Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, hands down.
It always has been and always will be, due to the fact that it doesn’t require me to haul out a green monstrosity from an over-packed storage unit, it doesn’t require me to buy gifts for people I really only know on a first-name basis, and it doesn’t
have its own music to get stuck in my head after hearing it for the 34th time on the local radio station.
It also doesn’t come with the “hustle and bustle” of trying to cram 84 parties in to a span of 25 days (while I like a good cocktail party, one can only take so much eggnog in the middle of the week while maintaining the job you desperately need to pay
for those lotion gift packs you give to people you don’t really know what to get.
Cucumber melon body spray? Am I 14 again?)
Anyway, with Thanksgiving being a holiday centered around being thankful and the four Southern food groups (cream of mushroom soup, heavy cream, whiskey, and heavy cream) it’s my favorite.
Football and turkey sandwiches? Laughing at my mother when we inevitably remember the time she dropped a dinner roll in our guest-of-honor’s water glass?
Sign me up! And so I present:
Thankfulness: A Narrative
I’m thankful for elastic pants. While not exactly fashion-forward, these little pieces of heaven allow me to have just one more piece of pumpkin pie while simultaneously covering something with gravy.
You know, to take the sweet taste out of my mouth.
2. Spray paint and its effect on my life will leave me eternally grateful.
What do you do when you’re not satisfied with the color of your plastic centerpiece pumpkins?
You spray paint them! (Glitter spray paint is so fabulous that I can’t even get started.
This blog will be the length of “Gone with the Wind” if I do.)
Spray paint is essentially a transformation in a can and it deserves its moment in the (now color coordinated) spotlight.
3. I’m thankful for trashy daytime TV.
Why? Because even on my worst days I can at least console myself by realizing I’ve never thrown a chair at a talk show host who has just insinuated that I might look like a dude.
4. Manager special meat at the local Kroger is a blessing in cellophane.
For those of you in other regions of the country, Kroger is our local grocery-store chain and it has a special section at the end of the meat department with cuts of meat that are nearing their expiration dates.
Some may turn up their noses at what is about-to-go-rancid meat, but not I.
That’s why freezers were invented. And that’s why we’re having steaks for my husband’s birthday tonight even though payday isn’t for another week.
Because I bought half-priced filet mignon a month ago and stuck it in my lovely freezer for a rainy (birth) day.
5. And to actually list a few things that are relevant this time of year, I’m thankful my husband and I both have jobs (his is making him work on Thanksgiving night to prepare for a midnight opening on Black Friday.
But he has a job. He HAS a job.
And yes, I’m gritting my teeth and rocking back and forth a bit.)
I’m thankful we both (usually) have running cars to get to these jobs.
I’m thankful for our three cats and each piece of white fur that’s stuck to my shirt in the morning to complete my “crazy cat lady” ensemble.
I’m thankful my husband is a grammar nerd just like me.
I’m grateful for our Thanksgiving tradition of drinking too much wine and making lopsided pie crusts on the Wednesday night before with my sister.
Basically, I could complain about the housing market, the economy, or the 18-wheeler that’s been parked in front of my house for 3 days.
But life’s short and no one wants to listen anyway.
Besides, I’m fairly sure my mother just accidentally turned the gravy pink again and we have to laugh at her about it.
Over a table laden with food and filled with family and friends.
And a centerpiece of spray-painted pumpkins.
Respect the Bird, y’all.
That other holiday can wait a little bit. There’s turkey to eat!