Where's The Beef ??? Pt 1 - Home on the Range Blog at Allrecipes.com - 130029

Home on the Range

Where's the Beef ??? pt 1 
Oct. 14, 2009 9:18 am 
Updated: Oct. 19, 2009 6:25 pm
People often ask how the HandyRandyman and I met, and I tell them the truth...he was a stalker.
Back in the day, when I was still training horses professionally, and going thru an ugly divorce (after 18 yr of marriage and 2 kids) I ordered a couple tons of hay from the local feed store and that afternoon, a truck pulled in the driveway with a monster of a man at the wheel.

He was about 6'2, with reddish hair, a scraggy, un-even, sorry looking beard that would make a china-man cry, massive shoulders, legs like a Quarter horse, and tattered, acid burned clothes. He began unloading hay bales and stacking them one handed. It was intimidating to say the least, so I bolted to the house and locked the kitchen door behind me.  I promptly called the feed store to make sure they understood they were NOT to send this guy to my place EVER again!
When questioned about his strange behavior years later, he commented...
"I was trying to impress you"...he did...I was so impressed I considered buying a gun.

I would occasionally run into him at the feed store, or local gas station. He would never speak, just smile at me and stare and it gave me the willies. He was a huge man, and my boys and I came to the eventual conclusion that he was quite simply, an axe-murderer.

A short time later, my tractor broke down at a friends house, and I was making arrangements to have it picked up and repaired. Shortly after hanging up, the phone rang and my friends son said, "The guy is here, fixing your tractor".
To which I replied
"He can't be...I just called him and he's coming tomorrow..." to which he replied
"Well, there is a guy out there, and he's underneath your tractor."

Someone had sent the Axe-murderer to fix my tractor! Upon arriving, I groaned and wondered what I should do. It was freezing, the ground was cold and hard, and it was late at night. I reasoned it was better not to show fear, but ask him what he had figured out...

"Do you know whats wrong with it?"
...I wait patiently, in the total silence, until I can't stand it anymore. Tools clank, my teeth chatter, I can see my breath drifting away like smoke as I count the minutes waiting for an answer.
"WHAT do you think is wrong with it?"
"It's broke."

I realized then and there, that there was much more wrong with this man than we had picked up on in our original assessment.
I can tell you this...16 years later, he still doesn't parse words.

To be cont...
Oct. 14, 2009 10:24 am
MY GOD.....HOW I'VE MISSED YOU!!! Everyone here has such a unique sense of writing, but I really think you have missed your calling. So glad you are back, how goes the treatment and ranch style PT? (also, check your RE post for my late morning comment♥
Oct. 14, 2009 10:33 am
I check every day to see if you have written something that day. Can't wait to hear the rest of this one!
Oct. 14, 2009 3:03 pm
you have got to write more of this ... can't wait.
Oct. 14, 2009 4:28 pm
LOL too funny!!
Oct. 14, 2009 5:23 pm
Oh my, I'm hooked....."axe murderer"?!! This is good already...!
Oct. 14, 2009 5:39 pm
Ok Ax murderer PT.2 ? I will be wait with baited breathe. That is a scary story, I hope it has a happy ending!! I hope you are feeling better Petey. Take care of yourself.:)
Oct. 14, 2009 10:44 pm
So glad to see your sense of humor and writing style were not affected by your absence. Missed you. Welsome back!
Oct. 15, 2009 8:14 am
Can't wait for the rest of the story!
Oct. 15, 2009 9:17 am
I just love your blog and now I'm anxiously awaiting the next installment! Your profile picture NEVER fails to put a smile on my face :)
Oct. 15, 2009 11:36 am
I love your blog so much! Can't wait to read the enxt installment!
Oct. 15, 2009 5:08 pm
Oh Petey! I married my stalker too! We will celebrate our 20th anniv. in March. The story is too long to tell here but he still gets embarrassed when I tell it.
Oct. 15, 2009 5:57 pm
Come tom think of it..my hubby was a stalker too!
Oct. 15, 2009 5:57 pm
I can't type tonight :(
Oct. 16, 2009 7:23 am
dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature.
Oct. 16, 2009 11:11 am
Great blog...keep them coming!!
Oct. 16, 2009 5:31 pm
I was just kicking around, killing some time while waiting for the dinner that I'm making for Dad and I tonight (yeah, some guys do cook, and waste time on the web looking for some ideas for tomorrow night- this site should be required browsing for ALL guys). Anyway, stumbled across your blog, Petey. Big mistake. That was an hour ago. Think my dinner's a bit overcooked by now, 'cause after your profile and pics, I started in on your favorites. Got more ideas from these than poking thru a whole lot of other stuff. Thanks for all that you seem to have contributed to making this site a more entertaining place to visit. Your blog is a delight, and like everyone else who's read it, I await with bated breath for 'where's the beef???' pt2.
Oct. 16, 2009 8:32 pm
thank you so much for your kind words! they are gratefully received! pt 2 and 3 are already up and pt 4 is on the way LOL
Oct. 18, 2009 4:22 am
I'm so glad you celebrated 20 years with the stalker. Life's good
Oct. 18, 2009 10:43 am
Wow!! I've just discovered you!! Your writing and sense of humor reminds me of the late Erma Bombeck (sp-?). Anyway, I'm hooked so keep the blogs coming...you definitely can put a smile on my face. :)
Oct. 19, 2009 2:36 am
Absolutely awesome story. I was laughing outloud and smiling at the end 8) Thanks for the smile.
Oct. 19, 2009 6:30 am
He sounds delightful! I love a guy who can fix things and not whine at the same time.
Oct. 19, 2009 10:29 am
I came here looking for beef recipes to satisfy my husband, but I just read your introductory love story, and it's so much like mine that I was enthralled. My husband is a quiet bearded genius who gives people the willies too! Men envy his masculinity, and [normal] women run in fear, but he couldn't be more perfect to me! God bless beauty-and-the beast-type love! I hope you two live as happily ever after as anyone can live, and I can't wait to read more stories and some beefy man recipes!
Oct. 19, 2009 11:28 am
Love it! Great writing skills and wonderful humor throughout! Can't wait to hear how this Axe-murderer won your heart. Sure needed the chuckle today so now I'm off to read some more!
Oct. 19, 2009 12:37 pm
Oct. 19, 2009 1:40 pm
Just stumbled onto your blog. I'm nornmally not into reading blogs, but something about yours caught my eye. I laughed the whole time I was reading it. Your love story struck a cord with me (reminded me of my first encounter with my husband). Anyway, we live on a large cattle ranch in southwestern South Dakota and I train horses. We have stuff in common! Just wanted to tell you that I enjoyed your blog! Have a great day! :)
Oct. 19, 2009 4:50 pm
LOL!!! That was great! Just riveting! LOVED it ;)
Oct. 19, 2009 6:25 pm
Great details in the story! Made me keep reading and now has me wondering about the ending, I look forward to reading the rest!!
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Kids are raised, we are ranchhands on a 250,000 acre working cattle ranch 110 miles from the nearest small town, so we raise a lot of our own food, vegetables, fruits, milk,eggs and meat. Love riding and working cattle, but find myself spending a lot more time in the kitchen, and the garden. forpeteysake.blogspot.com http://throughthedarkestvalleys.blogspot.com/
My favorite things to cook
Having 2 Jersey cows as well as milk goats, playing with fresh milk is a hobby, making our own butter, yogurt, sour cream, cheeses, soap and all the other great stuff you can do with fresh raw milk.
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Homemade from scratch...anything! All traditions are sort of gone by the wayside, as we live so far from family now
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Most things from this site, this has been the best thing the internet has had to offer!
My cooking tragedies
A layered Jello dessert...the middle layer never set, so it did the 'ooze-wiggle'...and...well..I liquified a couple of chickens on 2 different occasions, turning them into a black gel. Moral of that story is, don't start cooking then go clean barns!...and there was the time that my kids were helping me make Thanksgiving dinner and SOMEbody (who resembled my youngest son) forgot to put the sugar in the pie!!!
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