Beef to Beefcake, or Where's the Beef??? pt 3
Oct. 15, 2009 11:34 pm
Updated: Oct. 19, 2009 12:36 pm
Due to the severity of a freak snowstorm, HandyRandyman spent a week on our couch, and there were no fatalities. As vehicles and other mechanical units continued their struggle for operational survival, he took meals with us and watched the two TV stations we actually got. It was during this time, that we discovered a couple of interesting facts about him...cartoons and sitcoms were able to reduce him to a jellylike mass of tearful laughter which would bring him to the brink of incontinence and render him helpless. This was added to our arsenal.
One evening, he showed up at the door, minus his ratty, awful, icky, moth-eaten beard...which was a revealing surprise. He was upset about it. He said a lady at the gas station said it made him look 30 years younger.
"I don't want to look like I'm 6 years old." , he mumbled.
We assured him, he didn't look like any 6 year olds we had ever seen...except maybe on the Flintstones...and Pebbles seemed to appreciate the look.
The following night, the wild, red, bozo-like hair had been cut and now resided under a good looking cowboy hat and he was sporting a pair of snug new wranglers and a shirt that wasn't eaten up with battery acid. He was morphing before our eyes...and was looking downright presentable and not at all scary...well, except for his size and physical condition...remember the hay bale debacle? There was still a little of Lenny Small left.
It was time for our annual family Christmas party. My ex husband and I had attended this party for 18 years. Randy offered to take us, as it was a good long ways from home, so I agreed to let him, figuring my family would be a pretty good test for him.
Now, I happen to come from a family with some of the biggest liars and horsepuckey tossers on earth. This does not include myself, naturally, as we cannot be judged by our relatives...but my brother, the practical joker, introduced Randy to all the members of my extended family with the line:
"You remember Randy, don't you?"
To which they all replied (except for one little cousin who stared at him and said 'no...')
"Of course I do!! How have you been Randy? So good to see you again!!!", with lots of handshaking and backslapping thrown in.
Not one of them seemed to notice the absence of my ex of 18 years. (He apparently left the same good impression on others that he had on me). Once again, anxiety surfaced for a brief moment, when someone told a joke, and Randyman, laughing, squeezed the drink in his hand and it shattered...well, actually it exploded and ice cubes were rocketing towards the ceiling while all the people within a 5 foot radius of us were now marinating in 7&7, but it WAS a plastic cup so we set our fears aside and went on.
Arriving back in town late in the evening, we stopped at a grocery store to pick up some things, and ran into one of the regular clients from the feed store where Randyman worked.
She stared at him blankly, (with a little saliva building at the corner of her mouth) and asked me,
"So who is your friend?"
I said "It's Randy. You know Randy..."
To which she replied, with her eyes giving him a once over that actually caused him to blush...
"No, I don't think we've met."
Exiting the store, Randyman turned to me and said
"That's strange...Everyone in Palm Springs remembers me!"
Randyman had begun an ever upward climb in our collective estimations and made the leap from "Axe-murderer," to "Probably Harmless Intellectually Challenged Big Guy like Lenny," to HandyHunkyRandyman...
you know the drill from here...yup, thats right, to be continued...