(Written in the style of "A Visit From St. Nicholas" aka "Twas the Night Before Christmas" by Clement C. Moore)
Twas the month of Christmas, and just like a mouse
The Jacobson’s were scurrying to decorate their house
The paper snowflakes were hung by the ceiling with flair
By tall lanky Sean with his arms down to there
Peanut was all nestled and snug in his bed
With visions of dog treats and not waiting to be fed
With I in my apron and John out on the roof
Thinking he was Clark Griswold with something to prove
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
A shout, a scream! Someone must have fell from the ladder!
I heard a THUMP, a BUMP and then a CRASH
Away to the front door I flew like “The Flash”
A moon in my face as white as new-fallen snow
From pants that hung dangerously too low
When what to my horrified eyes should appear?
Our white trash neighbor with a half empty beer
“You got it all wrong” he was quick to point out
“They should twinkle and flash and run down the spout.”
More rapid than eagles his curse words they came
He whistled and shouted and yelled dirty names!
“Now, Sean! Now, Ian! Now John you twit!
On the gutters! Around the windows! I’m so mad I could spit!
From the top of the porch, to the bottom of the wall.
Watch it ya idiots! You don’t know what yer doin’ at all!”
As with a calm that comes after a terrible storm
He belched then passed out as per his norm.
So down from the house-top my three did scurry
Into the house quick- we shut the door in a hurry.
And then in a twinkling, John did exclaim
“Let’s just decorate the inside cuz that guys insane!”
With a scratch of his head and some fumbling around
John lit the tree from its tippy-top all the way to the ground.
I was all stressed from cooking and baking
Too much caffeine had my hands shaking.
Ian had tinsel all stuck to his back
From Sean tossing it there, looked like a whole pack.
My nose I did wrinkle to the room gave a query
“Ok who farted cuz it smells like rotten blueberries?”
Ian gagged and Sean gave a guffaw
John just smiled at his “Shock and Awe.”
The stump of the Christmas tree wobbled in the stand
“I can fix it,” John said “with some tape and rubber bands.”
“Sean get the Super Glue! Ian, my drill!
I’ll fix it! You’ll see! I’m sure I will!”
He was sweating and swearing.
I couldn’t help myself
I started to laugh- his foot was wedged in the DVD shelf.
A wink of Ian’s eye that said “Hey watch this”
He was up to something. He just couldn’t resist.
He spoke not a word, his lips in a smirk
He depants his dad! Boy what a jerk!
Laying aside his drill, John quickly fixed his clothes
No one wants to see him overexposed!
With the decorations all hung, I let out my breath with a whistle
“Whew! That’s all done! Don’t let the dog eat the tinsel!”
An so I do proclaim, before this year is out of sight
“Happy New Year to all and May all your Christmas’ be white!”