Through The Darkest Valleys: Pain Is Not Permanent - Home on the Range Blog at - 298298

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Through the Darkest Valleys: Pain is Not Permanent 
Feb. 27, 2013 8:41 am 
Updated: Mar. 6, 2013 9:00 pm
...whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and it there is anything praiseworthy, think on these things...”
Phillipians 4:8

I woke up in the morning wracked with pain. Every joint, every muscle in agony as I went from the chair I’ve had to sleep in, to the bathroom. Heading back out, I knew I couldn’t manage the trip back to the living room. I painfully climbed into bed, but was unable to pull the blankets over me, as my hands were unusable. Randy, seeing my plight, tossed them over me on his way out in the morning.

An hour or so later I ventured to get up again. Only slightly stronger, I shuffled to the kitchen for coffee unable to cope with the painful sensation of my feet rising and falling on the floor. As snowflakes fall silently outside the window I sip my coffee and appreciate the heat radiating from my cup to my aching hands. This is not the life I bargained for.

If I look in the mirror, I won’t recognize the woman looking back at me. The puffy, overweight, lumbering mess isn’t the quick moving, athletic over achiever I have always been. These aren’t my hands, puffy, swollen, stiff with papery skin. Those aren’t my clothes in the closet, they are made for someone larger. I don’t want to see anyone, and I don’t want to be seen. I drown in misery, tears falling freely. 

Agitated, I pick up my Bible and start to read. I’m graciously reminded that I didn’t ‘bargain’ for anything. My life is a gift, both the the triumphs on the mountain peaks and the darkest places in the valleys. The journey I have been on is my own, but I am not alone. There are many who take it with me, some competing against me, others cheering me on, and yet others who just share the joys and pains of this place on the path, this space in my life. But there is also One who has walked alongside me the entire way. He’s been this way before and knows the pitfalls and dangers I will face, someone who has been to far more painful depths and knows also the ultimate heights of joy. He doesn’t always carry me, but usually lets me choose my own way, sometimes stumbling, sometimes running freely. When I fall headlong and sputter and spit dirt of failure out of my mouth, sometimes I am overcome with rage, or with sorrow. But soon I push past it and cry out for help, or simply raise my eyes and always, I find He is there, a Holy hand stretched out, ready to help me up again. This has been such a day.

One of the Maremmas pushes his head up under my elbow and gently rests his head on my leg. Often the hands and feet and heart of Jesus come to me wrapped in fur. With eyes full of concern and compassion he looks at me and touches his cold wet nose to my tear dampened cheek. I hug him and it feels better, even hurting. 
I push through the pain and this morning I am rewarded by it. The world awaits outside and there are new baby lambs, baby goats to marvel at. The miracle of life unfolds before me even as mine seems to fade. This day will get better, even if tomorrow does not. Each step of this journey brings me to a new and renewed life, one that will not be full of pain. I will see lost loved ones and best of all I will see HIM face to face. I can do this. I’m not the first, but I am also not the weakest. I can do this. I can keep walking until I too, reach Home.

There is much I can do. Milk to process, cheese to make. It will take some effort but it will be worth it. I have to keep trying and pushing forward.

The sun is breaking through the clouds even now and I can see my way and I am strengthened. I know who I am, because I know who He is. For now, that is enough.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”. -2 Cor 12:9

Feb. 27, 2013 9:24 am
Ma'am, I am blessed through you. Every time I read a post, God speaks to me through you. Today, he's telling me to stop feeling sorry for myself. My life isn't any more difficult or painful than I make it. I could have serious health problems rather than self inflicted ones that can be dealt with. God bless you and bring you strength and peace.
Feb. 27, 2013 9:29 am
Pain is relative and it comes in all forms. I have just found, in my experience, that He has been the best answer for all the kinds I have known. Thank you for your encouragment.
Feb. 27, 2013 12:49 pm
I am privileged to know you. Your strength amazes me. Wish I could find the words. We are lucky to have what we have. When I am feeling tired and down I read these blogs of yours. Bless you my friend. I will pray for you at my beside tonight.
Feb. 27, 2013 12:55 pm
Petey,i'm sorry you are suffering so much.We do push through our pain,your right about that,it's seems only when you stop that you can feel it coming back.Take comfort in knowing you are not alone.Dogs give such comfort don't they?Mine does for me every day.Take care petey.
Feb. 27, 2013 12:55 pm
Thank you Rosebud. I'm glad it helps, and I am grateful for your prayers!
Feb. 27, 2013 1:36 pm
It's true, it's better to keep going. There are always good days and bad days and another good day will come. Hang in there Manella!
Feb. 27, 2013 1:40 pm
Every time I start whining about my shoulder hurting I stop and think of you and the pain you endure each and every day of your life. Compared to that I have nothing to be whining about at all. I just pray for less painful days for you. You seem to take such joy in all the task you do there at the ranch even with the pain you have. You are such an inspiration to me and so many others that read your blogs.I will say a special prayer for you today.I love how faithful you are to our Lord a nd Saviour also. With out him we have nothing.
Feb. 27, 2013 2:01 pm
Oh char! What did you do to your shoulder? I hope whatever it is it gets better soon. I remember doing more than my own share of whining when I wrecked mine! God bless you and thank you. I agree. I'd have given up so much if I didn't have Him.
Feb. 27, 2013 4:16 pm
God bless you dear heart. You are an inspiration.
Feb. 27, 2013 4:30 pm
petey, every time I read one of your blogs, I have to read it twice because the first time tears fill my eyes and blur my vision. When I have one of my bad days and think no one else experiences what I do.... I know there there are others that are worse and they take that extra step to believe and have strong faith in Him. You are one of those .... and I envy you in so many ways. You are always in my prayers.. Bless you.
Feb. 27, 2013 5:04 pm
Pain is so debilitating. I wish it didn't exist. Things hurt now that didn't some years ago and I try to focus on the fact when I ache or hurt that someone aches and hurts more than me and thus not complain. My prayers to you for peace from it when it's too much.
Feb. 27, 2013 7:28 pm
petey, draw those "polar bears" close to you. Who can say what an angel really looks like? I think you are surrounded by angels, that God is raising you up on eagles' wings, bearing you on the breath of dawn, making you to shine like the sun, and holding you in the palm of His hand. Blessings on you for sharing your light with us.
Feb. 27, 2013 7:48 pm
Bless you, Misty, Linda and New Day. This is a really hard blog for me to maintain. I've run across so many people suffering and heard so much hopelessness in their postings, I felt I had to be open about my own and what sustains me. I hope He can use it to lift up someone else, so your comments are really precious to me. Thank you for sharing
Feb. 27, 2013 7:49 pm
Bibi, that was beautiful!
Feb. 28, 2013 3:35 am
Hi petey . . . By reading what you said, you’ve found the greatest possible comfort by having Him. Stay in the game as long as possible in spite of bruises, aches, and pains as it’s far more fun and exciting than sitting in the bleachers cheering on the doers in life . . . best wishes.
Feb. 28, 2013 7:10 am
I just have a little arthritis in my shoulder and neck Petey. Nothing to compare to your pain. I hope today is a better one than yesterday.I was laying in my bed last night and started thinking about you and how the rest of your day went. I said a prayer for you that God would allow you some pain free days.
Feb. 28, 2013 7:54 am
So true ConkyJoe! I was never much into spectator sports and watching life isn't part of my plans :) char- Anything in the neck and shoulder can be pretty limiting as well as distracting. Thanks for your prayers. I actually did do better yesterday afternoon, gratefully, because the last sheep lambed and needed intervention.
Feb. 28, 2013 12:27 pm
"Often the hands and feet and heart of Jesus come to me wrapped in fur." Petey, many times I have told people that God's angels of compassion have fur and invisible wings. During my darkest moments of crying out to God, my cats and dogs *know* and come to comfort me to remind me that I am never alone. I know Who sends them to me. :) You are an inspiration and may God bless and keep you and bring you more days of remission.
Mar. 1, 2013 7:24 am
I think Doc Simonson said it best, petey, and I will echo his words. Thank you for sharing your story.
Mar. 1, 2013 8:18 am
thanks gf4s. He uses what He chooses. I'm grateful for that. Wisweetp. Thank you.
Mar. 1, 2013 6:10 pm
Petey, a shot in the dark: Does the "Den Weniger Gospel Team" have any meaning to you?
Mar. 1, 2013 6:28 pm
Oh, Petey. You lift me up... you truly do. My knees are full of arthritis and I surely don't presume to know your pain... but pain in any form can wreck havoc upon anyone. What you accomplish in a day seriously brings me to my (sore) knees. I read a quote once by (I believe it was) Bob Dylan: “Behind every beautiful thing, there's some kind of pain.” And you, Petey, are one of the most beautiful people I know! I will keep you in my prayers.
Mar. 2, 2013 12:35 pm
Indiana Peggy-No I have not heard of them. They sound German though :)
Mar. 2, 2013 12:37 pm
Chris K, thank you. That is such a very sweet thing to say. I hope and pray you find some relief for your knees. I had one replaced and it was a good decision. Bless you!
Mar. 2, 2013 12:53 pm
I knew a little girl named Petey, in California, years ago. Just wondered if perhaps it was you. Guess not.
Mar. 3, 2013 7:48 am
No, it isn't my real name. It's a what I use online because my real name is always taken already LOL
Mar. 5, 2013 6:34 am
Petey, every blog you write brings wisdom and strength to others and I am truly grateful for that. I think you're our very own AR angel!:o) Hugs~ Dee
Mar. 5, 2013 11:36 pm
Petey, your attitude and faith are a true inspiration. You're incredible and so strong. I know I'm saying it all wrong. I've never posted before, but you're words have really touched me and moved me to tell you how you have inspired me. I, too, have a lot of pain daily. It's a never-ending force in my life. But I still have my life, by the grace of God. You've given me the desire to strive to have as great an attitude as you do. Thank you!
Mar. 6, 2013 3:00 am
Petey, sharing your faith through your blog is an inspiration to others. You have blessed many through our words and photos. I am going to share your with others in our family whom I think will be touched by our words and your faith.
Mar. 6, 2013 8:24 am
Take care Miss Petey!
Mar. 6, 2013 10:55 am
Thank you. You have inspired me. I will share your strength with my sister who recently lost both of her children, ages 30 and 23 yrs old. I came to this site for a comforting recipe for her and I found even more.
Mar. 6, 2013 2:07 pm
LauraLee, my heart absolutely breaks for your sister. There is nothing on this earth I can think of more painful than losing your children. It's so easy to question God when things like this happen. I heard of a minister's wife whose son died in a car wreck. She battled with God for a year and asked Him "Where were YOU when (her son) died???" She said the answer that finally came was "I was right there with him." All we can do is trust in Him, because we know His character. I pray He brings comfort to your family and thanks for sharing. You will all be in my prayers.
Mar. 6, 2013 9:00 pm
Praying for you Petey. Lovely blog today.
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About Me
Kids are raised, we are ranchhands on a 250,000 acre working cattle ranch 110 miles from the nearest small town, so we raise a lot of our own food, vegetables, fruits, milk,eggs and meat. Love riding and working cattle, but find myself spending a lot more time in the kitchen, and the garden.
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Having 2 Jersey cows as well as milk goats, playing with fresh milk is a hobby, making our own butter, yogurt, sour cream, cheeses, soap and all the other great stuff you can do with fresh raw milk.
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A layered Jello dessert...the middle layer never set, so it did the 'ooze-wiggle'...and...well..I liquified a couple of chickens on 2 different occasions, turning them into a black gel. Moral of that story is, don't start cooking then go clean barns!...and there was the time that my kids were helping me make Thanksgiving dinner and SOMEbody (who resembled my youngest son) forgot to put the sugar in the pie!!!
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