Pot Luck...Or Who's Got A Toothbrush? - Home on the Range Blog at Allrecipes.com - 132736

Home on the Range

Pot Luck...or Who's Got a Toothbrush? 
Oct. 26, 2009 11:54 am 
Updated: Nov. 2, 2009 6:16 pm
We moved to the ranch we currently live and work on, almost 4 years ago. After making several trips from CA with our truck and horse trailer full of goodies, we crammed it all into the tiny 100 yr old "cook house" which will be our humble abode and Home Sweet Home for years to come.
Aside from the counter-less kitchen, and the bright turquoise blue 50 yr old linoleum flooring that runs thru every room (complete with bullet holes) it had what can only be described as an "Indoor Outhouse". I have seen nicer bathrooms in gas stations.

This was a 4' x 5' room with a tiny stand up shower, a tiny sink and a non functioning toilet...well...technically it DID work, if you poured a 5 gallon bucket of water in it each visit...which we did when we were too desperate to make across the road to the "bull pen" where there is one bathroom shared by all the cowboys on the ranch. Restroom facilities are not a high priority on a beef ranch, apparently.

At any rate, we had some experiences with this particular little room, during the year and a half we waited for a real one to be added onto the house, that were memorable, if nothing else.

The layout was thus...the door opened IN (bad idea!). Directly in front of the door was the "single anorexic person wide" shower. To the immediate left,  was the sink, which usually left a mark as you attempted to step in front of it, and less than a bent knee's distance from that, was the throne.

One fine morning, after a cup of coffee and devotions, there was an urgency for a morning "constitutional"and I raced to the door. I had not noticed that Randyman was no longer sleeping. I breathlessly reached the door and kicked it open, only to send the unsuspecting Randy headfirst into the shower wall, leaving a rather interesting bruise on his backside. I was just really glad he was not attached permanently to the doorknob, as it would make it hard to close, not to mention, hard to explain.

It was an "efficiency room", in other words, one that did not require wasted steps. You could actually wash your face and brush your teeth while still seated. I of course, usually chose not to.

The showerhead was obviously set for a very tall, anorexic person, and was high enough that I could turn about in all four directions without getting wet. Therefore, Randyman, being the thoughtful guy that he is (after forgiving me for the little door faux pas) attached one of those hand held dealy-bobbers so I could aim water wherever I had a whim. Unfortunately, the water pressure blew the whole thing off of the wall at me, causing me to lose my balance in my panicked state, and struck my shoulder on the sink, which caused my tooth brush to sail thru the air, doing a two and a half gainer, only to land, KERPLUNK! in the commode.

I would like to remind the reader at this time, that the store is 5 hours from where we live, and that is where I headed, to buy a CASE of toothbrushes from Costco.

One other memorable experience we had with our least favorite room was when Randyman decided that he could run a hose down the vent, thus clearing it so the commode would work properly without the 5 gallon bucket. He stuffed the hose down the vent and asked me to go in and see if the commode would flush. I stepped thru the front door to find 2 inches of water through out the house, in every room but the bathroom. Apparently there was no flashing around the vent, so the water went directly into the attic, and thru the ceiling onto the floors...so I informed him that NO, the toilet did not flush, but the ceiling seemed to flush very well.

So goes life in the country.

Oct. 26, 2009 12:38 pm
OMGoodness, suddenly our old farm house is lookin' rather palacial!! My hubby still prefers to pee off the porch, though. He says the bathroom is too far away. Funny thing, the colder the weather gets the closer that bathroom becomes,lol! I am envious of your water pressure, though. Ours is so weak it barely blows the stink of ya'.
Oct. 26, 2009 1:05 pm
LOL@blows the stink off ya!! We have 2 brand new bathrooms now, they added onto the house. For awhile, it was my favorite room in the house, cuz it has a big window LOL
Oct. 26, 2009 1:31 pm
Ain't we lucky to have our neighbors SO far away....what, with your picture window in the bath and my hubby relieving himself off of the porch!?
Oct. 26, 2009 1:47 pm
Oct. 27, 2009 7:52 am
Flushing ceiling Oh my goodness Petey, I bet you almost became the Axe wielding murderer then!!!
Oct. 28, 2009 2:04 pm
When I lived in what used to be my Grandmothers chicken farm, we had the upgrade of your bathroom, except our had a claw-foot cast iron tub. I loved that tub. As a child, I used to swim in it on hot days. When my husband and I moved in, the first thing he did was rip out the big tub to replace it with a tub and shower. We added glass shower doors to keep our siberian husky contained (and the water) when he needed the occasional bath after sniffing under the skunk's tails. Beautiful dog, but stupid. Your description brought back memories - the door opened in, so in order to get to the toilet or sink, it was necessary to do a dance to get around the door. Your knees fit under the sink, and even the bathroom window opened in, so if guests stood up in a hurry or a warm day, they would release the stick holding the window open by bumping their heads on it. And there was absolutely no insulation or heat in this bathroom. If you hit the shower wall on a cold morning, you would wake up in a hurry. And it was off of the kitchen, so in order to use it, we had to scurry through the livingroom and kitchen area in a towel or less. The funny thing about it is we had 14 acres - enormous by suburban Boston standards, and you are on a huge ranch. Don't you think they could find space for a toilet? I hope you are recovering from your surgery and feeling better. I'm glad your new bathroom is in. I had the gray industrial (probably asbestos) tiles in my kitchen and bathroom. The rest of the floors were wooden with large cracks in them to let the cold air rush up from the dirt cellar. Every spring the water table would rise and we had two feet of very clear water in our cellar. Since it had been reoccuring in the main part of the house since the early 1700's, no one thought it was unusual, except our cat, who didn't realize it was water, and jumped onto one of the granite rocks supporting a tree that held up our parlor. She was a good swimmer, but really mad when wet. I thought it would make an excellent root cellar. My grandmother kept her preserves down there. We used to have wooden planks to walk on to get from the stairs to the part of the cellar where the jars were. Tall people were discouraged from entering until late spring. After spending most of the summer growing potatoes, carrots and the sweetest onion ever, I put them away in the cellar, along with a bumper crop of butternut squash and pumpkins. It was just the two of us and my hubby doesn't like alot of veggies. When I used up my upstairs stash of veggies, and went down to get some of my yummy home-grown organic potatoes, I'd found that the mice and squirrels had eaten and pooped on them. The cat would have taken care of them anywhere else, but she didn't like the idea of swimming after them. I composed all of them, and gave up the idea of "putting food away" except for canning and freezing. Then I gave up canning when after growing my tomatoes from seed, peeling, pureeing and simmering them into a thick tomato sauce and canning two cases of these lovelies, my husband used them to deskunk the dog. I had two gallons of vinegar for pickling he could have used instead. When we moved into our new house in a child-safe neighborhood with our 2 year old twins, I started a veggie garden in the back yard. It was smaller because the soil was terrible. I was used to the chicken farm soil. I planted green beans and tomatoes and lettuce and pumpkins. I surrounded the small garden with marigolds and geraniums to discourage the woodchucks (groundhogs) They ate every shoot except the tomatoes. They even ate the MARIGOLDS. When I saw those stumpy little marigold plants, I got miffed. So I put a fence around my little garden. I knew the woodchucks wouldn't climb it. They didn't, but the racoons did, and pulled it down. I miss home-grown veggies and fruit.
Oct. 28, 2009 2:21 pm
LOL oh my gosh! You HAVE had some setbacks!!! It's still a great life tho, ain't it? And, gives us something to laugh about.
Nov. 2, 2009 6:16 pm
What a great story! I laughed my butt off - thanks for sharing.
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About Me
Kids are raised, we are ranchhands on a 250,000 acre working cattle ranch 110 miles from the nearest small town, so we raise a lot of our own food, vegetables, fruits, milk,eggs and meat. Love riding and working cattle, but find myself spending a lot more time in the kitchen, and the garden. forpeteysake.blogspot.com http://throughthedarkestvalleys.blogspot.com/
My favorite things to cook
Having 2 Jersey cows as well as milk goats, playing with fresh milk is a hobby, making our own butter, yogurt, sour cream, cheeses, soap and all the other great stuff you can do with fresh raw milk.
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Homemade from scratch...anything! All traditions are sort of gone by the wayside, as we live so far from family now
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Most things from this site, this has been the best thing the internet has had to offer!
My cooking tragedies
A layered Jello dessert...the middle layer never set, so it did the 'ooze-wiggle'...and...well..I liquified a couple of chickens on 2 different occasions, turning them into a black gel. Moral of that story is, don't start cooking then go clean barns!...and there was the time that my kids were helping me make Thanksgiving dinner and SOMEbody (who resembled my youngest son) forgot to put the sugar in the pie!!!
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