I was the first to start a "Save the Roaches" program in my community. It occurred to me that absolutely nobody I know ever thought to care for the roaches in their house. They always wanted to spray something on it and watch it die a slow painful death. Stand up people! ...because roaches are people too...wait...what? One night after some poorly executed mexicali-soul food, I made a triple batch of yellow cake mix. I took it out of the oven let it cool for a few minutes, then put scoops of butterscotch ice cream on top. As the steam wiggled into my nostrils, the pain evaporated with it. Each birthday I fart on my cake to make the birthday candles flame up. When the house finally burns down, that will be the sign that I am too old for the tradition and have too many candles. I once successfully combined jellow and pizza. I know it sounds too good to be true, but it it was a try-umph! I couldn't decide if I should call it "Pizzow" or "Jezza"... This one time at fat camp, the kids dared me to make a stew out of only the things we had in the room. Tragically, 3 campers got sick that night. I often wonder if the shoe-lace dust-bunny soup had anything to do with their illness that night. I guess I'll never really know.