A Holiday Tale By Teresa Jacobson - Something Old Tries Something New! Blog at Allrecipes.com - 260629

Something Old Tries Something New!

A HOLIDAY TALE by Teresa Jacobson 
 
Dec. 14, 2011 11:54 am 
Updated: Dec. 17, 2011 2:51 am
(Written in the style of "A Visit From St. Nicholas" aka "Twas the Night Before Christmas" by Clement C. Moore)

Twas the month of Christmas, and just like a mouse

The Jacobson’s were scurrying to decorate their house

The paper snowflakes were hung by the ceiling with flair

By tall lanky Sean with his arms down to there

 

Peanut was all nestled and snug in his bed

With visions of dog treats and not waiting to be fed

With I in my apron and John out on the roof

Thinking he was Clark Griswold with something to prove

 

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter

A shout, a scream! Someone must have fell from the ladder!

I heard a THUMP, a BUMP and then a CRASH

Away to the front door I flew like “The Flash”

 

A moon in my face as white as new-fallen snow

From pants that hung dangerously too low

When what to my horrified eyes should appear?

Our white trash neighbor with a half empty beer

 

“You got it all wrong” he was quick to point out

“They should twinkle and flash and run down the spout.”

More rapid than eagles his curse words they came

He whistled and shouted and yelled dirty names!

 

“Now, Sean! Now, Ian! Now John you twit!

On the gutters! Around the windows! I’m so mad I could spit!

From the top of the porch, to the bottom of the wall.

Watch it ya idiots! You don’t know what yer doin’ at all!”

 

As with a calm that comes after a terrible storm

He belched then passed out as per his norm.

So down from the house-top my three did scurry

Into the house quick- we shut the door in a hurry.

 

And then in a twinkling, John did exclaim

“Let’s just decorate the inside cuz that guys insane!”

With a scratch of his head and some fumbling around

John lit the tree from its tippy-top all the way to the ground.

 

I was all stressed from cooking and baking

Too much caffeine had my hands shaking.

Ian had tinsel all stuck to his back

From Sean tossing it there, looked like a whole pack.

 

My nose I did wrinkle to the room gave a query

“Ok who farted cuz it smells like rotten blueberries?”

Ian gagged and Sean gave a guffaw

John just smiled at his “Shock and Awe.”


The stump of the Christmas tree wobbled in the stand

“I can fix it,” John said “with some tape and rubber bands.”

“Sean get the Super Glue! Ian, my drill!

I’ll fix it! You’ll see! I’m sure I will!”

 

He was sweating and swearing.  I couldn’t help myself

I started to laugh- his foot was wedged in the DVD shelf.

A wink of Ian’s eye that said “Hey watch this”

He was up to something. He just couldn’t resist.

 

He spoke not a word, his lips in a smirk

He depants his dad! Boy what a jerk!

Laying aside his drill, John quickly fixed his clothes

No one wants to see him overexposed!

 

With the decorations all hung, I let out my breath with a whistle

“Whew! That’s all done! Don’t let the dog eat the tinsel!”

An so I do proclaim, before this year is out of sight

“Happy New Year to all and May all your Christmas’ be white!”

 
Comments
Dec. 14, 2011 12:24 pm
I'm still giggling! That was funny... !!!!!
 
Dec. 14, 2011 7:28 pm
Thanks Terry!
 
redly 
Dec. 17, 2011 2:42 am
Very well written and sounds like a combo of many different celebrations with my family! Giggles and I needed them tonight! I'll never forget the night I pantsed my fiance. It was 2 AM at Christmas and we were on the deck of our apt. enjoying the Christmas lights around us. Top floor no other decks in our building and a solid railing. He was so unsuspecting with nothing but his boxers on. He cursed at me as he pulled his boxers back up while we both laughed and laughed. Only time I've ever done that to anyone!!! Only time I ever will.
 
redly 
Dec. 17, 2011 2:51 am
FOUNDMYZEN, I'm still giggling. Thanks for sharing that! ;) Happy Holidays!
 
 
 
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FOUNDMYZEN

Home Town
Dodge City, Kansas, USA
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Jacksonville, Florida, USA

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About Me
Married to a wonderful man for over 21 years now. He'll eat almost anything as long as it doesn't have peas in it! We have 2 teenage boys who can swoop in and ravage a refrigerator quicker than a pack of hyenas on a carcass! I like simple recipes that deliver an unbelievable product.
My favorite things to cook
Definitely desserts!
My favorite family cooking traditions
Holiday baking with my mom. I still bake WAY to much stuff for the holidays!
My cooking triumphs
Finally making fried chicken that my husband LOVED!
My cooking tragedies
Almost anything with yeast turns out bad if I make it. However, I am determined to conquer my yeasty foe!
 
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