Every Breath She Takes. - 1st blog...save blog name..ok. Blog at Allrecipes.com - 117185

1st blog...save blog name..ok.

Every breath she takes. 
 
Aug. 6, 2009 7:55 am 
Updated: Aug. 14, 2009 7:15 pm
  hi all. i got in from atlanta yesterday after spending the afternoon with claire. i met with a doctor that used a camera mounted on a small flexible tube inserted thru her nose to look at her vocal cords and throat. she has 50% blockage there. another surgery is planned. he will go thru her trach hole and down her mouth and "roto-rooter" out the scar tissue. her feeding and breathing tube, that i allowed to stay in for 3 weeks caused it. i'm beyond agony. i believe i caused this surgery. i knew she heeded more time to heal before the trach surgery. the doctor assures me it is a simple operation. i still feel horrible. her release date is still set for august 17th as far as i know. i'll be up their the 13th and stay for as long as her out-patient rehab takes. it could be a week to a month. she went out with a therapist and 3 other patients to a small mall and ate out at a restaurant. she told me she didn't want to go. she said people would look at her as a freak. i cried after getting off the phone with her and called her nurse and we convinced her to go. i'm going back up sunday and taking her mother if she is able to go. i went back to work finally this past saturday, and i've been productive. i know her spirt is weak now. i explained why i left the tubes in for 3 weeks and she knew i was doing what  a doctor, nurse and myself believed to be best for her. its still hard to make sense of that time. the wednesday before her trach surgery, a doctor wanted to know what the medical professionals should do in case she had a heart-attack, seizure, etc. during her trach and feeding tube surgieries. thurday, the next day, is when another doctor says her prgonsis is claire will be a vegetable. claire has still not responded in any way at this point. i felt her vocal cords (throat issue) could play 2nd fiddle to the bigger picture of reducing her blood clots, preventing others, allow for more time to make more blood platets, and become more conditioned to the new blood thinner medicine. i rolled the dice, i feel bad about another surgery, but i still think i made the right call. i hope everything is going great for ya kind folks! claire is otherwise, doing extrememly well and will emerge triumphant! i remember reading about someones lingering foot wound...prayes sent your way! thanks again my friends!
 
Comments
Aug. 6, 2009 8:00 am
I will continue to pray for you and your wife. Please know I'm in complete support, if there's anything you may need.
 
Aug. 6, 2009 8:04 am
Oh, Gderr, you DID do the right thing at the time and with the information that you were given. Any loving spouse would have done the same. I am so glad that Claire is progressing well enough to go out to eat and that she is scheduled for release this month. We continue to remember her, you and your girls in our prayers. Let us know the address for the rehab center if her stay is extended so we can continue to support her with our get well cards!
 
Aug. 6, 2009 8:12 am
we will be staying in the apartment at the shepherd center and i'll drive her to rehab every day in decatur, ga. about 20 minutes away. i belioeve the rehab center is called "pathways" it's an off-shoot by shepherds. again we were very fortunate to gain admission there. thanks for ya's support!
 
Aug. 6, 2009 8:13 am
Good to hear from you! We miss you! Glad you are back to work, that gives you some semblance of "normal" and probably allows you a much needed break to take your mind off all things medical! Don't second guess yourself! She is making progress, going to the mall is a great step!Hugs to both of you and my continued prayers! Love, Cindy
 
Aug. 6, 2009 8:13 am
thanks cindy i love ya!
 
Aug. 6, 2009 8:14 am
I pray for your wife everyday!! You can't blame yourself for this next surgery, like the doctor said, it's minor proceedure and who knows what she would be going through if you all had taken out the tubes too early, she might be going through worse things. Just focus on the positives, she is getting better and she'll be home soon!
 
Aug. 6, 2009 8:14 am
You absolutely did the right thing. When you are handed options to pick, you prioritize (sp?) and select the path of least resistance for the ultimate goal of "looking at the big picture". Please do not second guess yourself. Had the situation been reversed, she would have done the same for you, and you would have understood why. So does she. Gary, we're all here, we all have walked some of these baby steps with you, and we will again. Look back and see how much progress has already been made. You my friend are the lucky one, you still have her and she has you. Some of us, have lost our family members. Many hugs and prayers to you.
 
Julie 
Aug. 6, 2009 8:20 am
Gary, my heart aches reading your blog... Please know that you did the RIGHT thing with the information you had. Claire knows that you were thinking only of her and what you and the doctors thought was best. You have been a rock!!! As always thank you so much for the update and prayers will not stop for you and your beautiful Claire (((Hugs)))
 
Aug. 6, 2009 8:25 am
Yep, you did do the right thing - a lot of times the "right thing" causes little problems while dealing with bigger problems. This is nothing to feel guilty about! Oh, tell her not to worry about people looking at her funny - either that's just in her head, or those people would be idiots. There are plenty of compassionate, understanding and "been there, done that" people who will see her for what she really is - one strong woman who's an inspiration to us all! Good luck!
 
Ivy 
Aug. 6, 2009 8:27 am
(((gderr & claire))) Try not to rethink those decisions :) Praying that you both remain STRONG in heart & spirit!! Hope Claire felt good getting out. Glad you are productive at work. Each day brings her closer to good health, so hang in there! You are great to give us updates on here, know that many are praying for your whole family...you are loved. Have a good weekend!!
 
Aug. 6, 2009 8:35 am
Gary, Your love shines through every word you say. Always remember the goal is to have your family reunited at home with Claire by your side. All the decisions you make are made to achive that goal,even if the decisions might be hard ones. Don't doubt yourself. My prayes and thoughts continue to be sent your way. Mag
 
Aug. 6, 2009 8:37 am
so many great folks here! i love all of ya! she just called, and i explained how i made the decision to do what i did. the nurse plugged her trach again so we can talk. they will probably take it out at night and allow better breathing. i took my laptop upp there last week but could not get an internet connection, so unless i can find a computer there i'll be out of touch.
 
Aug. 6, 2009 8:40 am
Gary don't second guess yourself. Had you made a different choice she could be going through major surgery next. It's all going to work out for the good - mark my words. Keeping you guys in my thoughts and prayers....Kim
 
TIE 
Aug. 6, 2009 8:46 am
gderr, you and Claire are constantly on my mind and in my prayers for cotinued strength and for Claire to get better each day! Continued prayers and positive results for both of you!
 
Aug. 6, 2009 8:47 am
Don't blame yourself, Gary. You had to make decisions on Claire's behalf, without her input. I'm sure she won't hold that against you! Stay strong!
 
Aug. 6, 2009 9:01 am
'Course you did the right thing! I love reading your updates, Gary. She's made so much progress!! And things are going to keep on getting better!! *Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers*
 
sueb 
Aug. 6, 2009 9:04 am
Stop second guessing yourself. The decision was made back then with info that lead you to that decision. Now, you just have to go on with making current choices based on what you know now. I know, your choices aren't easy! Claire still loves you, and that's what counts! Hugs and prayers coming your way!
 
cbjc 
Aug. 6, 2009 9:04 am
Hi gderr! Please don't be so hard on yourself (easy for me to say) your decisions were based on information you received from healthcare professionals. I'm sure she understands that! It's great that she went out! It sounds like she is progressing well. Sending warm, postitive thoughts your way! Stay strong! ((hugs)) Cara
 
JNB 
Aug. 6, 2009 9:14 am
Its great to hear she's doing well. Dont blame yourself for the decisions you made. Speaking as someone who was in a coma and had a breathing tube and trach for an extended period of time, I would never second guess the decisions my husband made for me based on the medical info he was given. Being able to see the "big picture" is a good thing. Scar tissue from tubes is just part of it at times. I still have some in my throat and have occaisional swallowing/choking issues. It gets better as time goes on. Claire will be fine, you'll see. Take care of you and her, you both are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there!!
 
Aug. 6, 2009 9:24 am
Prayers for you both.
 
Aug. 6, 2009 9:41 am
thanks jnb! glad to hear everything worked out for you. i'm glad to hear from someone that has been thru these trying times. claire is amazing.
 
njmom 
Aug. 6, 2009 9:51 am
gderr, you will always *find* something to second guess yourself on; it's human nature. but, don't be too hard on yourself. claire is doing great, and will continue to do so. keeping you and all of your girls in my prayers, god bless.
 
Aug. 6, 2009 10:03 am
gary, I am so happy I knew god would bring claire through. I wanna meet ya'll when she gets back home.I live in Columbus as well. I make good cinnamon rolls and homead bread and would love to make some for you all.Bubba
 
Aug. 6, 2009 10:07 am
Wow! Claire has come so far and I'm so glad to hear! I'm so excited for her and you that she'll be coming home soon!
 
Aug. 6, 2009 10:32 am
thanks breaddaddy! it seems she has lost her sweet tooth. but gained a sense of humor. weird behavior indeed. she said, jokingly, that fat people should have a stroke to lose weight. did i mention that 2 weeks ago she could not talk and as i was leaving i asked her what i could bring back to her. i was trying to read her lips, and i thought she requested shampoo. i said<"shampoo?" no she mouthed...shamwow. she busted out laughing.
 
Aug. 6, 2009 10:45 am
Gary, you ALL are still in my thoughts and prayers everyday. I am soooo excited about all the progress she is making and super glad to hear that she will be coming home soon! Give her lots of hugs and some to you too. &hearts;
 
Maggi 
Aug. 6, 2009 10:56 am
Prayers and warm thoughts continue from Michigan. I think of all of your family daily and pray for all of you.
 
Aug. 6, 2009 11:27 am
You did the right thing. You can't dwell on the "what if's" and "if only's". Looking at the bigger picture while appreciating the baby steps is a good thing. I continue to keep you, Claire and your family in my prayers. Love to you, Cyndi
 
Aug. 6, 2009 12:30 pm
Bless your heart, shug. Like Bill Clinton, I can feel your pain. It is counterproductive to second guess yourself at this point. You all did the best you could with the available information. Forge ahead and don't look back. Trying to send positive energy and prayers for you both, as well as your girls. It's got to be tough on them too. Blessings to all of you.
 
Aug. 6, 2009 2:48 pm
Gary - you didn't cause any of this. Healthcare professionals offered their input and obviously agreed with your decision. I had damage from a trach tube, had the surgery, and still have issues with my voice, but I am alive and I can breathe. That is what counts. I am so delighted for her progress and I just know Claire will continue to improve under the warmth of your love. We are still praying for you and the family. God Bless You All, Chris
 
alafan 
Aug. 6, 2009 3:03 pm
Gary, so glad to hear from you, and do not second guess anything or any decision you have made. You have done exactly what you thought was best for your dear wife. God has a plan for your lives, just let him lead you in His path. We continue to pray for you and Claire in SC. GOD BLESS!
 
cstorm 
Aug. 6, 2009 5:29 pm
You made the right call. Don't second guess, it is nonproductive. Continued prayers to you all. Also, if her mom opens mail, it's ok-she feels helpless-her baby is sick and she is looking for something to fill the time and feel like she is doing something
 
Elle 
Aug. 6, 2009 7:20 pm
What can I say that has not been said? You did what seemed best-and probably was best. She is still with you-that is what is important. Continued thoughts and prayers for you daily!
 
Aug. 6, 2009 9:17 pm
You know Gary, who's to say what is right for one person or the other, you made the best choice for Claire that you could! I'm happy you are back at work. How are the girls? Good I hope! Will keep you and the family in my prayers! God Bless you, for what a REAL man looks like!! A real man sucks it up and takes care of HIS family! YOU are a Rock! Kiss the girls and your wife extra tight! take care, Gos Speed! Patty
 
Rohnda 
Aug. 7, 2009 7:33 am
Wow!! Such wonderful progress. Sounds like you could qualify for a degree in medical care!! And yes, you made the best decision. You do what you can with the information you're given plus what your heart says and knows about Claire. What an incredible few months you and your family have had. Stay strong and we'll all do what we can on this end with prayers and good thoughts... anything else you need? Just mention it and we'll all jump on it-- Rohnda
 
Aug. 7, 2009 8:26 am
Heyyy wait just a minute! I didn't get to go to the mall when I was in the hospital!! (But then again, being in intensive care with the flu, pneumonia, a butt-load o' pulmonary blood clots and a couple o' severed patella tendons just might've had something to do with it... Ya think?! LOL) I am please that God is so at work in your lives and that Claire is coming through this. Even though I have not seen, I STILL BELIEVE! Grace, peace, and strength to you all. KDStreet
 
Suzey 
Aug. 7, 2009 10:40 am
Gary, we are all faced with making decisions regarding our loved ones and do the best we can. I believe that God gives us the strength and information we need to make the right decisions at the right time. Continued prayers for your family.
 
Sooze 
Aug. 7, 2009 11:20 am
Hey Gary...try to look at the big picture through all of this. Claire has come so far!! You have done everything right and nothing wrong...Claire is so fortunate to have you. Your love and support has been completely unwaivering. Take good care. Sue
 
plzeat 
Aug. 7, 2009 3:59 pm
You gave God time to make a miracle. Do not second guess yourself. You, Clair and your girls will remain in my thoughts and prayers.
 
jeanie 
Aug. 7, 2009 4:20 pm
Gary, My husband and I have been going through a rough 10 years with a daughter addicted to drugs. It has been pure hell at times but it has brought us closer together. I can see you and Claire growing closer. My Mom gave me a picture that says "God doesn't give us what we can handle: God helps us handle what we are given." And that is so true. God bless you both! I pray for you daily.
 
Aug. 7, 2009 4:37 pm
Gary, I lost my dear husband in 2007 and at first I had some "what if's" and "maybey's" but realized that I made the best decisions I could at the time with the information I had and the outcome didn't depend on me anyway. It was all in God's hands. Thank you for keeping us informed with Claire's progress. I am so glad to hear such good news with each new step she makes. Your love for each other is so strong and will be even stronger after going through this together. You all are loved and in my prayers always Ginny
 
Aug. 7, 2009 10:07 pm
heck of a rollercoaster so for. i am so sorry for the trials we have been subjected to. life seems so unfair at times. this shall pass, i have seen great understanding, compassion and gratitude. my heart aches for each and all kind souls that have helped me in my wife's healing process. so many brave stories of courage and perservance...so up-lifting. thank you all. your stories have touched me on a level i took for granted.
 
redhot 
Aug. 8, 2009 1:07 pm
Don't beat yourself up over the decision. Claire has come so far from that point, and your love and support have definitely played a part in that! We pray she continues to be strong and improve. May God watch over you on the upcoming leg of you journey. I hope and pray the rehab goes well and you both grow and heal together. God Bless.
 
Aug. 8, 2009 1:26 pm
Gary, You have been a rock for Claire & made the best decision you could at the time. Thanks for all the updates on Claire & know that we all are rejoicing at her amazing progress & hoping it continues for bodth of you. Peace, Faith, & Love to you & yours!
 
Aug. 8, 2009 9:20 pm
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I have not been here much, but think of you. Remember to rest also, for you and do not hesitate to ask for help from those around you... family, friends, churchs, community, now is the time you need them also. Do not try to be proud and do it all, we all need help in life to stay strong. (((HUGS))) to you my friend!! xoxo
 
alafan 
Aug. 9, 2009 2:05 pm
Hi Gary, Having been in the same profession and position you are in for twenty+ years, please take it easy. It can be stressful and many long hours, just be careful and do not burn yourself out anymore than you are. I agree with Cheesecakemama take advantage of any help you can get. Many thoughts and prayers still being lifted for you and Claire from SC. GOD BLESS!
 
Aug. 9, 2009 8:54 pm
Gary, much of the time we worry about things we have decided or done or said or.... It's just wasted worry. You did what was right. Don't look back. This will have a good outcome. Just think positively like you have through all this. We're all right behind you.
 
Aug. 9, 2009 10:50 pm
Hi Gary - I thought I had a comment on here the other day, but either I forgot to hit "post" or the internet ate it. As everyone else has already said, you made the right decision based on the best information you had from the medical professionals. Sometimes you have to choose a little bitta bad to avoid a whole lotta worse. I know Claire understands. She's come this far already because you've been there for her every step of the way, so put away any guilt you might feel, because there's no reason for it. She's so lucky to have you. I'm keeping you all in my thoughts. Things will continue to get better. :)
 
christyscrivner 
Aug. 10, 2009 8:02 am
Hi Gary! chris started school last thursday and we were all missing mrs derr! let her know that her normal class syllabus was handing out and everyone is staying on task just waiting for her to be well and return to Richards Gifted program! We went on a youth retreat with our church this weekend and several youth lifted mrs derr up in prayer during our devotion and worship time. They all love her - they will get a kick out of the shamwow story!
 
Ivy 
Aug. 11, 2009 10:56 am
praying for yall gderr, stay strong :)
 
Keri 
Aug. 12, 2009 12:59 pm
I am so glad you and the nurse were able to convince Claire to go out to eat at the mall. I'm sure the outing did her a world of good! She's NOT a freak and anyone who might look at her that way should visit The Shepherd's Center for a day. I'm still including you, Claire, Moose, and Gator in my thoughts and prayers. She's talking! WOW!! God has done incredible things for your family. Hold strong to your faith and remember, this war WILL be won by winning one small battle at a time.
 
Aug. 14, 2009 7:15 pm
Thank you for updating on Claire's progress. I continue to hope and pray for the best for you and your family.
 
 
 
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gderr the dysfunctional

Living In
Columbus, Georgia, USA

Member Since
Mar. 2008

Cooking Level
Not Rated

Cooking Interests
Grilling & BBQ, Slow Cooking, Italian, Southern, Mediterranean, Healthy, Vegetarian, Gourmet

Hobbies
Gardening, Camping, Boating, Fishing, Reading Books, Music, Charity Work

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About Me
i enjoy cooking. the wife considers it a chore. i hate yard work. she loves it. we mesh. i love bass fishing, reading, music, baseball, college football and my family.
My favorite things to cook
i love vegetables, soups, and italian cusine.
My favorite family cooking traditions
holidays are a big deal! christmas is my time to shine. i try to add a new recipe each year, but the family demands pretty much the same menu. kinda frustrating!
My cooking triumphs
i cared for my mother in law about 3 months when she had shattered her shoulder. i didn't work, so money was tight. we survived on only wife's paycheck during that time. ma-n-law had diet restrictions. it was difficult to make cheap, nutritious meals everyone would eat. we prospered as a family and learned alot about each other's strenghths and weaknesses.
My cooking tragedies
a stove top fire. i explained that one already. the grill falling over was another one...oops grill season is here! i love the tragedies...those are the ones that i'll always remember!
 
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