She's So Strong - 1st blog...save blog name..ok. Blog at Allrecipes.com - 109336

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she's so strong 
 
Jun. 22, 2009 10:48 pm 
Updated: Jun. 26, 2009 9:18 am
i'm so weak...my heart is breaking. i'm trying to show a strong outside for moose and gator ..it's getting harder to maintain. she's physically better but she is not yet with me. she still needs a breathing and feeding tube. she is still in the icu. the nurses have been great. the cards are pouring in from the many kind folks from here. my love and appreciation goes out to each and all of you. she is so well loved . she should have been at National History Day  finals  at the university of maryland instead of in the hospital. one of her 5 participants up there won 1st place in the nation. it was a tri-board exhibit. i have not looked it up but another that was up there said that. i guess it was a tri-board...that's claire's expertise. it might be the 1st...1st place in this city's participation . i'm so proud of claire. sorry, okay back  to her. she cannot speak. i think she responds to me, i ask her to squeeze my fingers she has not yet. i know she will. everyone knows her asks how she is doing. it is so hard for me to be suportive  of them when i have nothing really to tell them. "how's she doing?,  "pretty much the same" i reply. then the other questions come..." is her eyes open....can she talk...is she in a private room." of course things could be worse right, she could have died when the hemmorage occured. i still count myself lucky to see her breathing...she is strong as an ox! i look at the end of the couch, she sits there with her lap-top and is always doing something to benefit someone else, ( checking ebay for things her students may need in a presentation, finding something cool for the girls apartments, making sure i haven't over-drawn the checking account and of course making sure her princpal has not e-,ailed her a new task.)  she is an amazing woman . this is baby steps...our family doctor said that the breathing tube must come out, feeding tube as well i guess. if she is not strong enough they will do a trach and insert a tube to stomach for food. 2 more operations...so much pain and possibilities for infection. she does not deserve this. i've prayed hard and long that i be allowed to take her place. i drink and now have begun smoking again, i high blood-pressure. perfect candiate for a brain hemmorage not her. i'm mad and feel helpless. my beloved claire is suffering and i can't help her. i'm sorry i guess i just need to get this out. .please say another prayer for her thank you.
 
Comments
Jun. 23, 2009 12:41 am
I hear your pain and your frustration, and my heart breaks for you. The next time somebody local asks if there is anything they can do, tell them yes, you need a buffer, someone to answer all those questions from other people and deflect some of the stress off you. I know that answering the same question over and over is not only tedious, it is like rubbing salt into an alredy painful wound. You don't have to be the only strong one, Gary, give someone else some of that weight you are carrying. You need to do this because Claire will need you at your strongest in the days and weeks ahead, when she has recovered more and starts working on rehabilitation. Taking care of yourself is for more than your own benefit and that of the girls; it is a benefit -- actually, a necessity -- for Claire. If you need to rant, this is a good place. We'll let you rant as much as you need to and still love you and support you and pray for you.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 1:35 am
Oh,My GDear....I am lost for words...tears are stopping me from typing...I keep praying for Claire and the girls...but mostly for you.Keep hope and strength inside yourself...so when she wakes up, you are fresh faced and smiling! Please take of yourself, try to eat right, rest well, and take a break every once in a while to smell the roses. Do you feel my hug? Love ya guy !Cindy (and Cotton wearing her flag kerchief... 4th of July is coming,I have to dress her up...she loves it!) I know you will appreciate that!
 
Kitten 
Jun. 23, 2009 1:40 am
You have my prayers. Prayes for Claire and for you and for the girls. I am so very, very sorry. Annie
 
Jun. 23, 2009 1:48 am
Gary, you have so much built up emotion, trying to keep your chin up for the girls, sit down and have a good cry, you need to let it out so you can rebuild your strength. Hugs and prayers and good wishes, you are in my thoughts and in my heart.
 
Nmb3 
Jun. 23, 2009 2:16 am
She will get through this, you will all get through this. Take care of yourself, Claire and your daughters need you. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 2:47 am
You are all in my thoughts. Stay strong.
 
SD_GAL 
Jun. 23, 2009 3:09 am
Still praying, and God's still listening...
 
pam 
Jun. 23, 2009 3:27 am
Prayers are sent your way! Prayers for strength, support, faith, hope, and healing. ♥
 
Jun. 23, 2009 3:45 am
Love and prayers continue to be offered up. Take care.
 
Maggi 
Jun. 23, 2009 3:58 am
We continue to pray for all of you. Please take care of yourself, Gderr.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 4:00 am
Prayers and God's Peace be with you and your family.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 4:09 am
Gary, yes she is with you!! You can draw strength from each other during this time of crisis. Don't let her feel you weakening. Let who she is boost your strength, your reserve to be there for her as she is there for you! Don't cave in now, Buddy. We're all behind you and the number of prayers that are made for Claire, you, your children are too numerous to count and they are done throughout the day and night. So, my friend, you are not alone!! God bless.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 4:29 am
Gary, just know that I am here thinking of and praying for Claire, you and the girls, and I wont stop. Please, stay strong and hang in there. Claire is gonna come out of this, I just know it! ♥
 
stacey 
Jun. 23, 2009 4:33 am
Oh gderr, I am still praying hard for your family. Wishing you all the best.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 4:40 am
Gderr I am so sorry you and your family are suffering. Claire is in my prayers and so are you.. She is a strong woman and WILL survive this, I am praying for the day she wakes up and you are able to tell her how much you love her. We are all here for you!
 
Jun. 23, 2009 4:41 am
I know it's hard, but do stay strong! She is healing, but it takes time. It's amazing what the human body can do. In my heart I know she knows you're there. ♥
 
Jun. 23, 2009 4:48 am
Gderr, she is mending, but no one can really tell that right now. She will keep getting strength from all that you do and say. I know she hears everything because a friend of mine said when she was in this same predicament that she could. Keep strong. We're all with you.
 
RMSR 
Jun. 23, 2009 4:54 am
Prayers and happy thoughts sent your way! Healing takes time, and we'll be here to help you get through this. *hugs*
 
Jun. 23, 2009 5:00 am
Always remember that God is watching over you and your family.My prayers are with you and all your girls. Mag
 
jennkl 
Jun. 23, 2009 5:04 am
Happy thoughts and prayers for you and your girls. Keep your head up and know that when she is able to be with you again you two will have a whole new love for one another! ♥
 
Jun. 23, 2009 5:08 am
Gary, I can't imagine what you are going through and I'm not going to pretend. But I do know that God is listening. His time table isn't always our time table. While it's hard to just sit and wait, remember that He's constantly working to make sure Claire heals completely. Keep talking to her - tell her what you've told us. Your complete and utter love will help speed that healing process. May peace be with you and the girls as you wait for your beloved....Kim
 
Jena 
Jun. 23, 2009 5:19 am
My prayers haven't stopped for your beloved and for your entire family as well. I wish there was more I could do. You are a strong person, stronger than you know because you've had a strong woman by your side for all these many years.
 
Tree 
Jun. 23, 2009 5:29 am
you are so strong; your strength is a lesson to everyone here. Now, would Claire want you smoking? She and your kids need your strength. There will be a time to let go.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 5:43 am
Oh, GDerr, I wish I could do more for you all, but I can only pray that God's plan for Claire is a full recovery. As others have stressed, you must be strong for her and the girls, BUT you must take care of yourself. Please - you want to be there healthy and whole when she returns to you. So if you think you are drinking and/or smoking too much, you need to get a grip...I know, it's easy for me to sit here and give advice. But we care and we are concerned. Be safe...
 
Jun. 23, 2009 5:43 am
Remember to take care of yourself gderr; she's going to need you to be (physically and mentally) strong. I continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts!
 
Jun. 23, 2009 5:49 am
Gary - Your pain comes through in your post. You seem to be holding a lot of it in. You need to talk to someone like a Pastor,Clergy or the hospital Chaplin, who are professionals and have dealt with these situations. Although, this is a great place to vent, perhaps someone in person could help as well. Prayers are still being said. . .
 
Jun. 23, 2009 5:59 am
Gderr, I continue to keep you and Claire and your girls in my prayers.
 
Julie 
Jun. 23, 2009 6:00 am
You and Claire are in my prayers and on my mind! Her body knows what it needs more than anyone does and it is healing, she sounds like a strong wonderful woman and she will come back to you. You just have to stay strong yourself and like January said find you a buffer person that can answer all questions for you. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family! I totally understand the smoking, you quit once and when Claire is home you can quit again. Thank you for updating us, and by all means if you need to get things out, we are all here for you!!
 
Jun. 23, 2009 6:01 am
My prayers are still strong for you and Claire, and the girls also. With an illness like this, as I have experienced similar in my life with loved ones, you sometimes question your hope, but it's so mentally draining and you feel you have to just break down, but then get back up and continue the fight. She is doing the "same", but didn't go in reverse...she will move forward and heal, it takes time, a lot of time. Please keep your head up with positive thoughts, you have a strong group of people and friends supporting your family..Love, Cyndi
 
CGG 
Jun. 23, 2009 6:05 am
May God bless and keep your family close to his heart. As so many wonderful people here, I have also kept you and your family in my prayers. I will continuet to pray for Claire's complete recovery and for strength and understanding for you and the girls.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 6:16 am
I won't even pretend to know what you are going through. I just continue praying for Claire,you and the girls. God is listening to my humble prayers and my requests have changed as I read your posts. I will pray that while Claire heals, your spirit stays strong and will have a refreshing of peace and strength that comes from above. I am continuing to pray that soon you will be looking into the eyes of your beloved soulmate and seeing her love for you...Our prayers, love, and thoughts are with you. Rachael & Aaron
 
Ivy 
Jun. 23, 2009 6:23 am
((((gderr))))Hoping that Claire responds to you soon & that it comforts both your hearts & bodies. Venting & sharing is healthy, may it increase your strength! Praying that God covers you in hopefulness & assurance of Claire's recovery. May He bless you with renewed strength....~~hugs & prayers
 
Blazer 
Jun. 23, 2009 6:33 am
gdeer, my heart is aching for you. The screen is blurry from the tears in my eyes. Please try and stay strong and keep your health up, Claire and your girls need you. You need to let your pain out, have a good cry, scream and curse if you have to. I am praying for all of you.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 6:58 am
Gderr, I'm praying for Claire & your family still. I'm praying that God grants you strength in this time of need. I can't even imagine the pain & frustration you're going through, but know that many people care and are keeping the prayers going. Take care!
 
Jun. 23, 2009 7:52 am
Gderr, your wife & family are in my daily prayers, I hope she comes back to you soon! In the meantime, don't be afraid to lean on your girls a little, they are the perfect combination of you & your wife and are stronger than you realize. I now it's hard right now, but try to take comfort in God right now & give over the weight on your heart for Him to carry.
 
alafan 
Jun. 23, 2009 8:00 am
Just some advice from someone who has been where you are; when someone offers to help or ask what they can do, tell them! Take them up on answering phone calls or sitting in waiting room and answering questions etc. People really want to help so take them up on it. In the mean time many people in SC are still praying for you, Claire and girls. God Bless!
 
tanya 
Jun. 23, 2009 8:07 am
Be strong, Gderr.You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers daily.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 8:09 am
Please know that prayers and thoughts are coming from thousands of miles away. You do need your strenght now for yourself, your girls and your bride. Keep talking, to her, to your pastor, to us, anytime you need to, but when you need your alone time, please for the sake of all involved, take it and let someone else carry this tremendous burden for a bit. Take care.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 8:11 am
I think of you and Claire everyday. I woke up during the night last night with her on my mind and said a prayer for both of you. Take care.((hugs))
 
Jun. 23, 2009 8:23 am
As a widow, I understand your pain. I will continue to pray for a miracle.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 8:25 am
Gderr, my heart is aching for you. What more can I say, everyone has all ready said it and I agree with them. I think of you and Claire all the time. It will get better and so will Claire. Big (((hugs))) from Oregon. Any time you need to talk we will be here. Take care Buddy, Jan
 
Jun. 23, 2009 8:26 am
You're in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and know you have a great community here to turn to in your time of need!
 
Jun. 23, 2009 8:32 am
GDerr, you are probably tired of hearing all the positive things and seeing no change. Please don't lose faith in God. He works in strange ways. Do what you need to do to stay strong (even if that means smoking and a drink now and then) as Claire needs your strength too. Keep talking to her, keep holding her hand, keep asking for a sign. She is in there. Hug the girls and let them know that it's ok to be scared. My family will continue to keep you and yours in our thoughts and prayers. Remember, if there is anything your AR family can do, we are here for you.
 
katieo 
Jun. 23, 2009 8:38 am
So very many healing prayers have been said for Claire; strength and comfort prayers for you and the girls....and of course they will continue. I think of her often and that always equates into a prayer. Strong hugs and love you to, my friend.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 9:07 am
Gary, I am praying constantly for you and Claire; please know that our God is faithful - He does hear our prayers. His timing is not always our timing, but He knows all things, which we don't. My encouragement to you (and this is not a rebuke; but a kind word because you are so loved) is to try to draw your strength from the Master Physician who wants you to be strong and whole for Claire, and for yourself. I'm sure I'd be having a drink or six also, to numb my mind at times to get thru. If you can, try to avoid some of those times and spend time reading the Bible to Claire as a huge help to her and to you. We do have an anemy out there, in the spiritual realm, who wants to destroy us. The best way to defeat him is to turn towards Jesus, and be on our knees in prayer (I know you already are on your knees!) and reading His Word. Don't let the enemy win! It is not easy, but there is an army of believing saints here praying with and for you. Glorify the Lord, and let Him have His way in your heart, and let Him strengthen you! We love you and Claire so much. Remember, we are weak, but HE is strong!
 
Jun. 23, 2009 9:24 am
Hey Gary.. I know there's still a battle ahead for Claire but she will get through this as will you and the kids. I'm still sending prayers for her and for you all. Try not to let it overwhelm you as it so easily can sometimes. Take a little time for you... to just be still and quiet and put everything out of your head. You and your family are in my thoughts.
 
cbjc 
Jun. 23, 2009 9:43 am
I think about you and your family everyday and send positive thoughts your way. It must be so frustrating...I can't imagine what you and the girls are going through! It sounds like you are doing a good job staying strong. You need to vent every now and then to relieve the pressure! Don't feel guilty about the smoking or drinking. I'm sure she would understand. Please take care of yourself as well as you are taking care of everyone else! ((hugs)) Cara
 
Jun. 23, 2009 9:45 am
Gderr, I'm so glad you're posting updates. My sweet husband of (only) 11 years was recently diagnosed with thyroid cancer when I was almost 6 months pregnant, and that was such a blow. It's been difficult for us, and tomorrow he has to have a treatment of radioactive iodine to kill any remaining cancer cells, and this means he has to be isolated from pregnant women (me) and kids (our 7 year old daughter) for a week. There is a song that has helped me so much over the past few months by Casting Crowns, and I'll post it in a separate link below--listen to the words. My point here is, God could have taken my husband away from me which would have been completely devastating, but he is here, just like Claire is still here, and God is with us. I pray that you find some comfort in this inspirational song, and please take care of yourself during this time. You know that you need to stay strong, but it's OK to cry. Please continue to update everyone.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 9:45 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw&feature=PlayList&p=CED9EF3BCA23DA20&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=32
 
Jun. 23, 2009 10:45 am
You know what? It's okay to be weak. You don't have to be strong all the time, and anyone in your shoes would feel just as you are now. But stay positive, which it sounds like you are. I hope the best for Claire and you all are on my mind frequently.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 10:50 am
Hey Gderr, Hang in there, one day at a time!!...Please take care of yourself, take some time for you and go somewhere private and ...maybe scream, cry, do something physically exhausting, whatever works for you, prayers for you, Claire, and the girls too!!
 
Jun. 23, 2009 11:11 am
Claire, you and the girls are in my prayers. Claire is healing from the inside out, and this takes time. Keep strong, you can do it! Love ya. Celeste
 
Jun. 23, 2009 11:24 am
I agree with one day at a time, for there will come a day that all this will change, Claire will respond and squeeze your hand. Take care of yourself, my friend! Continued thoughts and prayers for all of you.
 
sueb 
Jun. 23, 2009 11:26 am
I understand that you are in a tough situation! I can only offer words of comfort and encouragement, although it seems like so little! Please tell Claire and your daughters that you love them, let them know that you are a family no matter what happens! You're all in my prayers!
 
Jun. 23, 2009 12:20 pm
I often think of your beloved Claire and pray not only for her, but for you and your girls as well. Please find the strength you need for your family through God, your family and your friends.
 
TIE 
Jun. 23, 2009 12:27 pm
Continued prayers for your Claire, for you and your daughters. May each of you strengthen together and especially Claire,
 
Jun. 23, 2009 2:54 pm
continuing to pray for your beloved Clair's recovery, her doctors, you and the girls. Take good care of yourself, gderr, she'll need a healthy gderr to look after her when she comes home!
 
Jun. 23, 2009 3:41 pm
Try to stay strong for your daughters but at the same time it's okay to show your emotions. You are human and sometimes you just have to let it all out. Cry out loud, yell, scream do whatever you need to do. I can't begin to imagine how you feel. Have faith in God. We will keep praying for you and your family.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 7:44 pm
Gary, Let go and Let God. You don;t have to carry this whole load by yourself. If you need to smoke to get through, do it. If you need a drink to get through, only do it if you can so it safely. If you want to come on here and be angry and rant, do it. Whatever you need to do to get yourself through, do it. My family and I pray daily for you, Claire, the girls and the medical staff. God Bless you all.
 
Jun. 23, 2009 8:12 pm
gderr-you have a heavy load to carry & I hear your pain. Do what you have to to get some relief. Know that many prayers & healing thoughts are coming to you, Claire & your entire family. Keep talking to Claire & asking for a response-I will pray that you get one soon. Please do not give up hope & try to find that inner strength & thanks for keeping us updated. God Bless!
 
Jun. 23, 2009 9:10 pm
I wish I knew what to say, Gary. Stay strong; Claire can feel your presence and your endless love. Your girls are there for you as much as you are for them, don't forget that. They are old enough that you can lean on them too a little bit. Hugs.
 
Jess 
Jun. 23, 2009 10:08 pm
Gderr, my prayers are with you, your family, and your wife. Keep celebrating the small victories! My grandfather had a severe stroke several years back with massive bleeding. It was a long road, but he IS much better now. Take care of yourself! You need to be healthy for your wife, she needs you! Again, my prayers are with you! Jess
 
Jun. 23, 2009 10:10 pm
I'm so sorry Gary you are going through this. I know it's not fair but you have no choice but to keep moving forward. Your children need you! Please stop smoking! I will pray for you and your sweet Claire!
 
Jun. 23, 2009 11:10 pm
Gary, It's all so unfair but I know that it is not ours to question. Our God is a good and loving God. We must never forget that. January is so right. You shouldn't carry all the pain yourself. Please reach out to those around you. When someone offers help, they sincerely mean it. Remember, we all need to be needed. And if we can't help each other than what good are we. ALL of your emotions are okay. Cry, scream, hell, break something if it makes you feel better. It's easy for me to say but please try and take care of you. I know that horrible feeling of when you're asleep and for that split second when you awaken you forget and then it all comes rushing back like a ton of bricks. But you will make it my friend because you have the strongest weapon of all- LOVE. And your sweet angel Claire is getting stronger everyday because of that love. Please don't be afraid of the new feeding tube. My grandpa had one inserted at age 98 and I learned how to feed him and keep it clean.(This is coming from the girl who fainted when she had her ears pierced)! He had no pain from it and the incision is so small. I so wish I could be of help to all you guys. If you need to talk to someone, I sincerely mean from the bottom of my heart that I am here for you and your family anytime of the day or night. My cell is 848-448-2767. If there is anything at all that we can do to help just ask and it is yours. God be with you, Gary and Claire. Goodnight for now. Your friend, Jayne.
 
mary 
Jun. 24, 2009 1:44 pm
Gary, as so many have said, your feelings are normal. What you have experienced is so similar to what one experiences when there is a death. You are going through a grieving period. It's OK to have those feelings. I'm concerned about you. Yes, you can pray but you also need a physical, human being with whom you are comfortable in sharing all of your thoughts and feelings. There are trained people such as grief counselors, pastors, etc, search them out. It isn't a weakness to have these feelings. I'm concerned though that if you keep all of these feelings bottled up that they will consume you. It's great that you share them here. Please continue to do so. Will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers, especially that you find some one to lean on.
 
Jun. 24, 2009 8:15 pm
Gary,as all the others have said, my prayers for you, Claire and your girls are still going up and I know God doesnt sleep. He hears them all and His love never stops. Please remember, it is okay to be angry,even at God if necessary. He can handle it! I pray for Gods arms to be around you and hold you and Close. Ilost my darling almost two years ago so I know your pain. Please know we are here anytime you need us and we love you. Ginny
 
Jun. 24, 2009 8:16 pm
Gary,as all the others have said, my prayers for you, Claire and your girls are still going up and I know God doesnt sleep. He hears them all and His love never stops. Please remember, it is okay to be angry,even at God if necessary. He can handle it! I pray for Gods arms to be around you and hold you and Claire close. I lost my darling almost two years ago so I know your pain. Please know we are here anytime you need us and we love you. Ginny
 
Keri 
Jun. 25, 2009 11:28 am
Gary, feel free to let it all out any time you need to. We're all ready to listen and be that virtual shoulder to cry on. I am still praying for Claire as well as you and the girls. I can't pretend to understand what you're going through, never having been there myself, but please know that my thoughts, prayers, hugs, and love are right there with you! Hang in there, hun, and never be afraid to lean completely on God. He'll always be there for you. Take a few minutes to yourself and allow yourself to cry once in a while. It's emotionally AND physically good for you. We love you, buddy!
 
Jun. 25, 2009 11:58 am
Well there's some good news... I know what it's like to not know, and have to be strong. It's the toughest thing you've ever been put thru. I'm so very sorry, but glad to hear the little progress she has made. Just like you said baby steps and we are all praying for her to recover fully. Remember One Day at a Time, it really helps thru times like these.
 
Jun. 25, 2009 12:03 pm
Will keep praying for Claire and you and your family.
 
njmom 
Jun. 25, 2009 1:59 pm
you have to take care of yourself; for claire and your girls. prayers will continue to come your way. time and patience, while both are hard to come by, will eventually help. try to stay strong.
 
Jun. 25, 2009 8:05 pm
How difficult this must be...I can't even imagine. I truly believe she knows you are there. God gave us a memory for a reason--to recall the wonderful times in the face of hard, difficult times, so keep reflecting on those wonderful times and just as a "friend", lay the cigerettes down in a few days, because your kids and future grandkids need YOU as well...
 
Jun. 26, 2009 9:18 am
Life is so unfair sometimes. Stay strong, she needs that. I am praying for you all every day.
 
 
 
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gderr the dysfunctional

Living In
Columbus, Georgia, USA

Member Since
Mar. 2008

Cooking Level
Not Rated

Cooking Interests
Grilling & BBQ, Slow Cooking, Italian, Southern, Mediterranean, Healthy, Vegetarian, Gourmet

Hobbies
Gardening, Camping, Boating, Fishing, Reading Books, Music, Charity Work

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About Me
i enjoy cooking. the wife considers it a chore. i hate yard work. she loves it. we mesh. i love bass fishing, reading, music, baseball, college football and my family.
My favorite things to cook
i love vegetables, soups, and italian cusine.
My favorite family cooking traditions
holidays are a big deal! christmas is my time to shine. i try to add a new recipe each year, but the family demands pretty much the same menu. kinda frustrating!
My cooking triumphs
i cared for my mother in law about 3 months when she had shattered her shoulder. i didn't work, so money was tight. we survived on only wife's paycheck during that time. ma-n-law had diet restrictions. it was difficult to make cheap, nutritious meals everyone would eat. we prospered as a family and learned alot about each other's strenghths and weaknesses.
My cooking tragedies
a stove top fire. i explained that one already. the grill falling over was another one...oops grill season is here! i love the tragedies...those are the ones that i'll always remember!
 
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