank God you two can walk together into the next phase of life. Blessing to you both.

CookieWeasel

Dec. 9, 2010 2:33 pm

So many possibilities ahead. And being able to set her own schedule! I know Claire will create a wonderful new path for herself. Maybe tightening of belts for awhile, but then even better things ahead. And another voice chiming in to say, SSI Disability can ease things immensely! Time for the next chapter to begin!

Gitano

Dec. 9, 2010 3:29 pm

Gderr...su esposa hermosa es una gran mujer con un corazón grande...(seeing as Claire is taking Spanish lessons - have her translate that for you! ;D ) you both will find your way in whatever the future holds and be happy knowing that you will be able to spend more time with her, after all, it is a gift she is still with you - cherish it... &hearts;

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 4:01 pm

love ya baking nana! yes anger is a cheap commodity around here with me. i gotta realize she was spared and not taken. a funny story... a friend of my moose's cam over a while back. of course i made dinner. it was cindy's clam chowdre which,btw, is awesome, they ate almost all of it. anyways, i had fresh cantalope and pineapple...and decided to add the fresh pineapple to the cantalope along with fresh blueberries and whipped cream. the wife said i was getting too fancy. we "argued" mosse's friend thought it was hilarious because that's about how mean we get with each other. i never thought about it...

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 4:10 pm

hi cookieweasel...great name! she finally told her best friend and main competition at district,regional,state and national history day events. she is the "funk-meister" we both love her! i could not run her off from the medical center and jezzz, i don't know how many times she made the trip to atlanta just to visit claire. she is another gifted teacher at a middle school in our district here. just a wonderful human being! the funkmeister is retiring in a couple years...they should do something together. they are probably in the top 1% of the teachers in school district here.

Am & Ad's Gram

Dec. 9, 2010 4:19 pm

Ello, hello, let me share awhile. i just want to pass on a couple of expierences I've been up & down with the past few years. seizures, brain tumor, abnormal brain activity in added places. Cancer tumor behind right ear,removal of left parathyroid possible onset of dementia, oh yeah bipolar disorder, hashimoto's thyroid disorder and osdioarthritis and apossibility of more tumors and fibromyalgia. I never got my degres in any thing as my mother had a stroke before I could use my scholarship, and we girls were sent across country to live and Iwas only able to attend 1 quater year of jr. college. I took a typing course, worked at several jobs, married,had a daughter,went Neafundland with my sailor husband and later taught school in Tn and Md .These were private schols and it was long, long ago.Not as far back as Little House On The Praire, but long enough that if you were successfuf in teaching, and the kids were learning,no one complained. I had had a scholarship for nursing, but I found I was much more suited for teaching. After all these changes I've been faced with, I found myself slowed way down, walking, reading, speaking correctly, spelling,writing.Spelling and writing stories and taling as well as cooking to please my husband were my delights. At first I felt I was not the same person. Well, my husband and I used to sing(I choereographed our work)for our friend anniversaries and special times, and now we sing for ouselves. As so many have pointed out, "Golda,it's a new life" I' presenting a file I'm putting together on bullying.My theme is: EDUCATE STIMULATE MEDITATE ACTIVATE DON'T VEGETATE OR HALLUCINATE ELIMINATE Happy Trails to YOU!!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 4:27 pm

hi gitano! thank you. she is sitting on the couch with me right now learning spanish on her own. just a screw-ball! but she has always been that way. that hasn't changed. she always challenges herself. such an inspiration to me! she said she is not quite advanced yet to translate but she has only been doing the spanish thing for 5 days. no doubt she will get it! she better study italian...30 year anniversary on may 1st 2012! the italy change jar is getting dang heavy!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 4:31 pm

hi ads! WOW! what a journey you're life has been. you are one tough son of a gun! many blessings to you and your family. please sing the world would be much less empty without a voice such as yours!!

Gitano

Dec. 9, 2010 4:40 pm

awwwww.... su esposa hermosa es una gran mujer con un corazón grande = your beautiful wife is a great woman with a big heart!..... I too took up the language about 6 years ago, one of those things I always wanted to do but never got around to it! :) I LOVE the Spanish language and Claire will too! the hardest part is those dang verb conjugations! the past/future tenses just about did me in! ;) ooooo and Italy, well... how about Bonjourno! ;) ciao? bellisimo? fantastico! LOL!

Gitano

Dec. 9, 2010 4:55 pm

P.S.... 'Gitano' is spanish for 'Gypsy'.... ;) that is why I chose the name here....

Candice

Dec. 9, 2010 5:09 pm

I'm lovin' that Gyspy Girl, er..ah...um I mean Gitano.

Gitano

Dec. 9, 2010 5:19 pm

LOL! why thank you my little chickadee! and that is a mighty cute chickadee you have there as an avatar right now... :D

janet7th

Dec. 9, 2010 5:50 pm

Gary, do be prepared for SSD to turn you down at least once. Even really severely disabled people are routinely denied the first time. So expect it and reapply. I know I am cynical but I really believe that they do this intentionally for added job security. If they process every application repeatedly, the amount of work multiplies. Just don't be surprised or let it get you down. At least when Clair does qualify it will be retroactive to the date of disability which I think will be the day following her final day of teaching. Hang in there. At least you have each other and that's a whole LOT!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 9, 2010 6:34 pm

thanks janet. not a problem there. life is changing so quickly now...we will weather this storm as well. we have resources. i just hate to draw on them...and the big lottery is friday! lol...:)

Magnolia Blossom

Dec. 9, 2010 7:02 pm

You are such a good husband (and such a bad boy, fish net stockings?) I mean, really... Not much more to add other than all the best to you and Claire & the girls. You've got a lot going for your family and hopefully Claire will find her new path as soon as she gets some good rest. (And she's not going to get any of that wearing a French maid's costume!)

Good EatNZ

Dec. 9, 2010 7:52 pm

Gary, my theme this week is "There's a crack in everything -- that's how the light gets in." Like everybody else, in some strange way this may present you both with an opportunity. And, as much as she loves what she does, maybe a little less pressure will benefit her health.

Candice

Dec. 9, 2010 10:07 pm

Hi Gitano, That's actually a painting by Jennifer Lake, an Oregon artist. I hang it up during the Holidays and it stays up through winter. Love them little chickadee birds!

chessiecrowe

Dec. 10, 2010 5:43 am

You have been blessed with a wonderful person in your life. How lucky you are! Go with the flow--enjoy every minute of life as there are many paths to happiness. Take the lemons and make lemonade.

rpnzl

Dec. 10, 2010 6:36 am

Don't be afraid of SS disability, the people that handle the claims are very knowledgeable and helpful. When the diagnosis is presented to them, including ALL Dr. info, it can go pretty easy. Mine came through in less than 5 weeks. A looong history of arthritis... Keep your sense of committment to each other, it'll carry you through. (Also, depending on your financial status, EBT (food stamps) is available to release some of your cash for other things. Merry Christmas and enjoy the trip.

LMF443

Dec. 10, 2010 6:37 am

The love that radiates from you every time you talk to her touches my heart. No matter what happens, you have each other, and really, what else do you need? She sounds like a fighter, and that’s why she needs to get through this. Good luck to both of you.

b.riddle

Dec. 10, 2010 6:42 am

Hey Gderr- Just saw where you said you apologized for the JL quote but honestly I didn't go back to read what was said...so no need to apologize! :) I forgot to put "Quoties" around that one and the one I put in this blog.

Baking Nana

Dec. 10, 2010 8:10 am

Gary - I was thinking of you and Claire this morning and it occured to me how amazing it is that she herself recognizes her limitations. The is something that my daughter couldn't do after her brain injury. Claire is an amazing woman. Blessings.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 10, 2010 8:42 am

hi magnolia! i can dream...lol we'll be fine. oldest daughter is going to listen to pomp and circumstance this evening....graduating from college! many blessings here and i hope you find some too!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 10, 2010 8:44 am

hi goodi! i read your blog, beautiful pictures! it's going to be different but better!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 10, 2010 8:47 am

hi cheessi! hopefully, she will slow down and let the stress leave her. she has always pushed herself too hard. she said she a seizure starting last night but it subsided. maybe medication is working better now.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 10, 2010 8:50 am

hi rp! thanks for the advice. i won't accept ebt, it's for people that need it!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 10, 2010 8:52 am

hi lmf! she is a tough cookie no doubt! we have been thru many upheavels and are still together. this is just another baby step.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 10, 2010 8:54 am

no problem briddle...i wasn't have a good day. and someone later in same post pointed out it was a song lyric...i'm an idiot.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 10, 2010 8:57 am

thanks baking nana! it was hard listening to her tell the funkmeister she was retiring next week. i got a job yesterday in anticipation of what's coming. it will be shorter hours and no sundays. happy holidays bn you have a sweet soul. hug your daughter!! we are lucky to still have our loved ones!

KRHarris

Dec. 10, 2010 9:02 am

Gary, I saw your 'I Haven't Been Truthful' and decided to click on it. Never read a blog before. (Love using this recipe site but that is all I ever thought to do.) Wow! I ditto so many things that are said here...and like you, agree there are some wonderful comments and folks with good hearts. I happen to be in a position where I might be able to help. We analyze franchises for folks. I'm a broker's assistant and there are several marvelous ones that are after school activities, and tutoring, etc. I don't know if you would like that help but I can assure you we are very successful matching folks to the right one. I apologize if I'm doing anything irreverent, cuz I'm not a blogger. Would love to help in any way. In the meantime God speed and yes He will guide and bless her all the way.

DaveinDenver

Dec. 10, 2010 9:40 am

Gary, bright blessing and my best regards, you both sound like fighters.

Cat Hill-Want2B Gardening

Dec. 10, 2010 9:56 am

I've followed Claire's story and am truly sorry she has to retire after working so hard to go back. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

JBOTT

Dec. 10, 2010 10:48 am

I'm sorry to hear this turn of events, but at least Claire got to pull the plug on her terms without anyone else telling her what she could and couldn't do. Intelligent people rarely see the world the way everyone else does because they see the possibilities in everything. Claire's ingenuity at creating the life she wants will surprise you. Maybe she'll write a book about her journey from her point of view, or research and write a new history textbook that millions of children would benefit from. The best part of all of this is that she has her best friend and love of her life to support her, no matter what. Blessings to all of you.

tammyjk

Dec. 10, 2010 11:01 am

Looking for a recipe I came across your blog...funny how things happen. My daughter who is now 13 has had a stroke and 5 major brain surgeries. At the time, like you I was angry and guilty and all sorts of things. Today she has made it to 13..you see 13 was our magic number. I was always told if she made it that far, she would probably live to grow up. She is partially paralized and loves to run...go figure. I was told she would never walk, but she ran past me on her 5th birthday. I was told she wouldnt talk, but now I cant shut her up. And the best part...one day she looked at me and said "mom, Dr's don't know everything". I wouldnt have her any other way. So many parents tell me "oh Im so sorry" They look at her as if she is the one with something wrong :) Take each day as it comes and the anger will subside. Hard to believe but its true. You may discover a whole new wonderfull world you may have missed. Tammy

coloradocookie

Dec. 10, 2010 11:33 am

I have followed your path with interest and caring. Teachers are born, not made.Claire is obviously teaching you/us things even now. It will be interesting to see how she adapts her skills to a new reality. No doubt she will continue to teach- but in what manner and place. Your door is open, you have stepped through it- what adventures are out there?

mimosa ain't no PRO

Dec. 10, 2010 2:33 pm

Gary I think this is the perfect opportunity for Claire to open a home baking business! Kidding! Yes, a door has opened and you have walked through it, but the sign on that door does not read "exit", it reads "ENTER HERE"! The world is ready and waiting for Claire's gifts and passions to be redirected to new and exciting paths. You made the statement early on here that it hasn't sunk in that she is "finished", well THAT thought shouldn't sink in because she isn't finished...she's just getting started. Love and blessings to you both. &hearts;

Nurse Ellen so not a

Dec. 10, 2010 2:43 pm

Gary, you are such an amazing man! I wish the best for you and Claire! I, too, believe this could be a blessing in diguise with a door opening for bigger and better things! HUGS!

plantain

Dec. 10, 2010 4:34 pm

I second the tutoring as she can regulate (and you can oversee) her workload so that she doesn't get tired out, but refreshed! One thing I like to do is to get to the source of the problem and work on it. I had varicose vein problems so bad that it took concentration just to walk across a large parking lot. Now I am fine with occasional "bicycling" on my stationary bicycle and I regularly take horse chestnut, butchers broom, and cayenne pepper plus herbs. Go to herbal legacy dot com (I am not affiliated, I just love that educational site.) and study what dr christopher and others have to say about claire's ailment. perhaps you will find a group of herbs that together will supply what is obviously lacking. Be praying for you both!

neenah

Dec. 10, 2010 8:17 pm

Just remember when one door closes another ones opens. What an old clishae right. My doad who is my mentor just turned 82 wach way more time than alot more people get. He recently has started to forget alot. No matter what, people in life teach us more than we can possibly ever know, thats why you have to take everything in life one day at a time. I lost my mom almost 12 years ago on mothers day-she taught me so much more about lifie than i can possibly imagine-everything happens for a reason-we will never know why-her time now in life is to remember what she did teach you and everyone else. Learn from her and most of all LOVE HER WHAT WHAT SHE GAVE YOU AND TAUGHT YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE IN LIFE. NEVER TAKE LIFE FOR GRANTED REMEMBER WHAT THEY PUT INTO YOUR BODY, MIND, HEART AND SOUL.

jessica

Dec. 10, 2010 9:23 pm

As I read your post and some of the many responses that follow I am brought to tears. I am a teacher, new compared to your wife. I have been teaching for 8 years and I find myself in a new teaching environment this year. I don't know what the rest of your wife's journey has in store for her, but I can tell you as a fellow educator every time I struggle with my patience of a student, every time I get angry and frustrated, your wife's legacy of teaching her kid's kids, of having so many people love her and ask after her will guide me. She is the kind of teacher the rest of us strive to be. Her legacy will live on in other teachers and in the students she taught. I hope that is some comfort. Even if she is no longer allowed to teach, her teachings will live on.

Dec. 11, 2010 3:34 am

I just happened upon this blog entry. Perhaps it was the hand of God. I faced a very similar challenge as your dear Claire. I thought I would not survive having to leave teaching. I was alone as my husband of 30 years decided he wanted someone younger! Claire is so lucky to have you and you are so lucky to have Claire. I agree a little splurge of a honeymoon is a great idea, especially when school starts again in January. Start planning now so it is a pleasant distraction and a step in your new journey. She is not done! You are both embarking on a new and exciting path. Believe me, I know, I've been there. You will survive and in a years time you will say "Oh thank you Jesus! How did I ever do all that teaching work. I am so busy with _____!" It is important to have something planned for each day. Whether it is a drive down a new street or exploring a store or sight or doing something you have never tried before, like playing cards or weaving or painting or ...It is vital that you DO something each day and never spend a weekend without being with people! I wish you peace, courage and prosperity! You will survive and thrive.

quilter

Dec. 11, 2010 7:22 am

hey Gary, Ihave just started reading your blogs, in fact , I am just becoming familiar with the computer. I would like to share some thoughts from my own experience. You have lost your future as you once planned it. This is as real as any loss will have. You must work through it and this includes anger, tears and depression. You need to aknowledge these feelings.















feelings sre neithere good nor bad. They are just feelings. I remember when Iwaqs told that I would never have children. I sobbed and shook my fist at the ceiling and cried "is there an idiot in charge up there?"Heavenly Father just smiled and let me rant for a while. then a year later as we were going through the last steps before adoptipn, my DH was hospitalized for depression, new seizures, and his health went down from there. The only reason that I tell you this is to let you know that I know about the anger pain and depressionthat you feel . It does get better. You hang on to that girl of yours,and this will deepen your love for each other. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Absolutely! We will celebrate our 35th aniversary this month and although my hubbys health has been poor, we are so much wiser for the things we have learned and conquered. you are in our prayers. ps,please ignore the typos, I am fighting with my keyboard. And if I could find the exclamation point I woul be using it right now.

panini goddess

Dec. 11, 2010 10:02 am

Bless your hearts. I'm sending lots of love and Ehugs to you both. Rock on Claire!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 10:20 am

thx krharris! i mentioned it to her. she was intrigued. but, for at least 2 months i want her to shlep around the house. she has her hands full...working on getting the playroom and libary and office organized. our house is now much too large, so being the hoarder she is and considering we have to clean her schoolroom out after 23 years of teaching, her hands will be free. but as things begin to mormalize,she will want to stay active!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 10:21 am

hi dave thanks!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 10:22 am

thanks cathill! she just needs more time to heal and less stress!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 10:24 am

hi jbott! such beautiful sentiments!! everyone is blessed by your prescence! thank you!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 10:43 am

hi tammy! your daughter's story brought tears to my eyes! i understand about the nay-sayers!! i love my wife dearly...but if it had been one of girls instead... i saw and met so many other proud folks and their families at the shephard center in atlanta. it's a very emotional place, up-lifting and also horrible. the care is terrific, it's seeing how much lives have been changed. i counted 19 wheelchairs 2 weeeks ago at lunch. don't get me wrong...these people have handicapped basketball tournaments are major supporters of the special olympics! the founder of the facility was one of the wives of a coke big shot. an amzaing no cost facility! they provide housing for family members that can't afford the hotels in buckhead. best people in the world! like your daughter said, " doctors don't know everything." please hug your daughter for claire and me. god bless! we are so lucky to have them!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 10:55 am

hi colorado! i agree. for instance she wanted to go to yard sales last saturday. sure. she bought some smsll silver candle-holders and a very small plate. she sold them for acrap today she made 81 bucks. she is always thinking!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 10:58 am

lova ya mimosa! what a great attitude! enter, not exit...and just getting started...so true, thank you!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 10:59 am

hi nurse! best people on earth! it is a new opportunity...she was spared for a reason!

Janet Shum

Dec. 11, 2010 11:00 am

You both should collaborate and write a book of inspiration! Because this is what you both have brought to many.This will be a different chapter of your lives and it still can be so rich and fulfilling for you both! May your holidays be blessed!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 11:01 am

hi plaintain! what a wonderful idea! in my fog, i never thought to check for something herbal medicine.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 11:10 am

thanks neenah! i'm truly grateful she was spared. i believe it could have been avoided.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 11:15 am

blessings jessica! she has taught so many so many things, me included. she is still as bright as ever...math is very rough,and she sometimes has to search her mind for she is trying to express. it embarasses her. i bite my tongue and allow her time needed. we've been together 35 years , married 28. i know her like the back of my hand. 8 years teaching, gal you're a good'un too!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 11:27 am

hi me! another warm heart! sickness and health! love and obey...she took that one out, that dang gal will not obey. i'll say you are doing too much!" her-"i'm ok" i wanta tie her down. believe me...i'm the lucky one. she has told me, she was glad i didn't leave her after her stroke. it offended me. i agree she after getting our home to her liking ( we had major renovations done to it) will need to stay active/busy. we are both pretty much loners. that's not say we done many friends, it's just we don't mind staying home, not entertaining much. our friends could have the keys to our house. we love them.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 11:32 am

hi quilter! i'm so sorry you're husband is having a rough go of it now! we have to play the cards we are dealt with. it's been 18 months since her stroke...she needs a break! she isn't a quitter nor does she cry. i still hate this. she will find her way.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 11:34 am

thank you panni! it's the love, thoughts and good deeds from so many that has returned her to me..i need to focus on that!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 11:36 am

hi janet! she would need to write the book, she has been my inspiration. i couldn't contribute anything to her journey. i'm just a witness. very sweet of you.

midwestchef

Dec. 11, 2010 3:16 pm

I know it will be hard for her, but she's a strong-willed fighter, and so are you! When God closes a door, He opens a window (from "The Sound of Music")! So be ready for the next adventure in your lives together.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 4:20 pm

thank you swchef. yes, i believe after she gets the house the way she has always wanted it, it will be tough on her. she told me earlier today she is volunteering this coming weekend to wrap presents for her national history day students to raise money for what used to be an annual trip to the university of maryland...the national history day event. i told her NO!, she said , "i'm doing it." i hope she doesn't try to do too much when she is here by herself all day. it worries me. we all our trials i guess.

Maureen

Dec. 11, 2010 5:02 pm

Gary, I don't want "go on" about our problems. But I will say, my husband is a teacher too. He will have taught 20 years by 2011 with 1 year off (after Daughter was born). Sadly, he fears he may not be able to stand the stress of a dysfunctional administration. Claire's teaching career being derailed reminds me that their are many who have a story to tell and many have travelled a difficult path, many have stuggled more and have fought harder to overcome. Thank goodness Claire reached 23 years. That will help her pension quite a bit. We don't know what the future holds but we are sure it is in the hands of the creator. I am thankful but still it is hard. Claire is so unique, I think many of us will be waiting to see what she does with her time and talents. God bless ya!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 11, 2010 5:55 pm

hi maureen! it is difficult to accept next friday is her last day. we have to clean her room out. that will be tough. i hope your husband's administration chills out. my wife was ready to change schools after getting a new princpal 12 years ago. we understand the problems. blessings to your husband and yourself...hopefully he , the administrator, understands they are dealing with a VERY capable teacher...hell, you teach 20 years...he is a PRO!!

SFARNS303

Dec. 11, 2010 8:48 pm

Wow...I just stumbled across this blog, Gary - and what great folks there are on AR! Sending out prayers to you and Claire for an exciting new life journey together! You are blessed to have each other - enjoy the journey, and yes - the sooner you can let go of the rage, the sooner you can begin to enjoy your new life together! Many Blessings, and wishing you a joyful holiday season!

jules9955

Dec. 11, 2010 9:23 pm

Do you have any comment on the recipe? Yikes, I logged in to see how the metric conversions went and got this! Good luck with everything. I'm about to go skiing in Italy and wanted to make cookies while there if that makes anyone feel better.

Seamus O'Connor

Dec. 12, 2010 2:25 am

gderr, HUGS!! I had a couple teachers like that and we so need 'em! I wish all of you the best!! HUGS!!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 12, 2010 8:30 am

thanks sfarns! yes anger will not help anything. merry christmas!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 12, 2010 8:37 am

hi seamus! i'm like you i still remember the great ones and those that should be digging ditches. she expected a lot, but the rewards were insane by teacher standards. she has to buy boxes of cookies for her students. like all teachers, she has favorites...they have no idea they are though. it's the ones that give her trouble...adhd types i guess you could say, that stimulate her the most. as the lead gifted teacher at her school, she could assign them to other classes. she takes ALL of them. i tell her to divide them up.NO!

Not Julia

Dec. 12, 2010 10:43 am

Gary and Claire, I want to share my experience with you, because I had a very similar experience. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. I went from having an excellent job, great relationship (which I still have), opportunity to return to school to improve my employment status, all was going great until being slammed into the world of cancer. The cancer was hit hard and fast, treatment lasted a month, including surgery, chemo, and daily radiation sessions. I don't recommend it for anyone, but it did save my life. In the middle of treatment, I also lost my job due to the oncoming recession. But throughout all of this, the one lucky experience was that I was able to continue school, as I transferred to an online program at the same school. However, I still felt as if I had lost a huge part of my identity. Became despondent, and retreated into isolation. I also would get upset when people would ask me about how I was doing, I became a person with cancer, even though I successfully beat it. It took me some to realize that they weren't being nosey, but sincerely concerned. Slowly but surely, I have come to the point, almost 4 years later, that what happened I couldn't consider a gift, as some say; a gift like that I could do without. However, now that have come to some point of acceptance, I am beginning to see with clarity, all the different opportunities I still have, and am going to take advantage of them. None of this happened on my own. I had to learn to accept the value of the support of others, ask for help, receive advice, and not turn the experience into anger. All may not be lost to Claire, we need a lot of good teachers in the online education field. Perhaps she could hone some of her talents for teaching in that way; and she could do it from the comfort of her home. While entertaining and pursuing other interests. Just a suggestion. I wish you both a good holiday season, and an enterprising and exciting journey in the coming years. NJ

mynameislele

Dec. 12, 2010 4:50 pm

May God bless you and your Claire! You are both in my prayers! Much love to you all!

LAURENELYSE

Dec. 12, 2010 5:30 pm

Praying For You,Gary. Hugs & Prayers.

Maureen

Dec. 12, 2010 6:29 pm

Gary, I read Not Julia's comments. I know several people who teach an online course. So many ideas...lol

kwaka

Dec. 12, 2010 7:10 pm

My friend had 3 brain aneurisms 10 yrs ago. We went on a cruise March '10 and she had pain walking, so I suggested she try acupuncture. It has helped her with her numbers, speech and reading retention. Truly a miracle! God bless!

BethAnne61

Dec. 13, 2010 8:33 am

Sounds like you need to think of her needs right now and not your own. Don't be selfish... she is suffering not you.

K-Dub

Dec. 13, 2010 1:34 pm

gderr - I am so sorry to hear that Claire will have to end teaching but like so many others have said this may be an opportunity for you guys as well! You're a wonderful, caring and supporting husband. I believe no matter what happens you will both me happy! @BethAnne61 - read gderr's blog from the beginning. I think you'll change your opinion on being selfish. She may be the one suffering but I have no doubt gderr was suffering right along with her. Its what relationships are all about.

Carol Jaeger

Dec. 13, 2010 3:42 pm

I had to give up a job that I loved and worked hard to perfect for many many years. Although I was a mother, a sister,and a daughter being a good restaurant manager was how I defined myself. I fought for years trying to hold on to what was slipping away from me due to my M.S. progressing out of my control. I won't even try to pretend that I know how you feel or she feels or that I have any answers. What I can tell you is that you sound like a wonderful partner. Leaving one stage of life and trying to move into another is so very difficult made even more so when it isn't your(her)idea. I still have a hard time figuring out what to do with myself and this new way of being that doesn't include a job to go to or workers that need me. I had to get used to the idea that I wasn't able to financially contribute like I once had and some of my truly wonderful friends have moved on to other more active friendships but the one thing I, like your wife, do have still in my corner is my truly wonderful supportive husband and I am here to tell you that in itself has made All the Difference. We walk thru it-Carol

Pam-3BoysMama

Dec. 13, 2010 5:31 pm

Wow, Gary, I don't know how I missed your blog until now. I am sorry Claire has to stop doing what she loves. But I think you're right - she has a higher calling. She is a remarkable woman, and she's as lucky to have you as you are to have her. You'll both get through this. As for BethAnne62's insensitive comments above? She's very wrong. Loved ones do suffer right along with the "affected" person. I'm writing this right now watching my husband lift 5 pound weights, still battling back from a serious accident/injury that happened almost 7 months ago. I know his injury was hard on me and my children. You've been through so much more than this with Claire. You've been through a lot, and you're not being selfish one bit. As for not being truthful? You didn't lie, you just waited to tell all until you were comfortable. No one can or should hold that against you. :)

Pam-3BoysMama

Dec. 13, 2010 5:32 pm

Sorry, typo. It was BethAnne61 not 62.

Rohnda

Dec. 13, 2010 7:18 pm

Wow Gderr... I've been mostly off lately so I missed your post. I'm sorry that Claire has to leave what she loves most. I experienced that situation when my husband had to leave his career that he (like Claire) not only excelled in but more important loved. We have had some long conversations about our life and our new direction. It has been 10 years and he now views his leaving as a, "gift." So many doors have opened since he had that door closed on him. His happiness wasn't immediate, we had to work on it... It just sucks some time when you're so happy with what you're doing and for reasons we can't see now, you aren't able to continue in the direction you want. I'm sorry to hear about Claire's seizures. I know how you worry about her and how proud of her you are. Your family will be fine through all this because there is so much love in it. Who was it that said, "All you need is love?" Like I need an answer to that.... anyway, God bless you all and continue to love and be kind to each other like you have been and all will eventually reveal itself to you and your Claire.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 14, 2010 9:18 am

thank you not julia! i have to let go of my anger. you have been thru so much, cancer and loss of job. i'm so glad you made a recovery! we need inspirational folks in our lives, and you are a living example. claire will need time now to rest, but your suggestion is an excellent one, thanks!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 14, 2010 9:19 am

hi elle! thank you...happy holidays to you!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 14, 2010 9:20 am

hi kwaka! great name, btw! another avenue we have not considered! thank you!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 14, 2010 9:25 am

hi bet-ann! she was in a come for a month, never felt the pain...thank god! i was alone and scared with the decisions i had to make, some very critical ones. i hurt. i still don't understand why she was stricken and not me. i take care of her in every possible way i know how...it's difficultt seeing her mentally exhausted...searching for words that used to come so naturally. it pains me.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 14, 2010 9:30 am

hi k-dub! we have weathered some serious storms and saw a blue sky! we will again! thants for speaking out about beth-ann's post, but not needed. she may not have had a situation like this in her life, and hopefully never will.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 14, 2010 9:32 am

thank you carol! you are one coureageous woman! bless you! all things shall pass!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 14, 2010 9:36 am

hi pam! you are another here i consider a friend...so many here! i wish all of us could meet and have lunch! beth ann isn't being nasty, maybe unaware which hopefully is something she will never have to experience. i hope your hubby gets up to those 10lb weights soon!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 14, 2010 9:40 am

thank you rohinda! i agree this closing door will lead another. i'm so curious as to what direction she takes. we will survive...i still have her!

*eclectRicity*

Dec. 14, 2010 12:32 pm

Good luck to both of you - I know things will work out for you. So many comments I don't have time to read them all, so I don't know if anyone suggested this yet; has Claire thought about looking into a position at a private school? Is that an option for her? Whatever happens, I know you'll both come through shining!

JeanneCooks1

Dec. 15, 2010 1:27 am

God Bless you both.

sueb

Dec. 15, 2010 3:30 am

You are a richer person for having Claire in your life! You truly have been dealing with the "for better or worse" part of your marriage commitment, and are handling it very well! My heart goes out to both or you as you struggle to deal with the next phase you have coming up!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 15, 2010 5:39 pm

hki el! no the strain now is too much, it's about her health. any school would love to have her, she just can not physically or mentally able to continue now. maybe later.

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 15, 2010 5:44 pm

merry christmas jeena!

gderr the dysfunctional

Dec. 15, 2010 5:45 pm

thanks sueb! she said she is going to start cooking after she retires. i don't know whether or not be happy or scared.

luv2cook

Dec. 17, 2010 12:54 pm

gderr - Your blog has been the one I have kept up with. Never done that before. I'm concerned - was today Claire's last day at school? How is she doing? How are you doing? Please update us - there are lots of prayers going up for both of you.

KDStreet

Dec. 23, 2010 12:10 am

Hi Gary, Claire, and family. I have continued and do continue keeping you all in my prayers. Odd thing about doors in life... whether open or closed they are always an opportunity. May our loving Heavenly Father grant you both unity, peace, wisdom, and happiness in understanding and fulfilling His purpose for you in this opportunity. Love and grace to you all; and may you all celebrate with joy this holiday season.

TIE

Jan. 6, 2011 2:12 pm

May God Bless you, Claire and your family. God has just opened another new path for you and Claire and for your doors of opportunity to open even wider and better! Embrace this new path! TIE

Sarah Jo

Jan. 8, 2011 1:52 pm

Get a danged facebook already, Mr. Gary! ;)

saucymama

Jan. 24, 2011 7:53 am

Gderr, I just read all of your blogs and like so many others my heart has been touched by your experiences, your love for one another, your anger, your triumphs, the overwhelming outpouring of love from so many on this site....I could go on and on. I have No words of wisdom to offer, I will say LOVE THOSE AROUND YOU LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW...but you've already said that and are living that. I recently lost both my parents. Both way too young and unexpectedly, and understand the reality of how much we take for granted. I also wanted to let you know that I am a critical care nurse and always try to do my best for the people I care for and their families. Reading your blog has reinforced the importance of being proactive, explaining to family and patients what is going on, being real and being there. Nurses see so much and sometimes distance ourselves from the fear and pain that is being felt. I Also felt it important to let you know that through your blog you have informed people of the signs of hemorrhagic stroke, the challenges and setbacks that may be experienced and the very real emotions that go with traumatic experiences. In other words, you have helped so many without even knowing...touched so many hearts, modeled love, devotion, self-sacrifice and Claire she is the model of strength and perserverance. God Bless you both!!! I'd soooo love to give you both a hug.

Kathy

Jan. 26, 2011 2:59 pm

This is the first time I have read your blog...very touching & actually inspiring. Your Claire seems like an amazing woman. Someone who doesn't give up. She is beginning a new journey in life and, with you as her champion...she will continue to shine. You are both very lucky to have each other. God bless you & your Claire.

cstorm

Feb. 13, 2011 3:23 pm

When one door closes another opens. Have faith as she starts a new journey in her life. She is lucky to have such a loving and supportive husband by her side. Keep us all informed and know you aren't alone.

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gderr the dysfunctional

Living In
Columbus, Georgia, USA

Member Since
Mar. 2008

Cooking Level
Not Rated

Cooking Interests
Grilling & BBQ, Slow Cooking, Italian, Southern, Mediterranean, Healthy, Vegetarian, Gourmet

Hobbies
Gardening, Camping, Boating, Fishing, Reading Books, Music, Charity Work

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About Me

i enjoy cooking. the wife considers it a chore. i hate yard work. she loves it. we mesh. i love bass fishing, reading, music, baseball, college football and my family.

My favorite things to cook
i love vegetables, soups, and italian cusine.

My favorite family cooking traditions
holidays are a big deal! christmas is my time to shine. i try to add a new recipe each year, but the family demands pretty much the same menu. kinda frustrating!

My cooking triumphs
i cared for my mother in law about 3 months when she had shattered her shoulder. i didn't work, so money was tight. we survived on only wife's paycheck during that time. ma-n-law had diet restrictions. it was difficult to make cheap, nutritious meals everyone would eat. we prospered as a family and learned alot about each other's strenghths and weaknesses.

My cooking tragedies
a stove top fire. i explained that one already. the grill falling over was another one...oops grill season is here! i love the tragedies...those are the ones that i'll always remember!

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